Chapter 20: Again.

Chronos wordlessly places a cup of tea in front of me. He and Morag already sit with their own. I try it. Some strong black tea smoothed out by just a little too much milk or as my mum would have said, ‘the whole cow’. I don’t even like black tea but I think I’d be crying if my emotions were not so dulled here. In a way, I realize this is a blessing as much as a curse. It would be even better if said emotions didn’t return with a vengeance while an assassin prepares to do me in.

 

“I’m tired, boss,” I say as a greeting.

 

“No,” Chronos immediately corrects. “Do not call me that. Not even as a jest. I am not your boss.”

 

I’m a bit nonplussed. Nonplussed is good. I need the distraction.

 

“Why? I thought avatars were, you know, subordinated?”

 

“For many deities yes, but not for us. Never for us. Remember, Steve. I have placed you beyond even my reach. You must not submit to anyone.”

 

“You would willingly give up power over me?” I ask, a bit surprised because, well, god.

 

I assume Chronos could do some mind bending stuff if he wanted.

 

“I don’t need to have power over you, Steve. My objective is not power, nor to rule. My objective is your victory.”

 

Again with that and I still don’t understand.

 

“Honestly, I don’t get it. If I can’t lose, does that not mean you automatically win?”

 

“I can think of three different paths to my defeat within the constraints I set up.”

 

“Oh?” I ask, very curious.

 

It’s weird that he would volunteer the information, but I suspect I would have asked myself that question at some point. Chronos merely smiles anyway. I won’t get an answer from him.

 

“So,” I say, deciding to change the topic. “I met my rival.”

 

I pause. Which makes no sense and has never worked before so I continue. Honestly, there are many people who will fill a silence if you let them, but Chronos and Morag are seemingly immune.

 

“She seems to be aware of the existence of the loop.”

 

“This is not the first time my sister and I face one another,” Chronos replies. “Although she cannot loop herself, Lilith Seranne Kerentis has… specific skill options that she will use against you.”

 

“Such as?”

 

Morag adds even more milk to her tea. Is it even tea at this point?

 

“Can I at least get options against her?” I ask.

 

Chronos smiles. I roll my eyes. Why do I even bother?

 

“Alright. Well, that loop went about as well as it could have given the circumstances. I got a ton of points. I’ll check the skill arcade. Oh, before that, any idea why she shows up so late in the year?”

 

Chronos tilts his head. That means he will give me a reply. Not the one I want though.

 

“There are no rules that state that the avatar we pick must be present on Enderlith when the year starts.”

 

“But since the game happens there, the gods will pick someone who can show up to participate. Unless they’re completely insane. That’s why War and Space only come later. But then, would it not have been more convenient to let them know in advance so they get closer?”

 

Morag creaks forward with the sound of a crumbling mountain. She holds a pot between her inhuman fingers. I get a refill.

 

“Thank you, Morag.”

 

She is much more graceful now. Maybe the recurring drink joke grew on her, yet no matter how perfect the ceremony is, she still looks like — Oh.

 

“The avatars are already following their nature. The powerful ones are busy before the year, so they don’t just ‘show up’,” I say.

 

War probably takes time to come because he was waging or preparing for war. I know almost nothing about Lilith. It might be worth looking into. Hmmm.

 

That’s not immediately relevant.

 

“If she knows about the loops, wouldn’t she know she cannot win?”

 

“I have never set the amount of loops to ‘infinite’. I always could, but my previous champions could win in under a hundred, or at most within a thousand. The required power investment scales exponentially, up to a point, then one more branch makes no difference.”

 

He leans back in his chair. I think he’s gotten better at acting human. Morag too, from the way she tilts her cup to study its color.

 

“You will find that it does not matter.”

 

“What do you mean?” I ask.

 

“You will understand what I mean when you face her more often.”

 

“Yeah, not sure it’s a good idea.”

 

My mind returns to Krane’s warning, which I gormlessly ignored. Which would have led to a mostly wasted loop had Xan not turned out to be a swell lad. I got lucky with people again.

 

“I… what Kerentis said is right. My existence means that people will live and lose one year of their lives every time I fail. If I accept that those people are real and so are their suffering, then… I’m a fucking monster.”

