Chapter 37 – Reflection

Previously on Magical Girl Gunslinger…

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Nausea and dizziness roiled inside me, my vision blurring into an indistinct kaleidoscope. As I began to fall, the sheer intensity of the vertigo made me squeeze my eyes shut. I reached out on reflex, my flailing hand managing to catch myself on the wall to my right. Somehow, I kept myself from losing my balance completely, but I had to swallow back the bile in my throat to keep myself from vomiting.

Trying to regain control of myself, I forced myself to go through a short breathing routine, counting the seconds as I breathed in through my nose and then let it out from my mouth. Thankfully, the bout passed swiftly, and I sighed softly, blinking my eyes open.

The clean, modern hallways of Sakura High came back into focus. Sliding, Japanese-style doors to the various classrooms on the first floor greeted me alongside cork boards with posters or other announcements decorating the walls. Everything was clean and sleek, portraying an environment untouched by even the concept of dirtiness.

If only that applied to the students going here too.

I shook the thought from my head, working through the sudden fog in my mind as I tried to remember what I was doing…

Then I saw a clock, saw that it was near the end of lunch time, and everything clicked together.

I continued my walk through the corridors, moving at a brisk pace towards my goal. A lot of students were in the classrooms I passed, choosing to eat their lunch at their desks instead of the cafeteria. Most had pulled the desks together to form small groups, chatting and laughing in their cliques. Looking at them made something in my ribs ache, but it was easy to ignore under the hunger gnawing at my stomach.

No… the yawning void inside me had gone quite past a simple gnawing. Even though I had just eaten my usual lunch, the thin sandwich had only seemed to increase the intensity of my hunger pangs. It was one of the rare days where my stomach had decided to sharpen its claws to scrape away at my intestines, sending throbbing echoes that flashed like lightning through my bones. The intense, short lived pulses were painful enough to make me clench my teeth even as I worked to keep my face carefully blank.

Keeping my abdominal muscles tight helped as I hurried towards one of the exits. Lunch was almost over, and hopefully, my usual plan would suffice. If not, I would have to settle with drinking as much water as possible before classes resumed. It usually worked as a decent backup plan, but it also tended to leave me feeling uncomfortable and queasy for the rest of the day.

I kept walking, moving past the classrooms to the entrance hall and shoe lockers and passing them without stopping, entering the school right section. As usual, it was empty, letting me pick up my pace. Finally reaching the side exit, I pushed the door open, doing a quick, cursory glance around as Arcadia’s warm September air washed over me.

It was a sunny day, and the light made me squint slightly as I carefully stepped outside. The exit I’d taken was on the right side of the school, which had a wide, upside-down “U” shape, the opening and inside of the U being the entrance courtyard. The perimeter wall that ran around the entirety of the school’s grounds was only twenty meters from me, but the grassy area lining it was so thickly filled with bushes and trees that I could barely see the wall itself through the swaying foliage. Except for the occasional bench set up on either side of the path that led around this side of the school, there wasn’t really anything of note to see.

Thankfully, there was also nobody in sight.

It wasn’t too much of a surprise even though our school let people eat almost anywhere on campus. The classrooms and small cafeteria were the most popular spots along with the roof, courtyard, and the path on the left side of the school that oversaw the larger sports fields. A few cliques liked the area behind the school that led to the gymnasium, pool, and smaller sports areas, but the right side of the school?

There really wasn’t anything to be seen except the path leading from the front to the back. It made it a good spot for couples who wanted some privacy, especially considering the right wing of the school only contained the rooms for the after-school clubs, and they were always empty during school hours. It was fairly common to see couples taking up the benches, talking quietly and giggling. There was usually a teacher that made a habit of walking by occasionally just to make sure nothing too untoward was happening, so it was hardly a completely abandoned spot.

The one exception was at the very end of the lunch period. Most of my classmates tended to make their way back to their classrooms early, leaving a short period of time where nobody was outside.

Taking a look around as I went down the path, I tried to scan over the area one more time just to make sure nobody was nearby.

Of course, that was when my stomach gurgled, a sharp, stabbing pain digging up into my ribs. I squeezed my hands into fists with a wince, stopping in my tracks as a shiver rolled through me. My throat felt tight as I waited for the moment to pass, the trees around me rustling slightly in the wind.

The pain didn’t last long, but as it retreated, it left behind an aching emptiness that made me hurry my steps to the nearest bench, hands placed over my stomach. Once I reached it, I took a final, hurried glance around, but saw nobody.

So I moved past the bench, closer to the school where none of the cameras were directly pointed, and I looked into the trash can next to it.

Because the right path around the school was hardly ever used, the trash cans themselves were usually pretty empty. Nobody really came to the area before school, so the garbage bins only really got any use at lunch or after school.

