CH689

After dropping Yuzu off and making their way back for the evening, the first thing Ben did was lay down and rest his eyes, neither sleeping nor going up to his god, instead trying to get the smallest bit of a break while aiming to keep any thoughts from his many minds.

He’d just lost a fight to one third-tier skill holder while being taken by surprise by another and in both times he’d been basically powerless to deal with it when his biggest goal was to somehow become strong enough to deal with someone who stood miles above either of them in less than a year’s time. He’d known from the start it was unrealistic and a big part of the loose plan he had revolved around the idea that he’d have the strength to go far beyond his current enchanting ability by then so the way he’d just done things didn’t even apply but nonetheless, it showed him how out of his league he really was.

Would it be smarter to try and find someone else and then do what I can to raise them up in their own sacrilege? If Rook had even a speck of talent he might not be a bad idea despite being a colossal asshole but given it sounds like he’s been alive for a few hundred years and still doesn’t have any other skills at the second tier he’s not worth much beyond his ability to not die.

Abel’s a much better choice and I can already think of a few ways to boost her nice and quick. Get her the zeroth level and let her tears do most of the work and then we could try to get her to eat one of the shittier gods of the world to push her up as many levels as we can, maybe even awakening her. Hell, the plan I have to speed through my jobs could easily help her too. I don’t know if job bonuses affect how many tears she needs to spend but even if things aren’t so lucky, with the way I’m planning on speeding through things when I’m done with world killer, I’d be able to bring her into my party to help her get through any and all of the options she has too, it would be a worthy idea to look into.

Except I’ve met Oaun and as strong as Abel is, I’m really not sure it would be enough, even if I can get her to the third tier of sacrilege. Which means nothing I do will be enough either, obviously. God, this really is going to be impossible and on top of that-

His thoughts were cut off and he opened his eyes, seeing Thera on top of him looking back.

“Feeling frisky?”

“Maybe I would be if you’d tell me what’s going on in your head.”

“I think that as of the last few years, the answer could pretty easily be summed up to ‘a lot’.”

“You know what I’m talking about. What’s bothering you?”

God, where do I begin?

It felt like he had a million concerns of varying world-shattering magnitudes hitting him from all angles at all times and here Thera was, forcing the issue. It was the perfect time to finally sit and talk to her about his concerns about the world and the war and what felt like the inevitable fate of it all, but that wasn’t where his mind flashed.

No, his thoughts immediately went to a related issue, one Rook had oh-so-inelegantly brought up while he was being rejected.

“Do you ever feel like you’d be more comfortable with someone with a longer lifespan?”

“Ben-”

“Not, like, Rook, obviously. Someone who’s not a complete tool-slash-attempted murderer. Someone who’s going to have more than another one hundred to one hundred and eighty years ahead of them.”

Her first reaction to hearing that was to pinch his cheeks and tell him off but she could see that even if it wasn’t the main thing, the idea was bothering him in a way she wasn’t used to seeing, so instead she placed a firm finger on his chest as she spoke.

“Ben, I’m going to say something embarrassing here and I’m only going to say it once so you better make sure you listen the first time, understood?”

“Uh, okay?”

“When I decided I wanted to be with you, it wasn’t because I magically became fine with dating out of the blue and you were the first person around who I happened to get along with to try out. I am able to be in love because it’s with you. Even if I live for thousands of years more after you pass, I’m going to treasure every minute we’ve had together and nobody and nothing is going to be able to change that. My life has completely changed by having you in it so no worrying about what some random psycho has to say, understand?”

She leaned down to kiss him as she said it, leaving him briefly dazed when she pulled away.

“Okay, understood. Wow, I would give you literally any amount of money to say that again. Seriously, just ask.”

“Nope, you get the once and you can use that perfect memory of yours to replay it in your head however often you want. What would you even get out of hearing it again?”

“Getting to enjoy you looking cute and embarrassed when you say it?”

Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author’s consent. Report any sightings.

“Still no. Now, I want to know the main thing that’s been bothering you because it’s clearly not just this. You’ve seemed at least a little off since getting back.”

“What, can a guy not just be good and traumatized from his second kidnapping?”

“Ben.”

“Sorry,” He sighed. “You’re right and this is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about anyway. It’s just a matter of finding the time and putting my feelings in order and trying to make sure I can actually reach my goals and that I’m not insane and… A lot. I’ve been thinking about a lot.”

“So tell me already.”

“…I don’t believe we’re going to win this Thera. The invasion, the war, everything. There’s not a single speck of my heart that believes there’s a possible future where we come out on top. I was doubtful before I saw the demon’s world but now I’m comfortable saying it’s basically a fact. This world is clinging to a delusional level of hope against an enemy that numbers in the what? Trillions at least, maybe beyond the quintillions for all I know. I guess the grey would have a better idea but they still haven’t said anything since I’ve gotten back and… Sorry, I’m rambling.”