Chapter 177: Until You Are Ready

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Only a few of the disciples who went to the Dead Plains remain unaccounted for. While it is possible they might return in the coming weeks, it is far more likely those who haven’t done so yet won’t ever come back to the Eternal Flame Clan. Either because they have chosen to abandon it, like Xun Huwen, or because they are dead.

Like Bu Jing.

Bu Jing was a follower of the now-disgraced Elder Cheung. The disciple once competed against Liu Jin in a pill-making contest and lost. Bu Jing then joined the Punishment Force and started the fight in the Sparring Hall that doomed several disciples to dying in the Dead Plains. According to the casualty report, one of the disciples who returned saw him die to a powerful Spirit Beast shortly after the transport.

Liu Jin is not sure how to feel about that.

The question of just how much Bu Jing knew is one that still eludes him. Logically, Bu Jing should have known about Elder Cheung’s experiments. His skills were too sharp for him to miss them. On the other hand, Liu Jin had felt Bu Jing’s deep-rooted admiration for Elder Cheung when they clashed. He had felt the hurt and resentment in his soul.

Perhaps, Bu Jing was simply someone who admired the wrong person and became blind to his faults. From Bu Jing’s point of view, Liu Jin might have been the villain who framed Elder Cheung and took the Medical Pavilion from him.

Just like how, from Qu Rou’s perspective, Liu Jin was nothing more than the man who killed his brother by denying them medical supplies during the tournament.

It doesn’t matter now, Liu Jin supposes. None of it does. Bu Jing. Qu Rou. Yuan Yi. Their circumstances and those of many others like them will remain lost. Just like their lives have been lost to the Dead Plains.

Dead without knowing anything.

Dead without understanding anything.

“And isn’t that just the height of unfairness?” Liu Jin whispers.

Soaring Feather croons and rubs his head against him. Liu Jin smiles and pats the eagle’s soft feathers as he turns the page.

A short moment later, the door opens.

“Do you know I can feel your depressing thoughts from all the way down the corridor?” Lu Mei asks as she walks into his room. Liu Jin blinks a few times. He must still be out of sorts if he forgot to place talismans on his door to lock it.

“It is not depression. It is meditation and deep thought,” Liu Jin says as Soaring Feather abandons his side to go over Lu Mei.

“It is depressing is what it is,” Lu Mei says, patting Soaring Feather. “Oh, dear. You grew a lot. How about it? You agree with me, don’t you? Jin should not be reading depressing novels, right?”

Soaring Feather croons and nods his head.

“It is not a novel,” Liu Jin says, glaring at the traitorous bird as he places the report on his desk. “It is a report on all the disciples who went to the Dead Plains. Those who have returned… and those who won’t.”

Lu Mei stops petting Soaring Feather.

“Why would you have that?”

“I asked Elder Xue for it, and she gave it to me.”

Lu Mei stares at him in incomprehension.

“Why?”

“Because people died for stupid reasons,” Liu Jin answers.

“That’s how most people die!” Lu Mei says, throwing her hands up.

“They just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time,” Liu Jin continues as though he hadn’t heard her. “That was all it took for them to be thrown into the Dead Plains. It is pitiful. Not a single one of them wanted their stories to end that way. The least I can do is remember their names.”

“That is not the least you could do! It is not your responsibility! Not even remotely. Don’t tell me you feel a misguided sense of guilt for winning!”

“Not guilt,” Liu Jin says, his voice much quieter than Lu Mei’s. “I just… don’t want to forget they lived. In the future, there will be other situations like this one where many people will die. When that happens, I might not have a convenient list of names ready. I might be so busy with other things, I won’t even have time to spare a single thought for the dead.”

Liu Jin frowns and looks down.

“I might start thinking less of the value of each life lost in my path. I think… that would be the first step toward a road I don’t care for.”

“Something so convenient will never happen,” Lu Mei tells him. “Someone like you is hopelessly doomed to live a righteous life. You’re more likely to die by that annoying conscience of yours than to ever abandon it.”

Liu Jin cocks his head. “Are you encouraging me or insulting me?”

“Yes,” Lu Mei answers with long-suffering certainty. Liu Jin chuckles.

“How did things go with the Patriarch?” He asks after a moment of silence.

It is not a question he has had the chance to ask yet. They were not particularly keen on bringing up heavy subjects during the party. After that, Liu Jin was asleep, and he doubts Lu Mei fared any better. Today marks his first chance to freely talk to Lu Mei since returning.

“Ugh!” Lu Mei’s face immediately sours. She sits down on his bed. “Don’t remind me of that.”

Stolen novel; please report.

“That bad?”

“I have permission to call him grandfather,” she tells him. Liu Jin winces.

“That’s bad.”

The affection of someone like Patriarch Feng is preferable to his anger, but if possible, one should strive to be ignored by him.

“He knew because, of course, he knew. Meddlesome old men always love to gossip with each other,” Lu Mei grumbles. Her knuckles are white as she clutches her robes. “The only upside is that he reassured me his sons would be too stupid to put the truth of my parentage together anytime soon.”

Liu Jin raises an eyebrow.

“I can understand Lord Feng Gui not realizing the truth,” Liu Jin says. Elder Xue could reveal it, but he doesn’t think she will. High-level cultivators seem to like hoarding secrets like they are treasures. “He shouldn’t know Lord Feng Shang was present at the time of your conception.”

Besides, the image Lord Feng Shang has cultivated is that of a serious and responsible man. The idea of him having a bastard daughter clashes too much with it.

“However, wouldn’t Lord Feng Shang be able to put the pieces together? He is the one… I mean…”

“He had sex with my mother, you mean.”

Liu Jin averts his eyes. “Yes.”

“How are you so comfortable with blood, guts, and other revolting things yet so awkward with the basics of life?” Lu Mei ponders. “But yes, that is exactly what I asked him. Do you want to know what my “dear” grandfather told me?”

Liu Jin thinks about it for a moment.

“The answer is going to be some sort of insult, isn’t it?”

“According to him, Lord Feng Shang will be so busy lamenting his recent failures that he won’t even consider the notion that the girl with the Eternal Flame might be his bastard daughter.” Lu Mei laughs bitterly. “One failure at a time is enough, it seems.”