 

“No.”

 

Chronos looks at me. I feel a weight in his silvery iris. I’m no longer talking to my friendly sponsor. This is the god.

 

“I am the monster, Steve Prentiss. You are forgetting an essential fact. I will remind you every time you do so. Poets and Elders may say time is precious, fleeting, fleeing, long or short. Very few people ever say time is kind. I am not kind. I am necessary, just as my decision was, but I am not kind.”

 

I am reminded of the ‘favor’ he granted the man who got me my apartment.

 

“Then why are you kind to me? You’re acting kind.”

 

“You are my champion,” Chronos says as if that explained anything. Maybe it does?

 

“And besides, I am not cruel. My objective is rooted in kindness.”

 

“Making me win?” I ask, because honestly this feels a little crazy.

 

He merely smiles. I suppose at least if I win, I’ll have saved Enderlith. It has to count for something.

 

The idea of saving the station leads me to Krane’s words again. I guess I want to at least talk about it, though I don’t expect much of an answer from Chronos.

 

“Krane said… actually, do you mind that I allied with him? Any thoughts?”

 

Morag shakes her head in disappointment. As usual, her voice is low and raspy. It sounds like it’s coming from a much larger organism.

 

“You will not win alone.”

 

Of course, avatars make alliances.

 

“Favors, promises, and threats. Those are the currency of a future archon,” Chronos comments.

 

He smiles some more.

 

“Hypothetically.”

 

“Sounds like politics to me.”

 

“Because it is. You were speaking of dear Redemption?”

 

“Ah yes. You, ah. You know what I’m going to ask.”

 

“And I will ask, in turn, that you pronounce it anyway.”

 

Annoying.

 

“Is Krane right? Am I being selfish and self-centered by trying to help people in what will obviously be a dead branch?”

 

Chronos helps himself to some more tea.

 

“There is an entire field of philosophy dedicated to what is moral, back on Earth,” he says.

 

“Ethics, yes,” I reply. “I have heard of it.”

 

“You were taught the Hellenistic schools, Thomas Aquinas’ natural law, Kant’s categorical imperative…”

 

“Look it’s not because I attended school…”

 

“Sapient beings have been exploring the ins and outs of morality since language became a thing,” Chronos interrupts, “and you are still searching. I will tell you that only you can decide, in the end, what is right, just as I will tell you this. Even if you do decide on comprehensive rules to dictate your behavior right here, right now, you will fail to uphold them.”

 

He looks a little sad.

 

“You will fail, Steve. I feel the need to convince you of this. You will fail and make mistakes, and you will change your mind, and you will have regrets. I know I am giving you little comfort in saying so, yet I insist. Follow your heart. And then pay for it.”

 

I glare at the god though my heart isn’t into it.

 

“I’m going to check my skill options as a coping mechanism.”

 

Chronos smiles and stays, as always. Morag has given up. She’s pouring milk directly into her maw.

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“You know, if you find black tea that horrendous then I suggest a palate cleanser, such as lemon tea with cucumber slices,” I very helpfully suggest.

 

The bottle doesn’t change, but the liquid turns transparent with zesty bits.

 

“Thus I earn the goddess’ favor.”

 

I assume she gives me a thumbs up given that the appendage is at the end of her arm and that it’s pointing in the right direction. With one last sigh, I turn around.

 

I need a strategy. A plan. A plan must be detailed and feasible within a time frame. Saanvi had an entire list but I don’t remember it — she worked as a middle manager. But she had a good point. ‘I want to stop the bomb’ isn’t a plan, it’s a purpose. Ok. What are my options, and how do I achieve them? I have a ton of qualia available, but those need to go towards skills that are immediately useful, because immediate use grants immediate results that lead to more points anyway. Ok. I need to stop a terrorist attack. What usually happens that leads to a terrorist attack getting stopped?

 

I could infiltrate the cell, I guess, but I imagine time is short and I don’t know anything about them to begin with. I guess it could be a long term objective, but I’m not an exemplar of guile and devious planning so… not an immediate option. I should still check manipulation options.

