Ch25 Kitchen Prep

Fireproof is not heatproof. Something to keep in mind in the future.

 

To compensate for not having a frying pan, I tried to encase my hands in the fireproof chemical I found in my suit and Ifrit’s sweat, but the stove uses a heat-coil to transfer heat into the pans. Flesh doesn’t transfer heat very well at all, and when my hands reached a high enough temperature to start chemical reactions, they fell apart from micro-units self-destructing. This in turn dumped a bunch of dust and flesh onto the heat coils, which started a small fire. Especially the oils and grease in the tofu patty, those took a while to burn out. The next attempt was to hold the patty over the coils with a knife, but the coils seem to only transfer heat through solid objects, and placing the patty on the coils directly just started another fire. I gave up and called Mikey after a ‘neighbor’ came to see if everything was fine.

Admittedly, I may have been a bit hasty in trying to cook the burgers without a pan. The tofu patties were kept frozen at the store, and I was worried that they would go bad before I could acquire a pan of my own (the bag says to keep refrigerated until used). I needn’t have worried, one of the kitchen devices was a cold storage box called a ‘refrigerator’, a fact that a confused Mikey pointed out when I explained what happened and why. I need a good backstory to explain why I’m so ignorant of common human objects and terms. I’ll think about it.

 

At least Mikey’s attention was somewhat diverted from my ignorance when I told him the address. He insisted on using the elevators to get to me, as my current dwelling was apparently in a ‘rough neighborhood’. I met him back at the base, in the elevator corridor, since he would need a keycard to use the apartment elevator. He stepped off his normal elevator with a bag that I presumed held the pan I would need.

 

“Hey Tofu. From your description I expected you to be extra crispy.”

“I already regenerated the damage.”

“Oof, I was joking. So you actually fried yourself? Musta hurt.”

“Extremely.”

 

Mikey stopped moving and blinked at me.

 

“Whyyy… would you do that then?” he asked.

“Because I wanted to make a tofu burger.”

 

Long moments passed in silence as we waited for the elevator, Mikey staring at me the whole time. It started to get a little uncomfortable actually. Fortunately the elevator arrived, and snapped Mikey out of it. Unfortunately, it prompted him to start asking more questions.

 

On one hand, I like Mikey’s questions because they tend to point out flaws in my disguise that I need to account for. On the other hand, Mikey is too perceptive sometimes, and he often comes dangerously close to asking questions I never want to have to answer. It’s good that I’ve been getting so much practice at diverting attention from the main topic of conversation. I’d hate to have to kill him.

 

Finishing our elevator ride (during which I let him know that yes I can turn off my pain receptors, and no I’m not a ‘masochist’), I led him down the halls to my apartment. We passed other residents and dodged playing children, while I explained to him that pain receptors are an important combat tool, and that turning them off is a bad idea.

 

“True enough I guess, but if you aren’t fighting anyone, and your hands are already on fire, wouldn’t that be a good time to turn them off?” pointed out Mikey.

 

“Uh…” Admittedly I couldn’t think of a counter argument to that logic. It just hadn’t occurred to me to turn them off. Pain was just another sense before I got Human.exe, and afterwards… well I guess I was just used to it by then. There were a lot of tests back at the lab. And besides, I wasn’t going to let some pain get between me and learning to cook tofu burgers.

 

We arrived at my apartment, and I let us in. I was glad to find that the annoying alarm had finally shut itself off, although the apartment still smelled a bit like smoke.

 

“Whoa dude. Crack a window or something.”

 

Okay, maybe a lot like smoke.

 

Mikey headed to the kitchen corner as I opened the window again. Then he pulled out a pan from the bag he brought, and surprisingly a lot of other items. A stack of paper plates, plastic sporks like the ones at the school cafeteria, and some napkins.

 

“Man, I’m glad I brought plates. You said you moved in recently, but its pretty bare bones in here. Haven’t moved your stuff in yet?”

“I didn’t have anything to move. I keep all my stuff with me.”

 

Mikey gave me the same type of look that Sandra did when she found out I was homeless. Then he turned back to the supplies and busied himself organizing them.

 

“Sooo… did you know some of the other minions have a betting pool about you?” asked Mikey.

“What about?”

“On where you’re from.”

 

Uh oh.

 

I tried to divert the question; “…They want to know the sector?”

“Pft, no dude. They’re betting on how you joined the masked life. It’s kinda obvious you’re used to this kind of thing, no one is this casual about hanging around so many supers and criminals. Like, if you were trying to hide it you weren’t doing a very good job,” he finished putting the ingredients and supplies in order, then turned to me, “Right now the top bet is that you’re a villain’s kid.”

Relief. They were quite a bit off in their guess. “That’s a poor bet. Powers aren’t hereditary as far as I’m aware.”

“That’s what I said, although Tedic is convinced. Mind giving me the insider info? The pool’s pretty high now.”

“Um…”

Mikey smirked and raised his hand in a stop gesture, “Say no more. Anyways here, let me show you how to make a burger sans self-immolation.”

