v5c67: This Too Shall Pass

On the third day, there was finally some semblance of peace. The guests were fed and watered, the laundry was done, the house had been swept… and Pi Pa was at a loss at what to do now. Her Master had told her to rest. The others were about their own business, resting and recuperating.

Pi Pa was seated upon the porch, overlooking the frozen river. There were no corpses being burned on the lawn. The stench of rot and decay was absent from her nostrils.

Instead, there was gently falling snow covering the scars of her home. A white blanket so dense; it looked like the battle had never happened in the first place.

Today, the terror felt like a bad dream, but like every one of her nightmares, it lingered, straying into the waking world. The inside of her mouth still felt slimy, almost greasy from the demonic essence she had consumed. It felt like her meridians were caked in mud—like a chimney caked with soot from burning improperly dried wood… but unlike the others, the demonic filth left only its aftertaste; burned, consumed, and turned into impurities.

In the center of her chest, lashed and yoked, she could feel it, the Void. Even now it churned under its restraints. It had gotten a taste for what it could have and even now it wanted more.

She opened her mouth, and the mass of Qi in front of her fit only to be consumed. No matter if it was Chun Ke. The Qi had smelled so delicious—

Pi Pa shook her head, trying to dispel the memory. She swallowed the thick saliva that had pooled in her mouth. It tasted of acid and bile. She had rejected the Beast of the Void. Rejected It so harshly that she had changed into a human.

She had been grateful to her Master—he had kept her busy and her mind off everything that had happened. Each moment she was cooking, she was cleaning, she was serving, was a moment she did not have to think. She could ignore the monster in her chest—and what she had done.

Even now, it swirled in her thoughts, spiraling and spiraling. What if she did it again? What if she did it again—?

“May I join you, Sister?” The voice made her jump, and she turned, wide-eyed, to where Bi De stood. He was once more a rooster, the form she knew him best as, a proud cock. He wasn’t wearing his vest, for it was ragged and barely holding together, but he did have on his necklace of silver. It was charred and singed, and the pendant had been partially melted.

He smiled at her.

Pi Pa hesitated for a moment. She nearly told him to go, that she wanted to be alone, but she would have been lying. So instead… she nodded.

“Ah, a wonderful spot you have chosen,” he declared, and to her surprise he hopped up onto her leg, settling down on her thigh. Instinctively, her hand settled onto his back. He was warm, and soft and… comforting in a way she could not describe. He smiled up at her. “Behold, the power of being this small. One can always claim the best seats! Though, I suppose most ladies would not complain if I did this in my other form, hmm?”

“Oh? Would Ri Zu be happy about that, you knave?” Pi Pa managed a small smile at his bad joke.

The rooster paused, and then looked disturbed. “Mayhaps I should not joke about that kind of thing…” he muttered.

Pi Pa left out a soft snort… but the humor quickly faded, drawn into the Void.

Silence descended upon them. She simply looked at the snow again, as did Bi De. The white powder continued to fall, blanketing the world and muffling the sounds of life. Occasionally, they heard a laugh, of scraps of conversation from nearby, but Pi Pa was cold and numb to it all.

Bi De took a deep breath. “You are hurting, Sister. I am no Chun Ke, but please tell me what ails you. I can see the guilt and fear that haunts your eyes.”

Pi Pa grimaced at the words. Her shoulders slumped, but the earnestness in his voice… she and Bi De had never been the closest. It was her own desire, for she had disliked him due to his past actions leading to her husband’s current state. Only recently had she begun thinking of him as a friend again.

Yet he had never thought that way. He had always been ready to help her, and had given her space because she desired it.

And maybe, because of the distance between them… that was why she bowed her head and looked away.

Pi Pa took a deep breath.

“I’m scared. I’m scared of this thing within my chest. I’m scared… that I’ll hurt our home, hurt it more than I already have,” she whispered.

Bi De’s wing extended, laying on her shoulder. “Sister… the Void is indeed fearsome, I know its power personally, but Sister, it is contained. I can feel the locks you have placed on it. You are in control—”

“I’m not,” Pi Pa interrupted, brushing his wing away. Her eyes snapped back to his. “You were not there, you were not… Bi De, I did as much damage to the forest as our enemies did! The section where we used to walk, where we sat under the summer sun and had picnics… it’s gone, Bi De. It’s gone.”

The trees looked like shattered ribs. Some had their tops missing, others had simply fallen over from the massive chunks torn out of their sides. She could still feel the crunching of the bark between her teeth. Perfectly smooth semi circles were torn out of the rocks and even the earth itself hadn’t been spared, scooped up and consumed.

Everything had gone into her maw. Everything had been used to satiate the hunger.

“It’s not that I lost control. It’s that I let it out. I wanted to do it. I wanted it to end. I wanted everything to disappear… and so I let the Void use me, and it hurt our home. I nearly hurt Chun Ke.”

She glared at him, feeling the churning vortex within her breast pulse.

“You have hurt our home, yes. As have I,” Bi De replied, calmly. “Out of us all, you know my sins the most, Sister. What I allowed Chow Ji to do and what I did myself to the hens. I drank their blood, I ruined our crops, and I wanted to do it. For power. For myself. Is what I did unforgivable?”

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Pi Pa looked away, the sudden rage draining away as quickly as it had come. “…no. For a long time I thought it was, but… you made a mistake. A mistake you would never repeat.”

“Thank you, Sister. It means much to me to hear you say that,” Bi De said. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead into her cheek. “And in what you just said… lies the answer. You won’t do it again, without extenuating circumstances… and if you do, you won’t hurt us. The proof is there already. Nearly, in the end, means nothing. You did or you did not. And when you were at your weakest… you did not.” Pi Pa’s breath hitched in her throat. Bi De knew. He knew the feeling of guilt, of hurting what he loved. “These travels of mine… they’ve given me perspective. They’ve taught me many things. But Pi Pa… every time I journey forth and see more of the world, I am once more glad it is here where I call my home. I am once more glad that my Master is my Master… and that you are my brothers and sisters. The world is so full of darkness and suffering—but we can choose to make it better, to help others. It is often times difficult, I admit. In no way is your path going to be easy—but I trust you. We all trust you. And sometimes, the trust of someone else is all you need. What did our Master say that one time? ‘Don’t believe in yourself. Believe in us, because we believe in you’—and this too shall pass.”

She wrapped her arms around the ball of feathers on her leg and pulled him to her chest.

“Look at you, always stealing from our Master’s sayings…” she accused, her voice thick.

Bi De laughed. “Can one steal what is given freely?”

“I suppose not,” Pi Pa whispered, hugging him tighter. Something hot and wet pooled at the corners of her eyes. “But what about the others. Will they…?”

Would they feel the same way?

“Sister, I had to kowtow before our Master and invoke my right as First Disciple to be the one to speak with you first—Wa Shi put up a surprisingly fierce fight,” the rooster stated. “Our beloved Pi Pa has many admirers.”

“And Chun Ke?” Her voice was quiet.

“These thoughts would have never crossed his mind in the first place, Sister. You know that,” Bi De said, before his voice turned pensive. “Though he did say something about ‘finding something’ that would cheer you up this morning, and we haven’t seen him since-”