Chapter 1 – Rebirth

A raw, primal scream was being wrenched from my throat, my mind and body wracked by pain. The pain of loss, the pain of death, the pain of ending.

A crisp snap broke through my screaming, the pair of fingers that did the deed appearing in my vision. An old pair of fingers started the snap; a young pair of fingers ended the snap. I felt a strange force invade my mind, grab something, twist, and rip. I cried out in pain, a sense of loss washing over me. My mouth closed, every breath sending fresh flames of torment radiating from my lungs.

A tall, thin man was in front of me, speaking. “I do really hate the screaming, but I suppose that’s what happens when you mortals die.”

Wait what!? Die!? I was in class just a second ago! What did he mean die!? I was too young to die! I could feel the panic quickly mounting again, my breath becoming shorter and faster as I started to hyperventilate.

“Who are you? Where is this? What do you mean die!?”

As I shot my questions off rapid-fire, I looked around.

I was disoriented. Dazed. Pain and anguish were clawing at my heart, my mind, my very soul, but slowly, oh so slowly, it was starting to fade.

Until I noticed where I was. And where I wasn’t.

Then it all came rushing back, and while I’d been silenced nothing stopped me from hyperventilating there’snoairhereohmygod!

A pair of fingers snapped again, and the man spoke once more, derision dripping from the single word he uttered.

“Honestly.”

My mind cleared.

I wasn’t sure where I was anymore – I seemed to be floating in space, surrounded by twinkling stars and galaxies, comets and planets. It wasn’t home, it wasn’t school, it wasn’t even earth. There was nobody present except the tall thin man, floating impossibly in front of me, looking both ancient and young, happy and sad, male and female, tall and short, fat and skinny, red and blue – wait what?

I pinched myself, putting all my might into it. Only thing to do really. This dream was way too trippy for me.

I jumped as an electric shock went through me. I was still here, wherever here was. That didn’t bode well.

I might be in a minor spot of serious trouble.

A deep, long-suffering sigh escaped him? Her?

“You died. I took the memory of you dying to calm you down. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have worked nearly as well as it should’ve.” She added, barely under her breath “Mortals.”

I felt an enforced calmness come over me, my panic not going away, just… not mattering anymore. Given where I was, strange floating among the stars with what can only be described as a super powerful shape-shifter, I could believe I had died. This wasn’t Kansas anymore.

“Now then, we can have a discussion. You have died. Your soul has failed to properly re-enter the cycle of reincarnation, and I found you just floating in the void.”

Their face twisted in an unhappy grimace, and I felt an instinctive fear run through my…

Did I even have a body anymore? Was I just a soul now?

I didn’t know what to make of being told I’d died, that my life was over. I did know that I hadn’t been old, or even middle-aged when I died. Had I even made it to adulthood!? I tried to make a disgruntled noise – the enforced calm was preventing any sort of outrage, only to discover that I couldn’t make a sound.

That bastard.

We couldn’t have a ‘discussion’ if I couldn’t say a single word! I guess he just wanted to monologue, and my input could take a jolly hike.

“I’m Papilion, the God of Change,” she grandly announced, to an audience of one – and that constant shifting of male to female, young to old, pleased to outraged made a bit more sense, although it was giving me a pounding headache to follow. “And you’re being reincarnated. Normally, as souls are reincarnated through the cycle of life and death, all of their memories are erased. They’re given a clean slate to start over. I don’t know what to make of you, a lone soul lost to Samsara, so you have the option of keeping some of your memories. Regrettably, a newborn’s mind is simply too small for all of the things you know, and you do know quite a few dangerous things. What is your choice? Would you like to start as a blank slate, a new life? Or keep some of your knowledge, some of who you are, knowing that you’ll never be able to go back, be forever incomplete, missing a part of yourself?”

I wasn’t ready to make a decision of this scale. Hell, 10 minutes ago by my reckoning, I was debating what to eat for lunch, deciding if I wanted to buy that dress or not, and figuring out how to get all my homework done!

Poof! Like a magician’s disappearing act, it was all gone! A mote of dust in the breeze, smoke wrapped in the wind, the last ember soaked in water.

My entire life was over. Everything I’d worked for and accomplished gone in a heartbeat.

The crushing weight of that threatened to overwhelm me, but then the absurdity hit.

I was dead. It wasn’t like I could make any worse choices now, could I?

What was the worst that could happen now?

On one hand, I could keep my memories. Sounded painful, more emotional than physical. I would lose everyone I had ever known – my parents, my best friend, my brother, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends – everyone. I would know it. I would be aware. It was like a plague went through and I had to attend a hundred funerals at once, but the only funeral anyone would be attending was mine. The option to just… forget… was tempting, especially if it was as thorough as removing the memory of me dying was.

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