 

Mikey proceeded to cook two tofu patties from start to finish. It seemed rather simple, although I found it somewhat distressing that he didn’t follow a recipe. He even added some ingredients that weren’t mentioned in any of the recipes I found. He asserted that cooking was an art form, and it takes practice to find your own style. This part I understood completely, it was similar to martial arts, and developing a combat style that suited your abilities.

 

Mikey’s burgers were not like Maggie’s, however they were still tasty. I cooked the rest of the patties I had bought, some with Mikey’s method, some with the recipe, and some with a few modifications I thought might be nice (Mikey hypocritically criticising my use of extra sugar on these patties). We sat and ate once I was done, and for once Mikey actually put down a decent amount, eating at least a third of what I did.

 

Mikey finished his last burger, burped, and leaned against the kitchen counter. “Man, didn’t really realize how hungry I was until the smell hit me.”

“Well you didn’t eat any lunch after all. You should really eat more.”

“You sound like my grandma,” Mikey chuckled.

“I’m serious. You never know when something is going to happen. You wouldn’t want to be low on energy when it does.”

“Pft, if I stuffed myself like you do I’d be too bloated to run. Although I will admit that I didn’t expect just how much crap happens while on the job. Can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. That job with the explosion was barely on Sunday, but it feels like it happened last year or something.”

“Maybe your internal timescale is faulty?”

“No you doof. It’s just so much crazy stuff,” he sighed and let his head fall back, “I’m starting to think this job might be a bit more than I can chew.”

“Uh, take smaller bites?”

Mikey rolls his eyes, “I mean this job might be more than I can handle. I’m really grateful you helped me get it, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve been thinking about quitting.”

“Have you been at risk of dying?”

“What? No. But we’ve had quite a few close calls with the heroes dude. Turbo was Sunday, Brick today, and you’ve even had it out with Magenta. You’ve basically had run-ins with all three of E13’s heroes in a four day span! That’s nuts!”

“I’ve also met three of E12’s heroes.”

“See? I figured heroes would show up eventually, but this often is just ridiculous! We’ll never make it through Odd Summer without being arrested.”

“It didn’t seem that bad when they brought me to the station in E12 though. We were only there a few hours and I even got to eat donuts.”

“Dude, that barely even counts, that wasn’t a real arrest. And no offense, but you have powers and I don’t. I doubt Hellion’s lawyers will be quite as prompt when they are just trying to get some grunts released. If I get pinched I’m basically on my own.”

“I’ll try to help you.”

He rolled his eyes, but muttered, “Thanks.”

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

I considered his concerns. We had indeed been running into supers on a regular basis, but I had thought this was the norm, especially considering the job description. It matched my experiences after escaping the lab at least. Plus the heroes wouldn’t even try to kill you, only villains, vigilantes, and monsters tried to do that. Other villains were mostly intimidated by Hellion, vigilantes were rare, and monsters were a risk no matter what you did.

 

To be fair, getting arrested was probably a much larger concern for Mikey than for myself. I had no social position to defend, and my own abilities would likely facilitate an escape even without outside help. Hellion’s Henchmen didn’t strike me as the type of organization to go back on it’s word, but if they did indeed withdraw lawyer support Mikey would be at far more risk than myself.

 

“You have a point. It might be smart to quit now.”

Mikey seemed a bit surprised by my sudden proclamation, “You think so? I sorta thought you were rather gung-ho about this.”

“Well, for me this job is perfect. It’s proven quite profitable, and the benefits counteract my biggest concerns, but your situation is different. You have to measure the risk versus reward.”

He grit his teeth, “Yeah, that’s probably why I’m so torn on this. The pay is good. A few more jobs like the last one and I’ll have the entire first year paid for, not just a single semester. But if I get pinned even once…”

 

Hmm, a possibility for great return, but with a chance of complete disaster. Personally I would never take such a gamble, but I didn’t know many jobs that would give the necessary payout for this college advancement Mikey was set on.

 

“Would a job with the heroes be a better fit for you perhaps?”

Mikey scoffed, “Central only takes people with powers dude, and the non-hero positions are basically fought over tooth-and-nail. I’d be laughed at for trying.”

 

Hmm, that was indeed a problem. Mikey had little in the way of combat skills. Maybe if he trained with Adder more often he would be able to fight ‘tooth-and-nail’ before summer ends. I’d have to make sure he doesn’t miss any sessions though.

 

We cleaned up the kitchen supplies (Mikey letting me keep the utensils and pan), and were getting ready to go to the elevator, when the ‘doorbell’ rang.

 

“Expecting anyone?” asked Mikey.

“No, but it might be one of the neighbors again.”

 

And a threat wouldn’t use the doorbell anyway. I checked through the ‘peephole’ (a clever little device, I was glad they were standard), but it was only Cindy. I opened the door to see what she wanted.

 

“Hello Cindy,” I greeted.

 

She blinked as the air from my apartment hit her, and took a few sniffs. Admittedly it still smelled quite smokey despite the open window. Surprisingly, when she spoke, her voice was not nearly as raspy as I was accustomed to.

 

“Tofu. You having fire trouble?”

“No, just trying to learn cooking. Some of the results got burnt.”