Which meant that if there was anything inside them, it was relatively fresh and hadn’t landed in a pile of gunk that had been there for hours. There were exceptions, of course, but today was Thursday.

And I knew for a fact that Mi-yeon and Abby from my class regularly came out here on Thursdays. Both girls were part of the swim club and usually ate healthy, but a while ago, I’d overheard them talking about how Thursday was their cheat day when they would buy something from the school canteen.

Thankfully, both were too health-conscious to go all out, so they usually only chose some finger food they would pick at and share but never come close to finishing off completely.

And if the trend with those two continues to hold…

I fought down a relieved smile as I saw the only things in the trash were a large carton of French fries and a smaller container with some chicken tenders. The carton had landed face up, leaving most of its contents unspilled.

I reached in, carefully grabbing the carton of fries and extracting them slowly. Once I had them out, I gave them a quick look over just to make sure there were no bugs or anything on them. There usually wasn’t, but it was a habit I couldn’t shake. Grabbing food from the trash was already a step further than I liked, but…

It was ridiculous how many of my classmates liked to waste food. The container of fries I was holding was barely half-finished, and I knew for a fact the school offered smaller portions at the canteen. I wasn’t sure why Mi-yeon and Abby always got the largest food servings when they never seemed to finish them off. It was just so… wasteful.

Too wasteful for me not to take advantage of.

Besides, it wasn’t like I was diving in a dumpster. I’d done plenty of research, scoping out these trash cans for over two weeks, so I knew for fact that they were usually pristine until lunch. It really wasn’t that different from me picking up the food from it being set on a table even if it felt like it…

And… and I was hungry. So hungry it hurt. Even if there were a small amount of germs, it was more than a worthwhile trade, and I hadn’t gotten sick yet.

My inspection of the fries finished as my stomach grumbled again, and I couldn’t take waiting anymore.

So I began eating.

I was usually very conscious of my table manners and the speed that I ate, but I didn’t have the luxury. There wasn’t much time left in the lunch period, and I would have to hurry if I wanted to finish both the fries and chicken before I needed to start heading back to my classroom.

Shoveling the fries into my mouth, I barely registered their taste. They were lukewarm, a little too salty, and even though fries were the most common food I scavenged…

They were still delicious.

They always were.

After a few handfuls, my stomach began to unclench, and I breathed out a soft sigh, relaxing into the feeling. The fries were already doing a lot of work, and I hadn’t even gotten to the chicken yet. As I grabbed another handful, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have time to look through the other trash cans. There usually wasn’t things as easy to-

The sound of giggling made my thoughts screech to a stop.

I stiffened, breath hitching in my throat.

Then my head snapped up towards where the sound was coming from.

“Aww, you gave it away!” a voice laughed from the bushes in front of the perimeter wall.

Leaves rustled, and figures rose from where they were laying behind the foliage.

The first was tall, her uniform blazer tied around her waist. She had blonde hair cut into a pixie cut, revealing an eager grin on her face.

Tasha, the sporty brute.

Two others rose, both with identical faces, but one was taller than the other and wore her auburn hair longer.

Morgan and Madison, the twin jackals.

Another carefully made their way through, the mousy figure brushing leaves from her black hair as she adjusted her big glasses.

Aiko, the mousy watcher.

And then a final figure pushed her way through the bushes. She had long blonde hair that was curled just enough to be wavy, a smooth and unblemished face, bright viridian eyes, a thin smirk on her face, and…

And she was holding out a cellphone, its camera pointed right at me.

“Well, well, well,” Katie Bennet murmured with a too-wide grin. “I honestly can’t say I was expecting this, but I really shouldn’t be surprised.”

Cold washed through me, my heart pounding in my ears as they approached.

They were here.

Katie’s clique of popular girls were here.

Katie who had been hounding me since middle school for no apparent reason.

Katie who I finally had stood up to two weeks ago, calling her a petty bully in front of her friends and half my homeroom.

Katie who currently had a phone out, recording everything they saw.

And they saw me.

They saw everything.

A jolt of electricity shot through my bones as panic and horror made my heart plummet. Without thinking, I dropped the fries, turning to run and get away as fast as I could.

I only made it a few steps before I was caught, Tasha easily sprinting to catch me. Fingers dug into my shoulder as she locked one of my arms behind my back in a painful motion that jolted my shoulder. I stumbled, and Morgan took the chance to catch my other arm, snickering loudly.

“Oh no, you don’t just get to leave,” she laughed. “Not when we have so many questions!”

The feeling of their restraining touch was nauseating, an uncomfortable, tingling fire burning against my skin along with the pressure they were using to hold me still. It scraped against my nerves, begging me to struggle, to try to escape, to get them away.

