CH1020 Thera’s Perspective

Now, what am I supposed to do about this?

On the surface, Mora was trying to seem fine. He was talking with her, discussing what sorts of games he’d want to play when Ben came back and what he’d want to do if Delair joined them, but he was still new to having a body and, as much as that, new to being alive. He could say what he wanted, but he was completely failing to hide his emotions on his face, looking deep in some depressing thought.

“We haven’t found a game Ben has an okay chance of winning, so maybe there’s something we can play in teams? Someone can just carry him,” the boy said, trying to be considerate of Ben in a manner that would hurt in its own way, even as he pouted. It would have been convenient if his mind were easily read so Ben could have found the heart of the issue, but Mora had made it clear on that front from the very beginning that he wanted his privacy, leaving only one thing that could be done. Thera needed to ask.

“Mora,” she stopped him, cutting off his rambling. “I know you’re not okay. Talk to me about it. I’m here for you.”

“… I’m fine.”

“You’re worse at hiding your emotions than me, and I spent most of my life having to completely hide my face,” she tried to lightly tease, feeling like she failed when it got no reaction. “Yesterday was… hard. We saw people we cared about hurt, and a place you’ve spent a lot of time was destroyed, but we made it out okay in the end. The dryads were saved, and even if they’ve lost their homes, by moving here they’ll be safer than they ever could have been if they were left in their village.”

“…”

Thera sighed, seeing no progress. “Is what happened to Ben still on your mind?”

She didn’t know if he’d followed fast enough to see it as it happened, but he’d certainly seen the aftermath. Considering it was one of his guardians, it was reasonable to think that the sight might have left a trauma despite how well he normally managed to handle seeing rather extreme injuries every time she brought him with her to any hospital or clinic, but the boy didn’t respond.

“Is it concern about the dryads then?” She tried once more, thinking her reassurance on that front may not have been enough before a different thought came to her. “Or are you thinking about what would have happened if you had been there?”

With how often they had Fontesh babysit, it was a thought that had passed her mind as well. What would have happened if Mora had been with them at the time while she and Ben had been off somewhere else, dealing with some other task? Just the notion left her feeling sick; she could imagine the thought was even more uncomfortable to a child, and with a small nod it seemed she was right, though not in the way she’d expected.

“… I’ve been thinking about if I should kill people or not.”

A statement that immediately froze her before she realized what he meant.

Anything with system access is by definition a person.

“You’re thinking about whether you should kill demons,” she said, seeing him nod.

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“If I’d been there… I don’t want to, but Delair and Fontesh and Hentath and everyone else were there and all of them are weak compared to me. Even after Ben strengthened them, they were still getting hurt, but I, I probably wouldn’t have. I could have fought and won, but if I could do that then because I know them… that sort of thing is happening everywhere, isn’t it? I’m a great spirit, how can I only think about doing anything when people I know are in trouble? Everyone is in danger right now, aren’t they? Even if they’re people, they’re bad people, right?”