92: Best Laid Plans

In the end, all of Ryan’s loops started the same way.

By ramming his car into Ghoul’s back.

“You know, you have become a fixture in my life,” Ryan said as he exited his Plymouth and walked into Renesco’s bar. By now, this place had become a second home to the courier. He had grown almost paternally fond of the wall he kept crashing into. “I’ve had more dates with you than with Jasmine.”

Ghoul wriggled on the ground, trying to rise up again using the bar counter. The barman Renesco hid behind it, unsure how to react to Ryan’s unforgettable entrance. The courier happily waltzed through debris, wind entering the establishment through the hole in the wall.

“I thought my life was a black comedy, maybe a tragicomedy, but now I realize… it was a vampire romance all along.” Ryan loomed over Ghoul, hands behind his back. The Psycho was halfway back on his feet, while the other patrons dared not interfere. “Do your bones shine in sunlight?”

“What the hell are you talki—” Ghoul screamed as Ryan introduced the undead’s knee to his boot, the Psycho collapsing on the ground. “You bastard!”

“All of this to say that I’m not stalking you,” the courier said, as he kicked his beloved again. “I mean, look at me. I’m handsome. Only ugly people stalk, that’s well known. If I hurt you, it’s out of love.”

His love of hurting Ghoul.

Darkling had said that the Black Ultimate One would remove it from causality and all future resets, and Ryan had wondered if it also applied to its previous hosts. However, the bag of bones had returned without any memory of the previous loop.

Which meant that Big Fat Adam lived again, plotting mischief.

“I’m calling Security!” the barman Renesco complained behind the bar counter, while the wounded Ghoul tried to crawl away from Ryan. The undead looked at the courier as if he were insane, which wounded his soft, sensible heart.

Ryan didn’t react well to rejection.

“I know your secret weakness, Ghoul,” Ryan said, as he opened his car’s backdoor. “A kryptonite you cannot hope to defend yourself against.”

A dirty street dog leaped out of the Plymouth Fury, her sparkling eyes lacking anything resembling intelligence; she was the bastard daughter of a mastiff and a greyhound, and inherited the ugliest parts of both. Her tongue stuck out, fleas happily moving on from her blackening fur to greener pastures. This plebeian creature lacked Eugène-Henry’s aristocratic flair but had a certain rustic charm, though her terrible stench made the bar’s patrons recoil.

“Her name is Henriette. I found her eating trash on my way to the bar, and I bought her loyalty with a ham.” Ryan always kept food in his car for situations like this. “Now, as a cat person, this may seem like a betrayal. And it is!”

Ryan petted his hellhound behind the ears, and she loved it very much. All dogs wanted affection. “I have no shame, no hesitation, no principles!”

“What do you want?” Ghoul asked, looking at Henriette with dread. The she-dog had noticed him, her eyes rising up as she gazed at his barebone legs with hunger.

The Psycho knew what was coming.

“Only your pain,” Ryan replied, pointing a finger at his prey. “Go, girl!”

Henriette leaped on Ghoul, and he couldn’t crawl away fast enough.

The dog brought her new master a beautiful femur a few seconds later, and she was very proud of it too.

Ghoul was only the first person on Ryan’s Christmas list. After the tense ending of the previous loop, the courier needed a moment of respite and catharsis before getting down to business.

Ryan’s next naughty child lived not so far from Jamie’s own house. The courier knocked on the door of a single-story bungalow, so perfect in its mundanity. Only the condemned windows indicated something wrong with the tenant.

The door soon opened, revealing a lean, gaunt man with snow white skin and raven hair. This pallid scarecrow remained in the darkness, fearing the sunlight that would certainly burn his unholy soul. Garish, colorful paint figments covered his dirty clothes. The black circles around his bloodshot, green eyes told Ryan he had just woken up.

Damn, not only was this man a hitman, but he was also a vampire!

“Richard Pinkman?” Ryan asked. “Night Terror?”

“Uh… yes?” The vampire squinted suspiciously at the courier. “Do we know each other?”

“I have something for you, though it’s a bit late.” Ryan wanted to make this delivery in the last loop, but never found the opportunity to do so. “The night is dark and full of terrors, huh?”

The man frowned, realizing that his visitor knew of his power and its limitations. The vampire’s hand moved to his back, perhaps looking for a gun; as if he could hurt the pure of heart. “What kind of delivery?”

Ryan punched him in the face so hard, that the man stumbled backward. His back hit something with a loud clatter, though the courier couldn’t see due to the darkness inside the house.

“Don’t make me live through my childhood traumas again,” Ryan warned the vicious telepath. The fact these nightmares became real afterward had left the courier bitter. “You can’t fathom how much money I spent on therapists.”

