Chapter 90: SPIDERS!

“No, out of the question. I’m not here to assist foresters with their pest problems. Spiders happen in the forest. It’s normal.”

“Please, great one, I see you are a mage! Sardanal himself placed you on the path.”

“Solfis, isn’t Neriad the one who rescues people?”

//The god of plentiful harvests is a good choice when your life depends on it.

“People… are DYING!” The man screamed.

Viv glared, annoyed that someone would focus her attention on the fate of innocent people in order to appeal to her conscience because it was sort of working and that pissed her off. Her rescuee compounded the insult by falling to his knees, face-planting an instant later.

“Forgive me… Please, great ones. The spiders are coming. We will all die trying to run away.”

“You are no one to me. Your fate and that of your family is of no consequence. I’m trying to get somewhere. People die everywhere all the time on this cosmic death trap anyway.”

“Hmm, Viv?” Marruk interrupted.

Viv prayed that she would not be called on her hypocrisy.

“You are even more direct than usual. Are you fine?”

“Yes! Well, no, but that’s unrelated to the problem at hand which is that his problem is not my problem and that I’m currently running for my life.”

“More like hiding.”

“Same thing!”

“It’s not because you are scared of spiders, yes?”

Viv met Marruk’s unyielding eyes, offended grace versus placid indifference. The Kark lout must have received glaring lessons from Solfis himself because she was just her stoic self. Viv could have replaced her with her door-shield and gotten more reaction.

“I do not fear spiders. I just find them extra ickyaaaAAARG ARTHUR PUT THAT DOWN.”

The dragonette was eating a cut-off leg, crunching the chitinous shell with gusto to get at the muscly marrow within.

“Squee?”

“It’s a spider!”

“Forest spiders are a delicacy. We just need a large pot, butter, citrinelle, and permonn liquor,” the Kark said, practically drooling.

“I thought you didn’t enjoy meat so much?”

“Spiders are different. They taste nutty.”

“Nut yourself.”

//Your Grace, please consider this dim-witted barbarian bumpkin’s request.

Viv gasped in outrage at the golem’s folded form. Two yellow lights showed ominously over the saddle.

“Et tu, brute? You dare betray me in my hour of need? You have never cared for anyone as long as my safety was at risk, and now you want me to go against spiders?”

Solfis answered in old imperial as a change, Usually, he spoke Enorian to allow Marruk to follow.

//Your Grace, the truth is that we are lost.

//We need local help, or risk entering the Deadshield Woods by accident.

“Who do you mean, I thought we were really far from them?”

//Kazar is at the south of the Harrakan heartlands.

//We have gone east past the woods, then north along them.

//They extend the entire width of the continent, only stopping at the edge of the Kark steppes.

//According to my calculations, we have gone north and slightly west, especially since leaving Koltis.

//We could be near the edge and not realize it until it is too late.

“Get lost, you mean?”

//The risk is present.

//Additionally, bounty hunters might wait for us at crossroads or on major arteries.

//Our best chance would be to use a local forester to bypass them while avoiding the edge of the woods.

“This guy isn’t offering help, he wants us to fight spiders.”

//Then ask.

//A desperate person will promise anything.

//Make sure you obtain an oath on a god to keep your presence secret.

//Finally, if you decide to refuse his request against my wish, you must kill him.

“Because of secrecy?”

//Yes.

//You would refuse him and your head is very valuable.

//He would be too dangerous to leave alive.

//Oaths made under physical duress have less weight, sometimes none at all.

“Oh, very well.”

Switching to Enorian, Viv addressed the forester who looked on with equal parts hope and fear. The man himself was rather young under all that grime, twenty at most. He had the usual skin tone under an attempt at a beard and tousled hair. His clothes were rough-spun and held together by strings yet close-fitting and well-made. She realized that there was a bow on his shoulders, but the animal-skin quiver was empty. He was very thin and really muscular at the same time, but those were the muscles of distance-runners. He studied her in return, although his gaze was scared and tentative.

“What’s your name, boy?” Viv asked with blatant dishonesty.

“Ardek, milady. I’m a hunter for the village.”

[Wild-path hunter, one who specializes in crafting their own equipment from the prey they fell themselves. Not very dangerous. Short-range and trap specialist. Stealthy. Beast-slayer.]

Nothing too unexpected.

“What village?”

“Errr it ain’t got a proper name milady. Was made five years ago.”