But it was useless. Tasha and Morgan were part of the basketball and tennis clubs respectively. There was no escaping them.

My breath felt caught in my chest, heart racing wildly as the two twisted me around to face the others. I bit back a yelp of pain as my arm was wrenched into an even more painful position, stumbling as I tried to keep my balance. Katie looked at me with a smug, satisfied grin while Madison and Aiko watched from her sides.

“Hello, Mai Kuroki,” Katie said loudly, leaning slightly closer to her outstretched phone as she said my name. “I would say it’s nice to see you, but we both know that’s not true, especially after what we just saw.”

Tasha and Morgan snickered while Madison gagged dramatically. Shame, fear, and anger filled me, my cheeks burning. I tried to retort, to say anything, but the words remained locked away behind the deep, sinking sensation in my gut that…

That my world was falling apart.

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“Honestly, I always knew you were a little off,” Katie shrugged. “What, with the whole crazy eyes and eyepatch thing, but when Aiko told me what she thought she saw you doing, I just knew we had to see for ourselves!”

The smaller girl looked uncomfortable at the mention of her name, crossing one arm over her chest and looking away.

“Talk about gross!” Madison chirped. “Digging through the trash to eat other people’s leftovers? Could you be any more disgusting? Who does that?”

“I was wondering the same thing,” Katie agreed gleefully. “It took me a bit of thinking, but I think I know what’s going on.”

She paused, and I felt everything in me lock up. Horror flooded my veins as I stared into Katie’s eyes.

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t-

“See, poor, weird little Mai here only ever brings half a sandwich for lunch,” Katie continued, ignoring my silent pleas. “Everyone knows it, how she takes her time daintily eating such a small portion like she’s royalty. It’s no wonder she’s practically starving sometimes.”

“But why dig through the trash for scraps?” Madison asked with genuine confusion. “She could just bring more food to eat or pay for something at the cafeteria.”

“Maybe it’s her fetish?” Tasha sneered, and the others cackled, making my cheeks warm further as fury sparked inside me.

“No, it’s more simple than that,” Katie shook her head. “Think about it. Mai always acts all perfect and stoic, like she’s better than the rest of us. Even when we try to be friends with her, all she does is ignore us. Her eating that tiny amount of food is just another little slight towards everyone. It’s her trying to show she’s the perfect little princess, that she’s untouchable, that she’s above everyone else. Of course, constantly eating such a small amount of food means that she sometimes underestimates her hunger, so she has to go digging for scraps when nobody is looking. It’s all about image for her. She does this to herself, really.”

Indignant rage flashed inside me, igniting into a bonfire, tears stinging at the back of my eyes as I glared at Katie. I wanted to yell, to scream at her, to ask if bullying me made her feel like she was powerful when the fact was that she was just a coward.

And yet…

I couldn’t get a single word past my lips, shame and despair wrapping around my throat like a noose.

“Ew,” Madison wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Think she’s one of those weirdos who throws up their food in the toilet afterwards too?”

A flicker of something I couldn’t read flashed across Katie’s face, grimacing for a second before she smoothed it back into her usual smug expression.

“Maybe…” Katie said thoughtfully, eyes flicking down and over me for a moment before her lips quirked into a smirk. “Honestly, I bet she’s trying to keep herself tiny and cute so everyone pities her. It’s not like she has anything else going for her in the looks department.”

“True!” Morgan snickered, adjusting her grip on my arm. “She’s flat as a board! Going for the pity play is probably the only way she’ll get someone to even consider going out with her.”

They laughed, humiliation scorching my face scarlet.

My hands squeezed into fists, shame flashing through my bones.

I tried to remember to breathe as needles scraped the lining of my heart raw.

More comments came, thorned barbs that I tried to ignore. Anxiety, fear, and anger swirled into nausea, and it was all I could do to keep my food down as they tore into me. I tried to keep my expression blank like I usually did when they cornered me in the halls to make fun of me.

But the fact that Katie had recorded me eating from the trash and was still filming kept coming back. Even if she had made the wrong assumptions, it was still humiliating enough. Even if she shared the video and nobody guessed something else was going on…

Everyone would see it.

Lily would see.

Would she think I was disgusting? That I was the freak Katie said I was, that I sometimes felt like? She probably wouldn’t even want to be near me anymore. Even if she did…

I don’t think I could handle whatever half-disgusted, half-pitying look she’d give me.

“So… Mai-chan,” Katie purred, her sickly sweet tone drawing me from my spiraling thoughts. “Now that we know each other a little better, I think it would be best if we came to an understanding.”

Despite the grin on her face, her eyes were cold as they flicked across my face, searching for any hints in my expression.

