Threads 116-Intermission 6

Later that evening, Ling Qi was silent as she sat astride Zhengui’s shell, returning with him to the hill given to him by the Sect. Zhengui was quiet as well.

It was only as they began to mount the steam-pitted hilltop that Ling Qi spoke up. “Are you okay Zhengui? I saw that you had a little conflict.”

“Dumb Rockhead did not hurt Gui,” he huffed.

“I, Zhen, could have beaten him, but since he was Sir Avalanche’s friend, I was kind,” Zhen said irritably.

Ling Qi wasn’t entirely sure of that. Fensui was, like his partner, at the fifth step of the third realm. “Why did he confront you anyway?”

“Gui thinks… he said something about the strongest getting the first pick of treats?” Gui said. “Gui thinks that is dumb. There was enough for everyone.”

“Greedy Rockhead,” Zhen grumbled.

Ling Qi sighed as she leaped down from Zhengui’s shell, having reached the top of the hill. “I’m sorry that you didn’t get a chance to meet anyone nice.”

“Um, Little Singer was nice,” Gui said, pawing the ground. “But I did not talk to her much.”

Ling Qi thought and then realized, “Ah, that sparrow, right?”

“Yes,” Zhen agreed. “At least there, I, Zhen, was given proper respect.”

There, conversation petered out. Ling Qi looked down. She hated this awkwardness, this distance that had started to grow between her and Zhengui. Yet she did not know how to check that growth.

<Should I help? I don’t know if it’s really my place to try and untangle this,> Sixiang muttered.

“Big Sister, is something wrong?” Zhengui asked.

“I think there might be quite a few things wrong,” Ling Qi said wryly.

<No, let me handle this. It’s something I need to do,> she simultaneously thought to Sixiang.

<Understood. Hang in there,> Sixiang murmured, receding from her thoughts.

“Gui does not understand,” her little brother said, oblivious to the interplay. He gave the impression of frowning.

Ling Qi closed her eyes. Even now, she really had no idea how to articulate the problem. She would just have to speak and hope for the best.

“Little Brother, you know that I love you, right?” Ling Qi asked. It was uncomfortable to say something like that so bluntly, but they were alone right now. “I want you to be strong and happy and…”

She trailed off, not sure what else to say. Distance had come between them, but Ling Qi wasn’t sure of the source.

Two pairs of eyes stared down at her. “Gui wants to be strong too. Big Sister should not worry…”

“But I do,” Ling Qi insisted. “Is it the damage from that fungus? Do you still hurt? I do not mind taking you to the medicine hall.”

“I, Zhen, would like Big Sister to stop that,” Zhen said sulkily.

“Big Sister always acts like Gui is still tiny. It is not fair. Big Sister does not treat Hanyi like this. Hanyi is allowed to go off on her own, and fall off cliffs, and get in fights, and Big Sister does not treat her like this! Even when Gui helps, Big Sister just gets angry and sad!”

It was Gui’s vehemence that really brought her up short.

“Big Sister treats us like Grandmother treats littlest sister,” Zhen hissed. “Zhen is not little anymore, even if Big Sister is stronger.”

“I know that,” Ling Qi said. “Zhengui, I know you’ve gotten strong, but you can’t expect me to not worry. It’s not like I don’t worry about Hanyi as well, but…”

“Big Sister shouldn’t lie!” he insisted in a twinned voice. He stamped one of his forefeet in frustration, and the hill shook.

“It’s…” Ling Qi began, only to trail off. It’s different, she wanted to say. Hanyi was a bit of a troublemaker, but the troubles she got into were minor things, and in a fight, Hanyi was always close to someone who could defend her whereas Zhengui was the defense. He was the one that took hits from the enemy. The one who got hurt. It was different, she wanted to insist.

But why was it different?

“If Big Sister wants to be a sister, then she should let Zhengui be a brother,” Gui rumbled. He seemed to have lost the energy to shout, as he had previously.

Ling Qi flinched. Those words stung because her own treacherous mind wouldn’t let her ignore the implication. It hurt to try, a deep ache that emanated from her core. Balling her hands into fists, Ling Qi had to look away.

“I never meant it that way,” she said quietly. “It.. It would just be strange for anyone to call me ‘mother,’ you know?”

“Zhengui does not want to hurt Big Sister, so she is Big Sister,” Zhengui agreed, scuffing at the ground with his foot. “Even if Big Sister cannot trust him to be the brother.”

“I trust you, “ Ling Qi said.

“It is easy to say words,” Zhen said glumly.

Ling Qi closed her eyes. It really was different, she had to admit to herself. She simply didn’t see Hanyi the same way she did Zhengui. Her first impression of that girl was a brat, messing with her on a high mountain pass. Her first impression of Zhengui was… She remembered seeing his shell split open. He had been tiny and weak and utterly dependent on her in a way that no one had ever been before or since.

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That had changed, and she had changed with it. She had cultivated his strength, made him practice, made him strong. But she could never really shake that initial first impression. The thought of Hanyi getting hurt filled her with cold anger; the thought of Zhengui getting hurt made her feel frighteningly empty in a way that caused the meridians aligned to the Frozen Soul Serenade to thrum with resonance.

But just as he was no longer tiny and vulnerable, Ling Qi was not the same person she had been last year. “I haven’t always treated you the way you would want, but I do trust you,” Ling Qi insisted. “I could have chosen to help you fight back in the Dream.”

<Tried to help,> Sixiang corrected grumpily. Ling Qi ignored them.

“Big Sister was sleeping,” Zhen said dubiously.

“I wasn’t,” Ling Qi replied, stepping forward. “Zhengui, I trusted you and Hanyi to protect me.”

“It was not Zhengui that did most of the protecting,” Zhengui muttered.