 

I could also go for the diplomatic option by involving Law and her goons. I think it would be difficult, but perhaps not impossible with good arguments. Krane might be wrong about our chances. And to be honest with myself, ‘millions must die so that Steve may keep doing push ups’ just horrifies the fuck out of me. If it comes to that, I want to be absolutely sure. Give it a good try. And diplomacy is always useful. I will need to learn how to speak with Enderlith’s smarmy cunts at some point so might as well be now. Skills that help with communication would be good.

 

Last option I can think of is force. Not mine, of course, I’m too weak for that, but I could rent it. I have some money. Get Krane and some muscle and we might be able to ambush the terrorists when they arrive. I like that idea a lot as a stopgap measure before I can acquire more personal strength. Ok, let’s see what skills could help with any of those lessons.

 

And immediately I hit a wall.

 

I think Chronos could have set up a system where I could only buy something after I unlocked it, somehow, in order to better guide me I suppose. He did not, but that’s the problem with absolute freedom and no information whatsoever: I find myself unable to effectively sort through the mountain of available options. Between highly specialized knowledge and improbable skills — seriously who needs to be a genius at building abyssal big game bait flutes? — I am overwhelmed by choices. Nevertheless, and after what must be several ‘hours’, I have a shortlist and several more ideas.

 

On the diplomacy front, there are dozens of knowledge skills on etiquette with various factions going from sects, to high patrician families, corporations, churches, the works. Law’s templars are included. There are also skills based on police methodology, presentation skills that help with sharing information, lots of stuff. I even find law classes. The thing is, all those skills do not feel immediately useful because, one, I’m still forming a plan, and two, I should be relatively easy to acquire the old-fashioned way. Well, not really no, but they should be available at centers of learning, and I know for sure there are some on Enderlith. They are not ‘hidden’ skills that require knowing the right person.

 

[Improved Cold Empathy, first stage [Augmentation] [Tier 1] Cost: 500 Prerequisites: first awakening (scales with observation abilities, soul awakening helps tremendously)

 

Augmentations change you on a fundamental level, regardless of when.

 

This augmentation allows you to read people, to identify what they think and believe beyond their words through micro-expressions, mana variations and soul shifts.]

 

I presume this would be immensely useful to anyone with any interest in people, and it would be an easy pick for me were it not for the price and scaling. Tier 2 is not just more expensive, it also requires physical awakening at stage 2 which means I will be stuck with the lower, expensive grade for a very long time. I doubt the people I will be interacting with will be weak enough to be readable by the skill’s lowest tier, therefore it’s probably not a great investment. All the other options are etiquette and knowledge skills that will teach me how to work with law enforcement. My major issue here is that this is the sort of skills I feel I can get… organically. I am not convinced qualia points are limited. It would imply there is an end to what can be experienced or learned and I simply believe this is not true, or if it is, it is absolutely not true for someone who’s under a thousand years old, yet there is no denying the influx of points will slow down at some point. Large increases will only become more difficult as time goes by and I become, well, more experienced. As such I should be careful about the way I use them. I do think I am allowed to make a few mistakes and experiment a little, but there is a limit to it. So I will not acquire any of the diplomatic skills unless I have a very good idea about what I need, specifically, to save this damn station.

 

Another option was force, specifically the strength of those I can bring with me because I’m not going to become a paragon of violence within the next three loops. I do not find anything really interesting related to mercenaries. All the skills are too specific. I have no intention of leading a mercenary company in a world where common threats make people-skin balls glued to ship hulls, thank you very much.

 

Weirdly, infiltration is where I get the most success. The first skill I find great interest in relates to the ‘getting in’ part of the problem. Enderlith is full of locks and sealed gates normally serviced by flesh golems, not just on the surface but below. They don’t really monitor the gates so much as make sure they remain serviced, so plenty of stuff is under control of various political entities. The skill in questions is:

 

[Archaic arcane locksmithing. [Knowledge] [Tier 2] cost: 300. Additional requirements: first physical awakening (scales with mana perception and soul awakening, musical knowledge).

 

Knowledge adds a new tome to your soul book.