“See, it really hurt me when you said those nasty things to me, especially when all of us have wanted nothing more than to be your friend despite your… weirdness.”

I bit down on my cheek, pushing down the feeble retort trying to push past the lump in my throat.

“So here’s how this is going to work,” Katie continued, gesturing to her phone. “All this petty resistance you give us? The silent treatment, the cold looks, the not-so-witty retorts? It stops. Now.”

Cold steel shone through her tone, the sudden sharpness making me stiffen.

“No more of this useless rebellion. We tell you to do something, you do it. We want you to do our after-school cleaning duty, you don’t complain. We decide we want to tease you or someone else, you don’t argue, you laugh and take it like a good sport, like everybody else does. Because you aren’t special. You aren’t some untouchable princess. You’re just like the rest of us.”

I…

I had no idea what she was talking about.

Katie and her friends were the one who took every chance she could to tear me down. Petty insults, tripping me in the hallway, spilling drinks and food on me, loudly making vicious rumors where I could hear them, stealing my school supplies, making me go buy snacks for them…

All I ever did was try to ignore them, to pretend their schoolyard barbs didn’t catch on my skin and tear. I tried to tell myself it would pass and just put up with the paper cut cruelty they insisted on making me endure. It didn’t matter if my classmates believed their lies and avoided me when they weren’t taking their own pound of flesh.

I could bear it. Survive it. Ignore it.

And the only times I’d ever approached Katie was the few times her clique turned their venom on somebody else, and it was only to quietly ask them to stop. I didn’t make a big scene or try to immediately get them in trouble, just… I tried to make them stop.

Because the others they had tried to target?

They weren’t like me.

Jason was an awkward boy, puberty hitting him hard. He was a gangly, pimply mess that struggled talking about anything but the latest anime or manga, and he tended to get easily flustered when a girl was talking to him, tripping over his words and stuttering.

Morgan and Madison ganging up to make fun of him and call him creepy was just… too much. The look of hurt and panic I’d seen on his face made it clear he was about to break. Me quietly asking them to leave him alone ended with them “spilling” cold coffee on my homework later, then getting Jason to back up their story that I was the one who did it to hide the fact I hadn’t actually done the worksheet.

Aiko hadn’t always been part of Katie’s clique. She was quiet, shy, and smart enough to get some of the best grades in our year. She was more at home with her face buried in a book, not trading tips on makeup or gossiping.

Tasha had tried to strongarm her into doing an essay so she could prepare more for a basketball tournament. I could tell that Tasha’s grip around Aiko’s arm was too much, that she was hurting the smaller girl. When I stepped up to tell Tasha that it would be obvious the essay wasn’t hers, I’d gotten shoved into the library shelves and caused a bunch of books to fall on me. When the librarian came to see what was going on, Aiko backed up Tasha’s story that I’d tripped.

There were a few others, people not in my homeroom but part of my grade who Katie had tried going after. I didn’t always know them as well, not having had as much time to observe them, but it didn’t matter in the end. Watching the pain, embarrassment, or anger twist their face at the smallest of Katie’s insults was all I needed to see that they weren’t like me. They were getting hurt, and…

And I knew what pain was like.

I knew, and I didn’t want them to experience it.

Seeing it happen to others made my stomach clench, thorns wrapping around my lungs until I inevitably intervened.

It didn’t matter that they inevitably turned on me and joined Katie’s group if only tangentially.

Because they still didn’t deserve it.

They couldn’t take it.

They weren’t like me.

“From here on out,” Katie continued, lips curling into a satisfied smirk, “we’re going to be the best of friends. Of course, as your friends, we won’t tell or show anybody a thing about your… hobby. We’ll do you a favor, because that’s what friends are for, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Madison giggled. “Though, you’ll be doing favors for us too. I can think of plenty of things we could use a good friend’s help with.”

“Obviously,” Katie agreed with a roll of her eyes, before turning to me. “So, Mai-chan. Do we understand each other? You help us, we help you, because you clearly need it. Agreed?”

I swallowed, the mixture of shame, rage, and despair overwhelming. Part of me wanted to spit in her face and ignore the consequences.

But if she shared the video… the commotion it would cause…

Even beyond Lily, if the teachers saw it and shared it with Father…

Goosebumps rippled over my skin, heart stuttering.

The defiance in me disintegrated, leaving me hollow and aching.

“Okay…” I whispered as my gaze dropped, the word tasting bitter on my tongue.

“Good,” Katie purred. “I’m glad we finally understand each other, and, honestly, this will be good for you. We’ll make sure you don’t continue your disgusting trash eating and or any of the other creepy things you do. I know it’s such a struggle for you, but I promise, you’ll at least be able to act normal by the end of the year.”

