051 – Zero Percent Vanilla

Day 7

After reading through ten options for my subclass, I got up. This wasn’t a decision I’d make in a cramped tiny room in a couple of minutes. The list was down to a couple of favorites, but I had enough to process already.

Besides, I was on a boat. I had never been on a boat.

There was also a massive bandaid, waiting to be ripped off. I went over my notes once more before we left.

Shifting Arcanist – No more ATP, everything becomes mana. Spells from all shapes in all shapes. Maximum nonsense, maximum flexibility. Gabriel hates casters.

Luna’s Chosen – Dramatic name. Makes every shape combat viable by allowing humanoid hybrid war beast shape. That shape comes with stronger instincts and they are mostly murder.

Wyrmling Ascendant – I get to be a real dragon. It starts smol and weak and eats experience or loot to get stronger. Would be stupid if I didn’t eventually become a freaking dragon.

Apex Seeker – Ultimate anti-ambush tech. Boosts Heightened Senses, pierces supernatural concealment, and allows me to hunt for specific shapes.

Faceless One – I already gave up on being human, why not give up on being anything at all. Specialized in various humanoid shapes and fluidly switching between them, borrowing advantages from each other.

I left the cabin as my new, true, gold-and-black self. That’d take a while to get used to. Jamie followed behind me.

I stopped. I was also starving.

“Jamie, what’s the nautical term for the kitchen?”

“Galley?”

“Yes, that. Is the galley where my breakfast is?”

“It is like 4 p.m., Eve.”

“Show me the galley, please.”

Jamie pushed past me. “Follow me, milady.”

“Did you just milady me because of my outfit?”

His steps paused for just a moment.

“Maybe?” he replied sheepishly.

I shook my head and followed him.

Lucy snickered in my mind. “Look at Miss Seven-Charisma suddenly flustered when the boys do as they are told.”

I checked my Attributes. It was actually up to seven. I had assumed the fact that Certified Threat raised it by a full rank was a rounding error. But Living Calamity just raised it by another rank. Huh. Other buffs did not work that way.

Since this boat was supposed to be a tourist attraction, the bedrooms were very small, but the shared rooms were a bit more spacious. From the direction we were going, something drifted over which I hadn’t heard since I drove the U-Haul that carried my belongings to New York—music. Jazz to be specific.

We entered what seemed to be the galley combined with the dining room. Only that half of the available surfaces of the kitchen area were covered with chemical utensils, including a bright-green substance that slowly boiled over the low flame of a Bunsen burner. There were stairs leading to the deck, which let bright sun and the scent of the coast drift in. Only Ash and Stephen were present, Ash scribbling in his book while Stephen was reading. A cookbook. I couldn’t help but notice the French surname of the author.

The music came from a record player in the room. On a shelf above it was a sizable collection of LPs.

Both of them were entirely absorbed in their activities and didn’t notice our entry.

Before I could bring attention to myself, Lucy already manifested next to Ash, who shrieked in reaction.

Lucy clasped him on the shoulder. “You wouldn’t believe how I missed you, smarty-pants. But there is something you might want to pay attention to.” They nodded in my direction. Ash’s head slowly peeled away from Lucy, still wearing that dress, to me.

Stephen had also caught on by now.

“Eve?” they both asked in unison.

“Tada,” I said, doing a little twirl. “Witness: the new me.”

“That’s one hell of an outfit,” Stephen said. “What shape is that?”

I took a deep breath.

“Not a shape. Literally me. This is me now. I still got Human-Eve as a shape now. The outfit just came with suddenly being cool, or something.”

“Wait. This is not something you shift into? But you can shift into being a human again?” Ash asked.

“Exactly. Which also breaks a ton of rules of how this used to work. My human shape has all the attributes I pumped in there but now gets all the bonuses of my shifted shapes. It is firmly in superhero territory.”

Stephen was the first of them to put his book down. He got up and walked over. He extended his fist and I bumped it.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

“Never had a moment of doubt, Eve.”

This also got Ash to scramble up. He looked up at me. I had already been a bit taller than him before.

“May I hug you? We were all really worried.”

I didn’t reply and instead pulled him into a hug. My tail instinctively curled around his legs.

“Missed you guys, too,” I said.

I pulled away first.

“I’m not gonna lie. Those last days were a living nightmare. Pretty sure they’ll leave scars. I might malfunction from time to time.”

Jamie put a hand on my shoulder.

“When it happens, we’ll be around to help you out.”

“If I’m not on another solo trip.”

“You’ve made your point and solo’d one of them. Not going to leave any for the rest of us?”

“I have annihilated greed. I will not hoard kills. On the contrary, next time we go out we can start powerleveling y’all.”

Ash looked up at me again. He was about to ask something but I stopped him with an outstretched claw.

“Before we continue this discussion. Where is a mirror? I’m realizing I’m having a bit of an identity crisis by not knowing what my face looks like.”

“First door on the left,” Stephen said.

I went to the bathroom and examined my face. It was not kobold-cute. But it was also really far from human. Still distinctly lizard-like, just a bit flatter than the kobold’s and without the disproportionate eyes.

I tested a grin. It looked pretty badass. This would take a while to get used to, but it didn’t feel impossible.

Sure, I was some badass dragon creature now. It was only seven days into a ten-year war. In a year this shape would seem entirely normal and tame compared to the cosmic horrors we’d be facing.

I returned to the others.

“Crisis averted. Where were we?”