Book 8 – Chapter 8 – Correctly

I’ll be honest, I gave it a fifty fifty chance of working out.

I’d really need to dig my boots into the snow here, but I was committed. The alternative was trying to figure out the actual answer to this ‘riddle’ and that wasn’t happening. But you miss every shot you don’t take and so forth. Might as well go full audacity mode if the alternative is just straight up losing.

And the next set of words from Speaker immediately clued me in that I had made the right pick.

“What have you done?” Speaker hissed. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! MY RIDDLE!”

“ANALYSIS RUNNING.” Judge spoke, voice far more calm. Methodical. Unburdened by the thought of spending forty seven years developing the ultimate riddle only to run into a Winterscar.

“ESTABLISHED RULES: Challenger has to answer correctly.

CHALLENGER RESPONSE: ‘Correctly’

EVALUATION: Response directly fulfills stated requirement.

JUDGEMENT: FIRST RIDDLE, RESOLVED.”

There was a scream right after that. Frustration. Hatred. Despair. Fear.

…

Okay, I may have lied about that one. It was mostly just pure hatred. In fact, I was certain that Speaker had joined the list of people who want nothing more than to strangle me alive.

“Thus… speaks the judge.” Speaker said, grinding out each letter like I was pulling bolted down teeth. “The first riddle is…” It sounded almost about to cry. “Resolved.”

Cathida cackled for me. “You know the best part about all this deary?”

“Loot?”

“Besides that, you obsessed gremlin.” She scoffed, “The best part is that Speaker here can’t ever use that riddle again on some other unsuspecting human. According to the older records back when people were able to solve this little pyrite shit’s riddles, it isn’t allowed to use the same riddle twice.”

There was only sobbing coming from the terminal right now.

“So that riddle it spent forty seven years writing up is gone forever?” I asked.

“Yep. You’ve unblocked a few hundred known locations of mite treasure chests that this asshole’s been keeping locked up.”

“The depth of my hatred for you is immeasurable.” Speaker hissed out slowly.

“Oof, my condolences.” I said, patting the terminal. “Or congratulations, whichever applies. But I’m also in a little bit of a rush, so if you could give me the second and third riddle, that would be nice.”

“I hope your inevitable death by old age or environmental accident is tragic, painful, and lengthy.” It continued.

“So that’s the next riddle? Seems pretty straightforward, but not my airspeeder, not my snow after all. I’m just here to answer your riddles… correctly.” I said, putting my hand on the palm.

“NO! That isn’t even a riddle, it’s a statement!”

“I’d still answer the same.” I said. “Riddle please.”

It groaned. “The second riddle is as follows:
With only the power of addition, how might you add eight 8’s to reach exactly the number 1,000?”

It really went all in on the math riddles looked like. Maybe it recently discovered mathematics exists, and was a little energetic at its new toys. But this one didn’t feel quite as impossible as solving an unsolvable hypothesis.

Eight eights added up to sixty four, so the riddle clearly required some outside the box mucking about, and nothing actually to do with mathematics.

I had a vague idea already on where to start on that one, but I also had an even better idea: Ignoring all that and answering: “Correctly.” I said, hand on the terminal.

“NO YOU OVERSIZED UNDER-EVOLVED MONKEY!” Speaker shrieked. “THAT’S NOT HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO GO! THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO!”

“ANALYSIS RUNNING.” Judge spoke a moment later, as if waking up only for one purpose. One giant eye probably opening up to look over the answer, approve it, then go back to sleep.

“No!” Speaker spoke, now fully desperate. “Please, Judge, come to your senses. I implore you! This goes against the entire spirit of the riddles!”

“Hey now.” I said, holding the paper up, “Rules. Are. Rules.” My pen tapped the paper with each word. “We signed off on this. You agreed.”

I have become the devil offering deals to unsuspecting victims rushing too fast to pull their proverbial lever. Past me would have shed a tear at this sight. Bullying ancient entities that have had one too many years to relax.

“ESTABLISHED RULES: Challenger has to answer correctly.

CHALLENGER RESPONSE: ‘Correctly’

EVALUATION: Response directly fulfills stated requirement.

JUDGEMENT: SECOND RIDDLE, RESOLVED.”

Speaker devolved into incoherent shrieking. For a good thirty seconds. Which sounds like it’s not that much time, but given it was outright screaming for a full thirty seconds, it certainly felt like it was going on for an eternity.

Finally it stopped.

“You okay buddy?” I asked. “Need to take a breath?”

“No.” Speaker hissed back. “I am not okay.”

“I mean are you okay enough to give me the last riddle? Clock’s ticking, chests to loot for ancient mite treasures and I’m running late for a dinner arrangement.”

There was the sound of sniffing for a moment. “Two and two add to four, and multiply to the same. Widen the lens outwards beyond zero and speak the three whole numbers that add and multiply to their respective same.” It paused. “Please don’t answer ‘correctly.’”

“Wait. That’s illegal.” I said, pen once more tapping the paper. “Judge, isn’t that sidestepping the rules we just signed?”

“RESOLVING.

RULES MODIFICATION MIDWAY DOES NOT COMPLY WITH CONTRACT.

CHALLENGER WILL CONTINUE USING ESTABLISHED RULES.”

“… Thus speaks the judge.” Speaker groaned. “Please, you creator forsaken morally bankrupt asshole, at least give it an attempt.”

I gave the terminal an encouraging pat. “No.” Then put my hand over the panel, pressed down and said the final ‘Correctly.’

I’m playing the semantics game here. I was well aware how sharp a double-edged sword could be. There wasn’t a non-zero chance Speaker would somehow misconstrue my ‘for-fun’ take at its riddle and ruin my entire run so far in one sweep.

“ESTABLISHED RULES: Challenger has to answer correctly.

CHALLENGER RESPONSE: ‘Correctly’

EVALUATION: Response directly fulfills stated requirement.

JUDGEMENT: THIRD RIDDLE, RESOLVED.

Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.

CREATOR-CACHE UNSEALED. CHALLENGER AUTHORIZED ACCESS.”

I turned to the terminal. “So?”

Speaker weakly spoke. Once more grinding out its words. “Thus speaks the judge. You may recover the cache left behind.”

“Well, Cathida, if he insists, maybe I should?” I asked.