Chapter 1705 – Slicker Than an Eel Bathing in Olive Oil with Buttered Soap and a Wax Body Wash

Just… what is going on here?

The ant in front of me is unlike anything I’ve seen before. Fancy-looking clothing, gold jewelry, glasses. It’s not over the top, but it’s enough to create an image of affluence and sophistication that… unless I’m mistaken… an ant simply does not need.

“What’s your deal?” I ask this strange little creature.

“My deal? I have so many of those. We can talk about them one at a time if you want, or, if you prefer, I can select a few premium offerings from my portfolio. I have a few things that spring to mind immediately. Have you considered a tasteful robe for public settings? The diplomatic corps are reporting great success from the latest line.”

She really is small, possibly only tier four, but she talks… not quickly, not like Vibrant at all, but… smoothly. Effortless patter that flows like drizzled honey onto my antennae, and for a moment, I wonder if I might actually want to put a ridiculous carpet on my back.

I flick my attention toward Enid and see she is watching me very closely, leaning on her walking stick as she observes my reaction. She said this was her student? Clearly the Colony has borne another Champion, because no normal ant would ever do anything like this.

“I don’t want one of your rugs, I want you to tell me who you are and what you do.”

Lying flat on the ground, I’m as low as I can get, and I still tower over Enid and this little ant. Hopefully she doesn’t say anything silly, one thwack will probably crush her to the floor.

“A carpet? Please. This weave is spun by the finest artisans in the Colony using only silk from the gloam-worm fields of the fourth stratum. The ka’armodo are going crazy over the quality, I assure you.”

I prod her with an antenna.

“Did I ask you to sell me a mat or to introduce yourself?”

She doesn’t miss a beat, sweeping the glasses from her eyes with a smooth gesture and executing an extremely complicated six legged curtsy.

“You must forgive me, I am simply passionate about the things my siblings create. My name is Merchant, and I have been studying the art of commerce under Mistress Ruther while you’ve been sleeping.”

Well… I suppose that explains a lot. She looks the part of a merchant, and she certainly seems to have learned a thing or two about selling stuff.

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“What tier are you?” I ask.

Maybe it’s a bit rude to ask like that….

“Five,” Merchant responds promptly, brushing a speck of imaginary dust from her garments.

Five? But she’s still so small? I was thinking it would be a bit rash to place such important negotiations in the mandibles of an ant who was barely out of the antcademy, but tier five is… respectable. Merchant must have been accelerated by the Colony, since she clearly isn’t built for combat.

Not regular combat, at any rate.