“How many of you are there?”

“Counting the dogs ma’am?”

“No. Wait, do you have many dogs? For hunting, perhaps?”

Viv’s hope of a large quadrupedal horde between herself and anything remotely arachnoid buoyed in her heart.

“No, ma’am.”

The man withered under her furious glare.

“Then why… Ugh, nevermind. How many?”

“About one hundred and thirty!” the man said with much pride, then more defensively “I can count. I know my numbers.”

“Tell me of your spider problem Mr. Numbers.”

“I ain’t got a proper last name milady. Not yet. Alderman said I could if I got three kids who survive past thirteen. But anyway, yes, the spiders. We got them sometimes at the edge of the forest, scouts for some Deadshield colonies. But recently there’s been more sightings, and also old One-Leg went missing checking his snares and when we went searching he’d been dragged and the harrens were gone. And also old Lildy’s cornudon gave black milk and Simple Willy who drank some got the runs till he died and they say he bled through every hole, beg your pardon. Tall Romus got his family behind the palissade, said there were chittering things in the night that got his dog. And when I left to ask for a royal hunter, damn things saw me! They surrounded the village, I’m telling you.”

Viv sighed.

Spiders.

“Is there anyone here who knows his way around the land? I mean not just half a day of march, I mean north.”

“I do milady, went as far as Lake Hydon to sell furs last winter and I know the way because of my path. I can always return to a place I been to, see? I can get you there. I mean…”

“In return for my help, I got it. How about food. You guys have some?”

“For you of course. We got some fields, though it’s too early in the year but we got meat and giant pine bread and dried stuff from last year. Not a rich fare mind you but you can have enough to make your tummy burst, I tell you. More if you don’t eat the spiders.”

Ardek licked his lips with as much panic and covetousness as a graduate interviewing for his dream job.

“We don’t get much money though…”

“I’ll be magnanimous. If you give us supplies to justify the trip and a guide to Lake Hydon, I’ll look into the spider issue. Kill them until they decide to leave the village alone. You must also swear an oath to secrecy, not just you but the entire village.”

“Very magani-mouse of you milady, very very. Yes, I swear on Enttiku that I will not reveal your presence outside of the village, ever. Thank you, milady, thank you.”

Viv froze in her tracks while Marruk removed a relatively intact leg from the spider carcass. Had she just agreed to kill spiders? Arg. She should have given it more thought!

“Let’s be on our way then! Please follow me, it’s this way. Won’t take long!”

“I hate everything with four legs and a lot of things with two. Ugh. Hope I don’t regret it.”

//It is the best option, Your Grace.

//Did you know that spider flesh is very nutritious and rich in brown mana?”

“I will force you to recite the Baranses pledge of allegiance on loop.”

//UPDATING DIETARY ADVICE GUIDELINES.

//My apologies, Your Grace.

“Let’s just go. Marruk… you take point.”

***

The woods grew deeper and darker when Ardek retraced his steps. He would sometimes go and remove a silex arrow from a dead spider as large as a French Bulldog, which he would place in a haversack with a guilty backward glance. Viv was reminded of the Temple of Doom movie when a fat man sucked the flesh off a giant bug with naked delight. Honestly, that was ten times worse than the heart thing. She shivered.

“Did you have a bad experience with spiders, Viv?” Marruk finally asked.

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The outlander was about to reply when her danger sense screamed and she threw a reflex bolt up and to her left, where it caught a large, furry body mid-air. She threw a powerful net again just to be on the safe side. The thing was sliced into three distinctive parts.

Marruk jumped from her horse and blocked the body before gravity could smash it into Viv’s face, but a spinning piece of thorax sent its contents into Viv’s face. The witch removed the end of a long, quivering tube from her forehead. Ichor dripped down her face.

“NOW I’M HAVING A BAD EXPERIENCE NOW NOW NOW ARRRRRRGGGG.”

The others checked the carcass, leaving the witch to jump in circles to calm herself down. She sat on a stump a little later and rested her face against her knees.

“Viv?” Marruk asked a bit later.

“What?” A muffled voice replied.

“Hmmm Ardek wants to take the carcass but Arthur already ate the eyes and I was wondering if you wanted to lay claim to it or… Right, I’ll errr, handle it myself.”

“Why do they fly?”

//Technically, they jump, milady.

//Adult forest spiders can reach up to twenty-five paces, more if they jump from trees.