Chapter 190: Recruitment Drive By

Even with the teleporters shortening distances to a reasonable level, it still took Viv over five days of travel to find where her potential general was hiding from the nearest active portal. As to why it took so long, the answer was that he lived out in the fucking boonies.

 

West of the port city of Zazas, the northern lands turned into wind-swept moors and craggy hills peppered with copses of small pines. It was a desolate place, sparsely populated by hardy folks who survived on hunting and fishing. The early fall brought cold rains from the ocean that left the trail muddy and slippery, the air chilled. Predators prowled at night in vain attempts to eat their horses. Viv was having a bad time. It took a lot of self-control to keep this fact to herself.

 

Jaratalassi had been rather clear. Sahin, her potential strategist, was a genius the likes of which happened once in a generation. Jaratalassi had even attempted to train him as his heir. Unfortunately, the man happened to lack the political savviness required to navigate the ego mountain chain that was Paramese politics.

 

Actually, that wasn’t what Jaratalassi had said.

 

Sahin didn’t lack savviness. He just didn’t give a shit. He had, apparently, a ‘realistic’ appraisal of his own talent and no inclination towards using it for other people. Fortunately for the world, the would-be Alexander happened to be the heir of one of the poorest lands around so he had no armed forces to take for a spin at world conquest. The natural resources of his tiny domain were fish, rain, and depression. It reminded Viv of England.

She sighed and turned, watching her small retinue listlessly ride on the gravel road. One cart for supplies and one for gifts were all she’d taken because on top of being supremely self-confident, her dear potential recruit happened to abhor showy displays, luxury, noise, and women. As in, female company. Not the gender.

 

Viv had a bad feeling about this.

 

For the trip, Viv had kept Rollo, who knew a lot about etiquette and represented the budding nobility. Lana was here as well to represent the mages while Ban Junior was the infantryman. She hadn’t managed to convince Lak-Tak to come since he was too busy inventing napalm, and none of the Hadals were interested. Four people was a good number anyway. They also brought appropriate gifts to show proper respect. Viv’s preparations were thorough.

 

Finally, on the seventh day, the clouds parted on a picturesque little town overlooking the green expanse of the sea. Precious rays warmed empty fields, braying cattle, and the few locals braving the capricious weather. Fishing boats bobbed peacefully in the nearby bay, while a snaking path winded up a sheer cliff to the towering form of an ancient castle, its tall wall bearing the scars of a long life. Not all of them were caused by the weather.

 

The first locals they came across were cloaked children sent out to do errands by displeased mothers, rain drying on their cloaks. They gawked at Viv like she was a ghost. Viv didn’t take umbrage. She was, after all, coming from the land route which was unusual. Or perhaps it was the fact they were the only ethnically pale people in several leagues as well. Or maybe the black pseudo-wings behind her had something to do with it as well. The first adult to cross her path bowed properly at least. She happened to be an old gossip who was ecstatic to lead ‘her ladyship’ to the town’s only inn.

 

“You’ll see, they do the best fish pie in the realm!”

 

Bleh. Viv would have settled for the worst pizza. At least the inn was clean and the innkeeper couple proved absolutely delighted to have new business in the off season. Viv had brought a lot of gold just in case, so she got the VIP treatment. At least the cart people would be properly lodged.

 

Thus prepared and cleaned, Viv led her three companions up the steep path to the gates of the castle. They arrived in the early afternoon. By then, it had started to rain again.

 

The fortress had a drawbridge. It was closed. There was even a moat, though it was empty of water and some trees had even started to grow in there.

 

“Not very auspicious,” Rollo commented.

 

Viv didn’t reply. She was busy studying the ancient and deactivated defenses. They’d come across a few polite guards in the town itself, but here, the battlements were empty. Honestly, the castle itself was too small to hold a full garrison, much less a population of the size of the town they’d left. They were about to enter a relic of lost age, as obsolete as it was imposing.

 

“Should we announce our presence?” Lana asked.

 

“Yes. Let’s grab the horn.”

 

“Would you not prefer to use a sound spell? It would announce our status as mage.”

 

Viv sighed. One thing about being a mage was that you wanted to replace everything by mana. She was guilty of this as well.