I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to stay quiet. When it became clear I wasn’t going to respond, Katie sighed, glancing at the phone she still had recording me before shrugging.

“Alright, I guess it will be a work in progress. You can let her go now, girls. It’s about time for us to get back to class anyway.”

Morgan let go quickly, sashaying over to her twin. I almost sighed with relief as the pressure disappeared.

But then I realized Tasha hadn’t let go yet.

“Tasha?” Katie asked, frowning.

“Honestly, I’m a little curious,” Tasha sneered, something in her voice making my heart drop. “With how much effort the freak is putting into her screwed up diet, I kind of want to see just how well it’s working.”

It took me a moment for her words to register, but by then one of her hands had let go of my arm, snaking to grab the bottom of my blazer and my shirt underneath.

“Wait-” Katie tried to say, but Tasha was already pulling.

I tried to struggle out of her grip, throwing myself to the side with all my weight, but her free hand simply clamped tighter and yanked me back. A cry escaped me as her fingers dug hard enough into my skin to bruise.

And by then it was too late.

Cold air bruised against my stomach and lower ribs as Katie tugged my blazer and shirt up to my chest.

I froze.

My breath vanished.

Ice crystalized in my veins.

Silence framed the moment for a few perfect seconds, underscored only by a soft wind rustling the leaves.

“Oh my god!” Madison finally gagged. “Look at her! You can see her bones!”

“Ew,” Morgan’s face twisted in disgust. “I can count her ribs from here.”

“Damn, girl,” Tasha cackled. “You’re more of a stick figure than a human.”

“Right!? She looks more like some of those creepy Anathema that are practically just skeletons.”

“Shit, she is, isn’t she? She doesn’t just act like a freak, she looks like one too. As if her eyes weren’t bad enough…”

“Are we sure she isn’t actually some Anathema infiltrator?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Those things are supposed to be strong and actually good at blending in. She’s obviously too pathetic to be one.”

“Too weird, too!”

They laughed, the sound clawing into me. Each comment was a weight added to my shoulders, each observation carving into me, humiliation and helplessness seeping in to fill the broken void inside me. The world around me began to blur as my eyes watered, but I wouldn’t let my unshed tears fall where they could see them.

I looked up to see Katie and Aiko both looking at me with wide eyes, neither of them saying anything. Neither of them had joined in with the others, simply staring at me in shock.

And somehow, that was just as bad.

“Wait, is that her heartbeat? Tell me I’m not seeing things?”

“Holy shit! Look at how clearly you can see it!”

“Gross! No wonder she’s exempt from gym class. They probably banned her to spare the rest of us from having to see her in the locker room.”

Another round of laughter followed, and I felt Tasha’s grip on my arm finally weaken as she shifted to get a better look at me.

The building rage combined with desperation, and I let the dam inside me burst.

I stomped down on her foot, digging my heel in with what little weight I had even as I twisted away from her. She yelped, probably more in surprise than pain, and I spun free. Immediately, I started sprinting away, pushing every muscle in my body to get me away.

“Ow! Hey, stop you-”

“Let her go!” Katie quickly interrupted, voice fading as I kept running. “We have what we came for… She probably needs to find more trash to eat anyway.”

Mocking laughter followed me as I ran, my surroundings blurring as the tears I’d been holding back finally spilled free. I barely paid attention to my surroundings, simply letting my legs carry me as far away as possible.

I made it behind the gymnasium before I ran out of breath. Gasping for air, I leaned against the building.

Slowly, I felt my adrenaline fade, the desperation and fury that had been fueling me melting away. Without it, my strength evaporated, and I fell to my knees as the full weight of what happened sunk into my bones.

I’d tried. Ever since middle school, I’d tried to ignore Katie’s torments. Even if it hadn’t worked, things hadn’t been that bad…

So why?

Why had I stood up to her two weeks ago?

Because enduring it was worse than I wanted to admit.

I bit down on my lip, eyes squeezing shut.

Because she had ruined something I was once again going to have to pay money to replace.

Tears trickled wet trails down my cheeks.

Because for once… I wanted to be strong… like Lily.

And now everything had fallen apart.

Katie’s video… it would ruin everything if she shared it. Most of the students in my grade only avoided me due to her rumors, but if they saw the video, they’d join in with the classmates from my homeroom in tormenting me. A teacher would eventually realize something was going on, and then…

Then they would see, and even if they made the same incorrect assumptions as Katie…

Everything would still be ruined, because Father would find out I’d messed up again.

Katie had me trapped.

Ignoring her, stopping her from bullying other students, trying to just get through my day and forget about their pettiness…

It was over.

I felt a pressure building in my lungs, a frantic chaos that demanded to be released, so I lifted my arm and bit down on my forearm even as I took a deep breath.

