Chapter 16

Locating the official U-Nerds healer wasn’t hard. I asked for directions, and then used my new Identify skill liberally until I located her. Keeping down my disappointment, when I learned that their so-called healer was the very same alchemist Crafter who’d been stoned out of her mind the day before was harder.

Evening was slowly taking over as I found her. She did seem a bit more with it today. At the very least, she was upright and at work. Then again, observing her at work just brought more questions with it, when she used what looked like the carved legbone from a damn dinosaur to stir that chitin cauldron of hers.

“Are you a witch?” I had to ask. It was… everything. Her orange hair in wild disarray around her face. The toxic fumes emerging from within the cauldron. The growing darkness around us. She just needed a raven on her shoulder and a few warts on her otherwise well-shaped nose.

She cackled, long and hard. Then she cleared her throat and tittered. “I apologize. I just have to do the cackle whenever somebody asks!”

Her voice was not what I expected. It was kindly and ethereal instead of the cracking high-pitched mess cartoons had prepared me for. I snorted. “You didn’t say no, though. Is this one of those lying by omission things?”

“I mean, if you asked Tiffany from high school, then yes, I am absolutely a witch. Except, she’d spell it with a ‘b.’ Either way, the answer’s probably no. My name is Elizabeth. And I am just your regular Crafter. More specifically, playing at learning how to be an alchemist. So, if you were planning to curse somebody or join me in dancing naked under the moonlight, you’re out of luck. If you want some regular moonshine for drinking, though? I’m your girl.” She frowned and took in my appearance, the jagged rents in my armor and dried blood. “Though it looks like you’re looking for something a bit more here-and-now. They got you good, didn’t they?”

I laughed. “You can say that again. You should see the other guy, though. Or, rather the other – erm – alien-like monster carpet.”

“That got away from you in the end, didn’t it, love?” She smiled. “So, healing. How much health are you missing? Anything else you’re in the market for?”

I nodded eagerly. “Honestly, any boosts to attributes would be amazing, or anything that can protect me or the group in a mess. But…” I spread my arms wide, palm-up. “Maybe I should just ask for a pitch about how all of this bartering shtick works first. I mean, I’ve learned the basics, I think, but that’s it.”

She was all business now. “Okay. Tell us what you’ve been told, like a good parrot.”

“Far as I understand: we carry home dead stuff for the Collectors who tear corpses apart into useful material. Then, Crafters get involved, and we’re given a pittance of what we dragged back in the form of crafted stuff. The better stuff we drag back, the better items we’ll get.”

“That is… woefully incomplete. Not wrong, however. Let me ask. Do you care about the process? Or would you rather just receive your pittance and be done with it?”

I grumbled. “I care enough that I’d rather not be ripped off.”

She tittered again. “Good answer, love. Now, mind you, that we’re all making this up as we go along. Still, the current status quo is this: We have Collectors and Crafters. Collectors either extract the materials themselves – chop wood, mine stone or the like, or refine them from whatever you bring in. The end result is the same. Proper materials, ready for crafting.”

My mind went back to the sight of that guy who’d extracted the full skeleton of a beast. He had to be some sort of Collector then. “But, couldn’t I just extract it myself? Chop the wood? What am I missing?”

“The system, love. That’s what you’re forgetting. Collectors specialize. Or don’t. But those who do specialize are able to imbue the materials with bonuses. And that is what makes all the difference. Looking like that, I hope that you managed to bring back some sort of goods or dead beasts?” She accepted my nod and continued. “Now, that’s where it gets kind of technical. In short, any single Tier to an enemy beast’s level will allow a Collector to extract materials with a bonus of at least that Tier. Meaning, a Level 4 beast gets you bones with a +1 to Strength. Or meat that can give +1 to, say, fire affinities. Also, the Collector’s level and talents come into play here. Are you with me so far, love?”

I did the math. We bagged two beasts that were Tier three, being Levels 10 and 12, respectively, and only one that was Tier one at Level 4. That sounded promising. “I think so. Is the bonus random?”

“Depends on the Collector. But generally, yes. That, of course brings us to the haggling. If you bring good materials to a low-Level Collector, he should only charge a small cut of the materials. If, however, you bring low-Tier material to a high-Level Collector…” She motioned with her hands, as if weighing down a pair of scales.

I groaned. “That sounds like we’re going to get fleeced.”

“Ah. Worry not, love. The U-Nerds aren’t the worst. We do try to not let anybody act out of bounds. But yes, you should try to argue for a fair cut. Depending on the Tier, the Collector, and how much you’ve ruined things, that should leave you with anywhere from fifty to ninety percent of the material, ready for crafting. At least, there’s no such thing as a bartering skill, as far as we know.”

I whistles softly. Good thing that it was out of my hands. I’d much rather take on another pair of Core Leechers than have to haggle and argue with some slimy salesman who had talents to cheat me on top of his business acumen. Besides, I knew what I looked like. Somebody like Nix would always earn better rates than I would. “And the crafting, then? I’m expecting that’s equally complex?”

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She smiled kindly. “Of course it is. When has anything worthwhile ever been simple?”

I tried not to let my emotions show on my face. I’d always preferred simple. You could pay five hundred quid for a meal, and have some posh wanker unironically serve you snails. Meanwhile, my local Indian served a butter chicken for 8.99 that gave my collective taste buds an orgasm every single time. Simple was good!

She ignored my ongoing internal discussion and explained. “As to crafting, it all depends on what you want crafted and if you are able to barter for all needed materials yourself. If they need to get some materials, they’ll charge you more.”

“Seems fair.”

“Basically, though, the more complex and time consuming an item you want crafted, the more expensive. Crafters are left with a wide range of possibilities – but there’s only so much time in the day. Besides, we need to use mana for our crafts and, often as not, stamina. That limits the number of items we can create a day.”