 

“You want me to sing ‘pwa pwa’ instead? Or say ‘hello, is somebody there’?”

 

“No!” Lana scoffed, a little offended. “We could announce who we are and demand to be let in!”

 

“Just ring the horn, Rollo, it will be shorter.”

 

Before Lana could sulk, Viv explained that between the wind and the echo, they wouldn’t be understood. Rollo blew twice cleanly while they talked.

 

“Let’s just be sober in our approach. I assure you, being assertive is pointless against Sahin. Nothing impresses him.”

 

“Not even intimidation, milady?”

 

“I don’t believe threatening a key strategic asset into compliance is a smart thing to do.”

 

Lana blinked.

 

“This must be a Harrakan expression I have not yet studied, Your Majesty.”

 

“Sorry. Ugh. Still having an earth mindset. I was saying that it would be most unwise to threaten the man who shall wield one of my most powerful weapons, don’t you think?”

 

“That does make sense, milady. I only hoped we could impress upon him the… ah, to Maranor with it. Fine. I get your point.”

 

“Excuse me?” a hesitant voice said.

 

On top of the walls, a mop of frizzy white hair mussed by the wind barely cleared the battlements. It belonged to an old man bearing an expression of intense embarrassment.

 

“Yes?” Viv said.

 

“I beg your pardon but would you happen to be visitors seeking entrance?”

 

“Yes, we are.”

 

“Sorry, could you repeat that?”

 

Viv huffed. A wave of her fingers and the sound between the two of them harmonized. Damn wind.

 

“I said, yes we are.”

 

“Oh, wonderful,” the man lied. “Hmm, is this some manner of sorcery?”

 

“Yes, it’s harmless. That way we can talk without screaming our throats out. Now, would you kindly let us in? We’re here to see Lord Sahin.”

 

“Oh my, and who may I be speaking to? Apologies for the lack of decorum but my master bid me ask.”

 

“My name is Viviane, current Empress of New Harrak. This is Ser Rollo, leader of the Order of the Blue Rose, Lana the Tideweaver, archmage, and Ban Junior, Sergeant of the One Hundred. We’re seeking your master about potential employment, if it pleases him.”

 

“Oh my, so many titles. Ahem, fortunately you are not on the extensive list of banned persons…”

 

The old man winced.

“Probably because my master is not yet aware of your existence. I would nevertheless warn you that your endeavor might be fruitless.”

 

“We were told of many failures. Now, will you open the drawbridge or do we continue our far speak session until nightfall?”

 

“Oh, terribly sorry, where are my manners? Ah, but there is the small matter of… hmmm. Would you perhaps mind coming in through the secret passage? My old bones are not what they used to be and I can no longer lift the drawbridge after it comes down.”

 

Viv resisted the urge to groan.

 

“We’ll help. Some of us are really strong,” Viv said.

 

“And some of us even worked for it,” Rollo muttered.

 

“Hush you. I got stabbed for my awesome might.”

 

“Oh I couldn’t possibly ask guests…”

 

“For the love of Sardanal open the damn thing, we’ll help, alright?”

 

“Oh very well, very well.”

 

The drawbridge slammed down. Viv walked in with confidence, dragging her horse behind her. The inner courtyard was an absolute wreck from dilapidated stable to cracked stairs. The only little spot of care was a tiny vegetable garden lovingly grown where the kennels used to be. Fat gourds sprouted from the glistening soil. As the group stopped, the man she’d spoken to rushed down to meet them at a quick gait. He was remarkably short, and well-dressed. An unexpected sight.

 

“Hello, welcome!”

 

“Oh,” Viv replied. “Nice tubers. Your work?”

 

“Yes. Old Lady Tillis — the cook — helps me on occasion. I find the task relaxing.”

 

The majordomo winced. It seemed to be a common occurrence.

 

“I apologize for soliciting your help…”

 

“Right. Please show Ban here where the mechanism is? He will sort it out in moments.”

 

The task proved a little more difficult than expected because Ban Junior did not, in fact, speak Northerner. After the false start, the majordomo led them inside through dusty gates to a frigid interior.