And then I screamed, hoping my sleeve would muffle the sound.

Reality rippled.

Then it shattered.

Black thorned vines made of shimmering energy ripped through the ground, violet outlining their shape in a baleful glow. Where the vines touched, the world disintegrated, spreading darkness that washed through the world in a wave of annihilation.

I gasped, the school around me shattering apart as the vines tore through reality to reveal the city beyond suffering the same fate. Skyscrapers disintegrated in the distance, shadows spreading even to the sky. I felt the ground underneath me disappear, grass giving way to a thin layer of water.

Before I could even grasp what was happening, the destruction was complete, over in a matter of seconds.

I was left in a world of shadows, the only light belonging to the purple glow of the thorned vines. Even then, most of them began to dissipate, slowly breaking apart into particles before disappearing. Only a few clusters remained, water reflecting their dim violet light.

Quiet smothered the world, the only sound coming from the snapping electricity that occasionally arced between the thorns.

I sat there, in the void of loneliness left by reality’s ruination, uncomprehending and not daring to breathe as even my heart seemed to freeze in my chest.

Then, perfectly bisected by the horizon, an eldritch eclipse bloomed with the bass sound of exploding static and shattering glass.

It was huge, many sizes larger than a normal eclipse. The ring of fire that should have been the sun peeking behind the moon had the same baleful violet color of the vines, the light reflecting off the water and tinting the world. Across the half circle of darkness that should have been the moon were scars of similar purple light, cracks that took the same shape of the thorned vines and wrapped around the moon almost like chains.

I stared, my mouth dry and heart pounding as I tried to understand-

“Hello.”

My head snapped towards the sudden voice.

Sitting on one of the vines as if they weren’t made of shadowy lightning was a girl.

A girl that looked almost exactly like me.

Small. Petite. Pale skin. Black hair. She had no eyepatch, revealing vivid, heterochromatic eyes of red and blue that shone in the dim light.

But her hair was longer than mine and tied up into twintails that fell to her waist. Moreover, instead of a school uniform, she wore a black and purple dress in a Gothic, Victorian style. It was elaborate, something that wouldn’t look out of place on a Magical Girl…

Magical Girl…

Something about that thought made me freeze.

Magical Girl… contract… Usurpation… the mall… shelter… Death Wish…

The pieces snapped together, and I remembered.

The school and Katie’s blackmail… everything I’d just experienced… It was all just a memory. In reality, I had just been in Arcadia Spire unlocking my Signature Magic, and now…

Now I was facing her, the girl I’d seen a few times before in my dreams but never remembered.

During my contract with Selene, after I’d made it to the shelter with Brian, when I’d made it back after the Arachnomantis…

She’d been there, trapped within the lightning thorns.

But now she was free, wearing my Magical Girl costume.

I scrambled to my feet, taking a few quick steps back as fear pulled my chest tight.

“What are you?” I asked, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart.

The thing smiled softly, seemingly unconcerned by my suspicion.

“I’m the unsung and unheeded parts of you given form. Though… more restricted. More knowledgeable. Your Soul Gem has done much to help shape me. The Zenith really are exceptional at turning the inevitable into boons…”

She trailed off as if pondering that thought before slowly shaking her head.

“But that doesn’t answer you, not really. To put it simply, I’m another tool the Zenith have given to aid you, another magical construct, one very similar to a Familiar.”

My eyes flicked around, looking for any danger, but the construct seemed content to kick her legs idly from her perch. Something about the relaxed explanation coming from somebody who looked like me was unsettling, twisting knots in my muscles.

“But… I already have Selene, so why would I need another magical construct?”

She hummed thoughtfully, but the smile adorning her face turned sad.

“Magic is the power of creation given shape by reality’s expectations alongside the caster’s will, focus, and imagination. Tell me…”

The crack of thunder made me jump as purple-black lightning struck next to the construct, fading in a flash that left behind a frozen, monochrome figure. I twitched as I realized it was Katie, her phone pointed at me with a smirk. If it weren’t for the statue’s complete lack of movement, I would have sworn it was her.

“Do you want to set Katie on fire?”

My head snapped to the construct, eyes wide.

“What?”

“Do you want to hurt the girl who has been tormenting you? Do you want to see her burn, to make her experience even a fraction of the hurt she’s inflicted on you?”

“I… N-no…”

Because… as much as I hated what she’d put me through… wanting to hurt her felt… sick.

I mean… there were moments, brief instances where my anger flared up, and the thought of retaliating would cross my mind. Just a slap, or a shove to let her know how I felt about her bullying. At most, I might have wanted to throw a punch to try to give her a bloody nose.

But outside of that? When I was away from her, thinking about things with a clear head?

