1 – Green Dragon Blink

Midway through my life, I bought a pipe. I know, I know, tobacco is bad for you and all that, but the pipe represented something to me. It represented a silent rebellion against the world of meetings, monotonous commutes, and the never-ending slew of emails. I fantasized about smoking a pipe the way some might fantasize about having a torrid affair.

When finally it came in the mail, I was overjoyed. I had done a bunch of research online and got myself a very respectable beginner’s pipe. It had a briarwood bowl with a detachable vulcanite stem. Deciding on a tobacco was the harder part. Everyone online seemed to have their own opinion.

Eventually, I went with something called Capstan Blue Flake, which seemed to be recommended in a lot of forums. Apparently, even Tolkien smoked it. But when the package arrived, the company must have mixed up the order because they sent something called Green Dragon Blink instead. I figured it would all pretty much taste the same to me at this point since I never really smoked before, so I didn’t really think much of it.

I wanted the first time I smoked it to be special, so I planned a camping trip. By some miracle, I got my paid time off request approved and booked a campsite at some remote mountain lake for the whole week.

From what I read, the mindset around smoking pipes was completely different than smoking cigarettes. People smoked cigarettes for a quick nicotine high, whereas pipe smokers enjoyed the taste of the tobacco and the relaxation it offered. That’s what drew me to it. I wanted to spend quiet moments pondering life and watching the seasons roll by.

The morning of the trip, I had everything packed, so I set off before dawn. It was a long way to the campsite, and I wanted as much time out there as possible. It had been a while since I’d gotten up this early, and watching the sunrise as I drove out of the city was absolutely beautiful.

It was early afternoon when I arrived at the site. I had picked one that was set off from the rest of the sites, and that butted up against the lake. I backed my car into the spot and immediately walked down to the water’s edge to get a good look at what would be my temporary home for the next seven days.

It was everything I imagined. There was a tall pine tree with gnarled red bark that stood next to the shore. It provided a shaded spot where I set up my tent. Once everything was ready, I pulled out my folding camp chair and settled in for a good smoke.

A slight breeze sent ripples spreading over the water and shifted the branches above, sending spots of dappled sunlight dancing across me. I unboxed my pipe and fished the tin of tobacco out of my bag. The simple green label stared back at me. Green Dragon Blink. I turned it over, looking for where it was made, but there was absolutely no information. Just a green dragon blowing puffs of smoke out of its nostrils. I cracked the tin open, took what I thought was a decent-sized pinch, and pressed the shredded amber leaf into the bowl of the pipe.

I lit a match (I wanted to do things the old-fashioned way) and gave the pipe a few tentative puffs, sucking the flame in to ignite the leaves. I was aware enough not to breathe too much in. I didn’t want my first pipe experience to end in a coughing fit. But despite my best efforts, cough I did.

It wasn’t too bad though. After I cleared my throat, I gave it another go. This time the experience was a little more pleasant. I rolled the tobacco smoke around on my tongue, savoring the leathery taste before blowing it back out in a thin stream.

I liked watching the smoke rise above the lake water. It actually did have a blue tint to it, unlike classic campfire smoke. I did my best to blow a smoke ring, but failed miserably. All in good time, I thought to myself.

As I sat there, puffing on my pipe, looking out over the tranquil blue water of the lake, I felt myself start to get lightheaded. I knew this might happen, so I took a break and just watched the landscape. To my surprise, I saw a faint shimmering start to form near the shore of the lake.

I shook my head to dispel the vision, but it remained, growing larger until what looked like a portal hovered invitingly in front of me.

I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this, but my campsite was far removed from the others. I looked back and the portal-like distortion was still there.

I looked down at my pipe. Had I unknowingly smoked some kind of hallucinogenic blend? I’d done mushrooms once before in college, but this didn’t feel like that. Everything else around the lake looked completely normal. No super-saturated colors. No fractal imagery.

I got up and walked as close to the portal as I dared. It was a swirling oval of violet energy. I couldn’t see the lake behind it, the ripples of energy were so dense. For a second I had the fleeting thought that I should walk through it.

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Was I crazy? If this really was a portal, who knew where it might lead? I could end up on the surface of the sun, or torn apart atom-by-atom in some black hole. But still…

I had a feeling this all had to do with that mysterious tobacco. Green Dragon Blink. Blink meant teleport in some RPGs, right? And dragon implied some kind of fantasy world. If my instincts were right, this was a portal to some realm of swords and sorcery.

I definitely sounded crazy. But if this was real, how could I pass up a chance to visit a fantasy world? My parents had died several years back and my love life was nonexistent. The only thing I had going for me in this life was my job. And you know how I felt about that.

I reached out my hand and touched the portal. The swirling purple energy clung to my finger like jam. There wasn’t any pain, and my finger definitely wasn’t getting torn apart atom-by-atom. If anything, it was a pleasant tingling sensation.

I took one look back at my campsite. If I was going to do this, I was going to be prepared. I grabbed my backpack and walked over to my tent, unzipping the side and stuffing my sleeping bag into my pack as far down as it would go. It didn’t leave much room, but what was left I filled with as much food and clothes as would fit. Mainly beef jerky and protein bars. I made sure I had my pipe, the Green Dragon blend, and my box of matches, then walked back up to the portal.

This was it. This was my chance at a new life.

I took a deep breath and stepped through.

The portal engulfed me like a membrane of jello. For a moment, I was surrounded by a cacophony of flashing lights and barely formed images of surrealist landscapes. It felt like being in a carnival funhouse mixed with some sort of dimensional rift. Before I could make sense of this liminal space, I popped out in a world that didn’t look too different than the one I had just left.

In fact, I was standing next to a pristine blue lake just like the one I had been at moments ago, but when I turned around, the campsite and my car were nowhere to be found. Instead, a dark forest stretched on, with just a single path cutting through it.

I wasn’t quite sure where I had just traveled, or when, but it certainly wasn’t the place I had just been.

I turned back just in time to see the vestiges of the portal fading behind me, wisps of violet energy receding back into the fabric of space-time.

Welp. I guess I was doing this.