34 – Pork

Leaving the bath behind for others to use – the hygiene of that was a bit questionable, in my opinion, but apparently it was common practice – Lily and I headed over to the kitchen.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the sight of the cook at work. The balding middle-aged man was busy sorting various portions of meat. He was also muttering and complaining continuously.

That’s a lot of pork. I took a moment to take in the sight. It really was all of the even remotely edible parts of the pig Mia ordered. Everything from filet to ribs to even organs and bones. I paused at the last one. Bones? Then I realized they were probably used to make stock or otherwise cooked to extract the flavors.

Few things were missing. I didn’t see all the organs at a casual glance, nor was part of the skin anywhere to be seen. My eyes alighted on stacks of various sausages. From what appeared like normal variants, to liver sausage and, most eye-catching, dark red blood sausages.

It smelled a little bit like blood, even from several meters away. But notably not the sweet, pleasant scent I’d gotten used to from blood. Actual blood smell. Vaguely metallic. Interesting.

Not that it didn’t still smell appetizing, to be honest. I guess that’s just something I like now. Wonder what it tastes like?

My eyes were drawn away from my real prize to the cook hefting chunks of meat about.

I had this thought just a bit earlier, but that’s a lot of pork.

Whatever pig was slaughtered for this, it was definitely not small. I’d guess upwards of a hundred kilos of total product here, maybe even two. Plus whatever parts were deemed unappetizing enough not to be delivered.

Mostly raw, surprisingly. Aside from the sausages that were obviously processed, the rest was just barely-treated meat.

Maybe my order was a bit too short-term. I was one hundred percent sure this was not a good way to store meat in this world. There might be magic for it somewhere, but not in this town. And winter was still a ways off.

Ordering this much meat so soon must have meant there wasn’t enough time to properly smoke or dry it all. Or whatever other preservation methods people here used.

With my inspection of the meat complete for now, I actually caught some of the cook’s incessant complaints. Helped along by him suddenly yelling in anger.

“What in the gods’ name am I supposed to do with this much meat?! Is there a large banquet I wasn’t informed about? No! Who ordered all this?”

I lightly cleared my throat. Lily was staring at me intently. The cook nearly dropped the box stacked full of ribs with how fast he turned.

“I ordered the pig.” There was a slight smile on my face. My appearance and declaration sapped the anger right out of the sweating man. Instead of the flushed red it had been, his face was quickly trying to match mine in shade.

“M-my apologies, Lord Steelheart. I spoke out of turn.”

“It’s fine. This also isn’t what I imagined when I ordered, to be honest. I might have been a bit rash with my wording.”

That left the cook staring at me slack-jawed. Lily just nodded a fraction with a thoughtful expression.

Shaking off his stupor, the man carefully placed the box on a nearby counter before bowing. Good, I was worried he’d break his feet if he drops it in shock.

“Where are my manners? Welcome, Lord Steelheart. What can I do for you? And please, what are your orders for all this meat?”

“What is your estimation on whether you can process all this before it goes bad?”

A grimace. “Very unlikely. Smoking or drying would take too long, especially on my own. We don’t have enough salt here to treat it all either. Could get some more in town, but that would take more time. Not enough wood either. Even in the cellar, this much fresh meat will go bad quick. As for using it up…” He looked up at me. Only now did I realize I was a full head taller than him.

Sensing the man’s hesitation, I waved him on. “Go on, say it. I want to hear your professional opinion.”

Tugging at his apron, the cook obliged. “There’s too much here even if I prepare purely pork-based meals for you and Sir Lars for the next few days, Lord Steelheart. Some parts might keep, but a lot would spoil. It’d be a damn waste.”

“Hmm.” I cupped my chin in thought. “You said one of your issues was working on this alone. If you had more help, could you deal with it all?”

“I– it’s not a matter of hands alone, Lord Steelheart. The oven here is also only so large. Smoking takes a while. Not to mention drying. Also, this oven isn’t really made to be a smoker. I could probably manage something, but it wouldn’t be efficient. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Not like you placed the order. No, that dubious honor falls to me. Out of curiosity, could you cook all this in a reasonable time-frame with enough help?”

“Oh yes. Baking or frying is much faster than proper smoking. And if the kitchen isn’t sufficient, it’s much easier to just set up a fire outside to roast something. But that leaves the issue of who would eat so much meat?”

“I see. Out of curiosity, how is the food for servants and guards handled?”

There was a spark of recognition in Lily’s eyes, though the cook didn’t seem to realize what I was getting at yet.

“Oh, it’s a mix of me and a few of the maids preparing food in the mornings and evenings. Mostly in the small kitchen over in the servant’s quarters. Why do you ask?”

“Well, since it would be a waste to let so much good meat spoil, what about if I tell you to prepare food for everyone in the manor with it?”

Again, the cook stared at me slack-jawed. Lily’s gaze was a bit different than before, more appraising, with a hint of understanding and… appreciation?

“It’s still a lot… But much more likely to work. At least it’ll put a good dent into the amount.”

“Well then. Grab as much help as you need. I’d like you to use up and process this meat the way you see fit. Just make sure the least possible amount goes to waste.”

Contrary to his earlier anxiety, now the cook looked downright giddy.

“Yes, Lord Steelheart! I’ll run over to the servant quarters right now to drum up some helpers. Maybe even some off-duty guards? I’m sure those guys will pitch in when they hear what it’s about. One meal, even for everyone, won’t be enough. We’ll be eating pork tomorrow as well. At the very least. But with a bunch of eager hands, I’m sure I can make it work.”

True to his word, the man bustled out. Leaving Lily and me all alone with a pig, err big, spread of meat. But more importantly, blood sausage!

My self-control waning, I moved over to the table holding the sausages. Reaching for one of the deep red, bordering on black sausage links, I gave it a sniff.

Yep, that smells a lot like blood. Plus some meaty, fatty flavors, but mainly blood. I’m pretty sure that’s not normal. Probably a quirk of my new biology.

“Oh, Lord Steelheart. Those are blood sausages. They’re a sort of scrap meal made of blood and various bits of fat or meat. Usually with grains or other fillers mixed in as well. Probably not something that’ll fit your tastes.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks for your concern.”

Lily raised her hands in surrender. There was a hint of humor in her voice. “I won’t stop you. Just wanted to offer a warning.”

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

“How would you eat this?”

“Well, it is boiled during the production, so it’s solid inside. I’d say just like any other sausage. Cut it and eat it with some bread. Could also fry it up. I don’t often eat it, since it keeps pretty poorly.”

Looking around, I found a loaf of bread and a knife. Cutting myself a thick slice of bread, I followed Lily’s advice to add some cut blood sausage on top.

I had to admit, even with my new vampire physiology, it didn’t look the most appetizing. Though that was probably a mix of my old memories and Kalin’s. The smell was good, better now that I’d opened a sausage up.

Just like I’d been warned, it was fatty. Still, that fact barely registered over the taste.

It was interesting. I was pretty sure this wasn’t what it would be like for a normal human. It tasted very much of blood. The old, almost forgotten version that wasn’t sweet. Metallic, just like the smell.

But it was delicious anyway. In a different way than fresh blood, of course. That still tasted better. Something about this though was ticking all the right boxes. Apparently the sausage wasn’t just blood and scraps, but also had added spices and something that tasted a lot like onion added.