I didn’t… maybe I wished she would get in trouble or something, but pain?

I just… Some people definitely deserved to hurt for what they did… but…

It was hard for me to imagine doing that, inflicting something I was familiar enough to hate on someone else.

“Partial truth,” the thing tilted her head. “But not the whole truth, is it? Because things aren’t quite that simple.

My stomach dropped, and I shook my head vehemently.

“I wouldn’t-”

“Of course not, but that doesn’t change how you feel, does it?”

The silence that followed was more telling than a thousand books, but I couldn’t work a denial out of my throat. The construct of me simply nodded, and the statue of Katie disintegrated into ash.

“Magic is fueled by magical energy. Emotions are one such source, but they are hardly ever simple, focused things. Anger can be as righteous as it is cruel. Love can be as kind as it is twisted. Competitiveness can be as invigorating as it is stifling. A living being’s will is more than just what they act on, and in someone capable of casting magic… what happens to the instincts that are ignored, the fears that are buried, and that sorrow that is left to fester? What happens to that magical energy when it is shoved down and ignored? When part of the caster still wants to act on their more baser feelings?”

She spread her hands, the smile lopsided as she stared me in the eyes.

“Magic may shine with the light of creation, but even that light still casts a Shadow.”

I shuddered, the emphasis on the term apparent. The water around me rippled almost in a sympathetic reaction as the construct continued.

“All casters eventually develop a Shadow. It’s a simple equation, really. Magic is creation fueled by magical energy. Emotions can create magical energy. Live long enough, bury enough subconscious desires and feelings, and eventually enough is fed into the creation of a magical construct to ask the questions you refuse to directly answer. For a natural magic user, this process can lead to… complications. Thankfully, due to the Zenith’s Soul Gem, there are safeguards to help prevent any accidents from happening.”

Processing her words, I carefully cleared my throat.

“So you’re… my subconscious?”

“Partially, but not quite. I’m more of a representative than the actual thing. Your Soul Gem provided a framework for me to fill so I could speak and assist you in a much more lucrative way than a normal Shadow, giving me knowledge and restrictions to better aid you. For example, now that I’ve fully manifested, there won’t be any more cryptic dream meetings you can’t quite remember. Just us occasionally… conversing.”

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

I could feel the tension in me bleeding away as I considered my Shadow’s words. The explanations seemed to make sense… and considering the fact I’d ended up going through all of this while going through a mysterious ritual to unlock my Signature magic… things seemed to be adding up.

Except…

“You said… you exist because magic casters inevitably develop a Shadow… and my Soul Gem helped program you to be more… coherent and… helpful?”

She nodded at my summary, a motion I slowly returned.

“But… helpful with what?”

“Trauma.”

I flinched at the blunt reply, my Shadow’s smile slipping away completely.

“The vast majority of people that are biologically and psychologically compatible with becoming a Magical Girl are young. Twelve to twenty is the sweet spot. Anomalies exist, yes, but that still means the vast majority of humans the Zenith are equipping to fight nightmares incarnate are children. The things they will see, experience, and be forced to deal with… you have a better idea than most what this war will mean. The loss… the pain… the despair. All of this is forced mostly upon children.”

My mouth felt dry, the image of the Archnomantis room flashing through my mind, the lone gun in a puddle of blood. Then the blurry moments of losing my arm, and the realizations afterward about what was responsible for everything going wrong…

“A Shadow does two main things to help alleviate this horrific fact,” she continued quietly. “First, I help suppress the immediate effects of trauma. I take some of the shock and haunting scars and hold onto them, smoothing things out by slowly having you untangle those emotions over a longer period of time.”

She lifted her hand, gently reaching out with a finger to harshly poke at one of the vine’s thorns, causing a loud snap and flash of electricity. Pausing for a moment, she then gently pressed her fingertip to it, a low, almost imperceptible hum filling the air as tiny arcs of purple-black lightning danced at the point of contact.

“Some people, like you, already have some experience in compartmentalization, but for those Guardians that don’t have such an ability, or for traumatic events beyond normal coping mechanisms, a Shadow steps in. When you lost your arm, for instance. Part of the reason you’ve been able to function so normally is because I’m evening out the coping and healing process.”

My hand went to rub my arm, a phantom chill scaling down my skin that made my Shadow nod.

“Expect muted sensations like that. Some nightmares, too. As cruel as it may sound, it’s to help your body and mind process what happened in a healthy manner.”

“So you can… suppress my emotions?” I asked with nausea curling in my belly, but she quickly shook her head.