Night Terror didn’t answer, knocked out cold.

Ryan took a moment to check off his Christmas list, finding the next name to be Karen Ricci, alias the Vamp. After the vampire, the witch. Unfortunately, it was getting late, and the courier might not survive his plan for her. Luigi came afterward, but Ryan was too tired for a late-afternoon hockey match.

“Maybe later.”

A princess waited for him.

Ryan reached the Deadland motel by nightfall, parking his car near the entrance. Henriette sat at his side, the bastard dog whining at her new master with shameful eyes. Though he favored cats and rabbits above all else, Ryan had learned how to handle dogs across loops. He knew that look.

“You want a litter box?”

Henriette yapped in response, her tongue sticking out of her mouth. She made a face only a dog lover could appreciate.

“Ghoul,” Ryan said, looking at the rearview mirror.

The lonely skull on the backseat looked back at the courier with fear. For a moment, Ryan almost felt pity for the murderous bag of bones. But then, he remembered his previous loop, and how Ghoul had encouraged his boss to turn the time-traveler into a Psycho.

Ryan removed his mask and hat, his terrible smile causing the undead to whine in stark, raving terror.

“Open your mouth.”

Bone Daddy’s screams of despair were music to Ryan’s ears, though they ended too soon. The Psycho had lost his courage with his spine.

Ryan left Henriette to her new chew toy, and walked towards the motel. He noticed light coming from Livia’s room, but no Killer Seven member was guarding the door. Odd.

Still, Ryan whistled as he opened the suite’s door, finding his former first lady waiting for him. The table was set, with delightful cookies and steaming coffee waiting for consumption.

Livia stood on the other side, her back turned against Ryan. She wore an elegant blue leather coat and long velvet gloves, a true femme fatale straight out of a detective noir movie. Her platinum hair flowed down like a silver waterfall.

“Hello, princess,” Ryan said as he closed the door behind him. “How was your first time-travel trip?”

Livia turned around, her blue eyes observing him with cold amusement. Her face reminded Ryan of her aunt Pluto’s lovely deadliness. “Pretty good,” she said, her tone dangerous. “Though it will be the last.”

Ryan frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I am so sorry Ryan, but now that I remember everything, you have outlived your usefulness. I have all the intel I need to take over this city, and the only obstacle remaining…” She marked a short pause. “Is you.”

…

Shit.

Shit!

“I thought we were friends!” Ryan complained, his hand moving to his coat to draw a knife.

“And you believed me?” The courier froze, as Livia’s hands moved to her chair. Somehow, her every movement seemed effortlessly threatening. “Cancel is waiting outside, and her power is already at work. It’s over.”

Oh gods, this was Alchemo’s betrayal all over again! Ryan reflexively activated his power, and the world turned purple as he prepared to strike Livia.

Wait, how could his time-stop still work if Cancel was around the door?

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Ryan looked at the frozen Livia, and noticed the smile she desperately tried to suppress.

No way.

She wouldn’t dare. She wouldn’t dare.

Ryan quickly opened the door when time resumed, and found no killer outside.

She dared.

“You… you evil mastermind!” Ryan said while closing the gate behind him, the hidden knife back inside his trenchcoat. “You pranked me!”

Livia responded with a warm, delightful laughter. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, a sheepish grin on her face. “I know this is silly, but I always wanted to make a speech like this. I knew nobody else would take it seriously.”

Her last loop as Ryan’s sidekick had corrupted Livia.

He had created a monster.

“I apologize if I scared you. I didn’t know how you would react, which is why I did it.” Livia shyly joined her hands. “Can you forgive me, Ryan?”

“I could never blame someone with such an impeccable fashion sense,” Ryan said, sitting around the table. “But don’t try it again, princess, I could have killed you. I’m really sensitive about these things.”

Her joy instantly turned to horror. “Truly?” Livia asked while she sat as well. “What happened?”

“A few people went mad after I informed them of the truth,” Ryan admitted, warming his hands by touching his coffee cup. “Some tried to restrain me so I wouldn’t reload. Others went farther.”

“I…” And now Livia regretted her joke. Her hands moved to touch his own, and they felt warmer than the cup. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I didn’t wish to open up old wounds.”

“Nah, it’s alright. If anything, you’re helping them to heal.” At long last, Ryan had an ally that would help up across future loops. With Livia’s help, he could make his allies remember him. His friendships would survive the test of time. “I already retaliated anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Livia frowned, as she suddenly realized the cookies had vanished. “Did you eat them in the frozen time?”

Ryan smiled.