 

Viv used the opportunity to study the castle’s dormant magical enchantments. They were weak yet solid, a sign they could be reactivated. The flow was peculiar. It strengthened as she moved deeper in but only where she was, as if the castle was looking at her. The central locus of the enchantment curved back towards a distant shape on an upper level. For a moment, Viv thought it might be a core but the locus moved.

 

“Do you feel that?” she asked Lana.

 

“There are defenses around us, yes.”

 

“Not that. A moving origin. I think the castle is tied to the lord of the place. It might be a nascent artifact.”

 

“Those are extremely rare, and most of them are quite ancient…” the blue mage commented.

 

It also meant that there were hidden measures, not that Viv intended to test them. The majordomo led them to a receiving room that happened to have the only working hearth around, warming a table large enough for a small group to have dinner. A separate table in the corner held books and accounting documents next to a bowl of candied nuts and a cup of tea. Viv suspected this might be the majordomo’s working spot.

 

“Please wait here while I fetch the master. Ah, Tilly will serve tea quickly. Please excuse her lack of conversation — she is deaf and mute.”

 

Viv sat down while the short man hurried off.

 

This was the most passive aggressive way to tell visitors to fuck off she’d ever experienced.

 

“Milady, this is highly irregular,” Rollo said. “The lord of the house should have come to welcome us, or at least to take our measure! And there are no soldiers here? This… man is failing at every possible duty or courtesy he could be expected to fulfill!”

 

Viv nodded. A moment later, a grim old lady brought them ‘tea’ in cracked cups. Viv judged it was water with a passing acquaintance with some tea leaves. At least it was hot.

 

She studied the distant shape of the nobleman above. It had not yet moved.

 

The minutes passed. Ban Junior started to patrol the place while Lana meditated. The room was bare and poorly isolated, but the temperature was toasty thanks to some embers and the sheer energy of Rollo’s incandescent rage. The knight was positively fuming.

 

The table groaned under his grip when the majordomo returned, terribly embarrassed.

 

“The, ah, the master will be with you shortly. So he said. He bid you be comfortable in the meanwhile. I apologize for the poor show, oh dear oh dear… I shall see if we can get some biscuits and candies, right away. Please excuse me.”

 

Rollo breathed in and out hard once the door shut behind the hurrying servant.

 

“This little prick…”

 

Viv weaved a sound isolation enchantment in an instant. She didn’t want to be spied on.

 

“It’s a test,” she explained.

 

“It’s an insult! A deliberate provocation! Does he want to die? Does he not realize any of us could kill him where he stands?”

 

Viv wondered about that. Well, no, she could kill him, no questions. But maybe he didn’t know that. Or maybe he didn’t care. That was more concerning.

 

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

“How can you be so calm?” Rollo asked again. “I have started duels for less!”

 

“As I said, this is a test so I am trying not to take it personally. I suspect our dear general does not want to serve and if he decides to do it, he will only do so for people who have proven certain qualities.”

 

“A complete lack of spine?”

 

“Patience and humility, Rollo. These are the northern cities. Glastia had Medjin lead their troops for the most important battle of their existence rather than someone really competent. What is the point of being general if any two-bit prince can overrule you because you are merely a count? I am making assumptions here, but I imagine our recruit has little sympathy for those who pull rank. And there is reason to hope yet.”

 

“Which is?” Rollo spat.

 

“He has not asked us to leave yet,” Lana said from her lotus position.

 

Rollo threw his hands up in the air, then devolved into angry mumblings. Viv let him be.

 

The minutes turned to an hour. Rollo excused himself to look after the horses, which Viv allowed since it reduced the risks of shattered cups. Fresh cookies were soon served and Viv had to admit that they were pretty good.

 

Outside, the sky darkened.

 

Once the sun was about to set, Viv called back the majordomo who flatly apologized before she could even speak.

 

“I am terribly sorry, madam. I have told him repeatedly, however… I do not know what to say!”

 

“That is alright, my good man. Unfortunately, the time to leave has come. Please extend my salutations to your master as well as a gift. A token of my appreciation.”

 

She placed a small crate on the table.