“Not quite. I’m a director of the psychological consequences you suffer after a traumatic event. I assist you in dealing with your experiences at a pace you can handle without succumbing to things like PTSD or other such disorders. In simple terms… instead of suffering a sudden burst of damage, I stretch it out over a longer period of time. It also bears mentioning that most Magical Girls don’t even fully manifest a Shadow until they’ve had months of experience and notable trauma to necessitate one. But for Darks who’ve already been tempered even before becoming a Guardian, and for you, a Dark that was thrown in a Death Wish on their first day…”

Oh.

Right… She was a magical construct formed out of parts of me, so of course she would know everything about me. She would know what I’ve been through, and-

“Don’t spiral,” she commanded, and I froze at the ice in her voice. “I might be more connected to you than your Familiar, but I’m also more restricted. Other than talking to you and managing the scars of your mindscape, there is nothing I can do without your command. Even with your approval, my options of affecting the outside world are limited to one, but that’s a talk for another time. What you need to know is that I’m an interface for parts of you. I may have form and speak, but I’m no individual. Just a tool. A small but necessary piece that prevents a very large problem.”

That… did make me feel better. Part of me was sickened that my Shadow’s lack of freedom gave me ease, but… if she really wasn’t a person, just a construct, a reflection of my inner psyche…

I blinked, a few snippets I’d missed before slotting into place.

Reflection room. It was a term I remember seeing when I first made my contract and then again when I was creating my Astral Shift’s costume for the first time. This… this must have been what it was talking about?

“Two main things…” I murmured, as realization dawned on me. “You said Shadows do two main things. You don’t just regulate trauma, you’re here to make me reflect on it.”

She nodded, her soft smile returning.

“Which is why you just experienced that memory. You can lie or not talk to your Familiar, but what about facing a direct aspect of yourself? It’s much harder to ignore problems when confronted with facts you can’t deny. We’ve already been through one such session after your amputation, do you remember?”

I did. Her questions on why I did things the way I did, on why I trusted people… Now that I could properly remember the encounter, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was how I’d been so composed when I awoke.

Well, relatively composed, anyway…

“You begin to see,” she nodded. “A Familiar aides a Magical Girl in the waking world. A Shadow manages their burdens so they may have peace in their inner.”

I bit back my instinctive response to that, swallowing down my anger.

I didn’t ask for that.

Having a Familiar was one thing. Everyone knew about them, and even if my contract was an emergency I didn’t have much choice in accepting, I didn’t regret it. Besides, Selene had done everything in her power so far to be helpful, thoughtful, and kind beyond what I could have ever expected. Linked as we were, she’d still gone above and beyond on honoring my privacy as much as possible regardless of the implications.

And after the mall… I’d known Selene for less than a day’s worth of time, but I knew I could offer her a sizable amount of trust. While I was still worried about what was bound to come up in the future, she had been nothing but patient, letting me tell her things on my own time. Hopefully that would continue.

But this? My Shadow? I didn’t sign up for some artificial therapist that would be intimately aware of all my fears and secrets, and I frankly didn’t want one. I’d been just fine so far, hadn’t I? Selene knowing so much about me still made me uneasy even after everything we’d been through.

However… my Shadow had said she could only affect the outside world in one way, and even that would require my permission. If she really couldn’t spill my secrets to anybody, something I would be confirming with Selene after I was out of here, then this wasn’t an absolute catastrophe. As much as I disliked this, it was salvageable.

“If you’re going here to make me reflect, should I expect a meeting anytime I make a decision I’m not completely sure about?”

I couldn’t quite keep the frustration from my voice as I questioned her, but she simply shook her head, shifting slightly on the vine she was sitting on.

“A Shadow’s purpose isn’t to subvert. It is to bear the burdens too sharp to handle and to give voice to the vague questions tearing apart your subconscious so they can be properly defined and answers sought. I ask about what you ignore so the magic flowing through your veins doesn’t accidentally tear your psyche in two trying to follow your conscious and subconscious wills separately. In the end, a Shadow is unity through dissonance. I make you aware of contradictions and problems you are struggling with so you can firm your resolve.”

That… sounded frustratingly reasonable, especially with everything she’d already said about magic being the embodiment of creation. If Shadows really were inevitable in magic wielders, I could stomach it as a necessary consequence.

I didn’t have to like it to keep moving forward.

“I understand,” I told my Shadow before taking a slow breath in. “If we’re meeting now… Is there something we need to talk about?”

“Nothing urgent. This meeting is more of a side-effect of the ritual to unlock your Signature. When a Shadow is ready to fully form but hasn’t had the chance, the ritual process that draws out your Signature also establishes their form. There wasn’t really a need for us to meet just yet, I was managing things just fine even in my unfinished state. But…”

She paused, head tilting as she considered something. Every moment of silence caused my anxiety to tie another knot up my stomach and into my chest.