 

“Permonn liquor from Reixa, Ducal Garden limited reserve. Six bottles, but as your master knows…”

 

“They cannot be bought. Very impressive. We ran out three years ago. It was my dear master’s father’s favorite.”

 

“I was led to believe he would appreciate it. I hope he does. They were not easy to obtain.”

 

“I will certainly let him know. Thank you madam, thank you. Will we… see you tomorrow?”

 

“In the morning, if that is alright.”

 

“Of course! I shall be ready. I only hope my master will be as well. Still terribly sorry about this whole affair.”

 

Viv nodded. They left by the bridge again, this time with Ban Junior shutting it after them and then jumping from the high wall as if it was a slightly high bench. Truly, a superhero moment. Rollo rode to Viv before they were a quarter of the way down the short slope.

 

“Are we going to return tomorrow? AGAIN? What if he does the same thing!”

 

Viv gave him a calming look, patting his shoulder with benevolent patience.

 

“My dear Rollo, this is a competition that I am not willing to lose. Not after having spent a whole week on a damp saddle.”

 

“Then what?”

 

“Right now, our dear host wishes to see how obnoxious he can get without overtly breaking the rules of hospitality, yes?”

 

“So?”

 

“So nobody said he was the only player in that game. Rollo, would you say I can be a pain in the ass, sometimes?”

 

“To your foes? That would be a major understatement.”

 

“Thank you. By the way, I was recently wondering if I could still get drunk.”

 

Rollo’s frown turned into a smile of pure malice.

 

“Despite your strange constitution?”

 

“Indeed. Let’s find out.”

 

***

 

“I will require servants tomorrow. They will be properly compensated. A silver talent a day.”

 

“A silver! Milady, why, my niece is at your disposal.”

 

“I need four comely youngsters who know how to clean and cook, and two musicians.”

 

“Milady, young Kariss works as a traveling minstrel during the warm months — for weddings and such. Would he satisfy you?”

 

“That should do. A dancer as well then?”

 

“… Irlet is recently wedded, but she has always been a very lively dancer. Perhaps she will agree.”

 

“I will also require cold cuts, fruits, braised vegetables, fresh bread, desserts…”

 

“Naturally!”

 

“And your best alcohol.”

 

“We have root beer, some wine from Zazas… Perhaps milady would be interested in hard liquor as well?”

 

“I’ll take a bit of everything.”

 

By then, the innkeeper was rubbing his hands so fast they were on the verge of catching fire.

 

“Not to worry, milady, I will make sure you are kept in the best state to deal with our lord — no insult intended, of course.”

 

***

 

By next morning, it was clear everyone in the village knew that Viv was here to recruit Sahin. It was also abundantly obvious he sent irate guests to fuck off with enough regularity that the villagers were looking forward to it every time. Viv still refused to get annoyed. It wasn’t that she couldn’t display humility. It was that it was not her humility being tested right now, but her patience. Sahin was deliberately fucking with her and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

 

This time, the majordomo slammed the drawbridge down before Viv could even ring the horn. He bowed again while Ban Junior made his way over to lift it back up.

 

“Welcome, Your Imperial Majesty, welcome!”

 

The hired servants whispered between themselves, causing the majordomo to express confusion.

 

“Ah, I see you have brought company?”

 

“My dear Majordomo.”

 

“Yes Ma’am!”

 

“I realize that your master must be feeling indisposed right now?”

 

This wasn’t a question but an out, one the poor man took with eagerness.

 

“Yes. He has — Yes, thank you for understanding.”

 

“Surely as a good host, he wouldn’t deny us our creature comforts?”

 

The majordomo frowned, but he couldn’t see fault with her logic.

 

“I don’t see why not? We are sorely lacking in our ability to welcome guests, to my eternal dismay.”

 

“Then I’m sure there won’t be any issue. Same place?”

 

The majordomo followed Viv as she strode back to the common room. The young servants hastened themselves to turn the place cozy with tablecloths, bowls of fruits ,and meats before disappearing into the kitchen. A blushing lad poured sweet wine into goblets for all four guests, then also for the majordomo at Viv’s insistence.

 

“Perhaps your Tilly could take a break as well?”

 

“She must send our master’s lunch to his chamber, later,” the man muttered with ever-increasing shame.