Ch52 Mystery Meat Machine

 

Nicole and I made it back to base after a short hunt in the sewers. We weren’t very successful, likely because the nessies had claimed the area in a several mile radius and scraped the walls clean. Still, walking and talking seemed to cheer Nicole up, enough so that she wasn’t completely adverse to what Mikey and Cindy had in store.

 

We were going on an outing.

 

“I don’t know about this guys.”

“It’ll be fine, Nicole. We won’t go anywhere you aren’t comfortable with,” replied Cindy. I could tell she was quite confident in her plan, as she’d already changed her voice using her inhaler in preparation.

“Still, wasn’t there that lockdown? Wouldn’t it be safer to stay in for a while?”

“I think we’ll be fine,” said Mikey. “The super vampire is dead, and Tofu handled the smaller ones fine.”

“Oh, I’d heard about that from… Wait, you were there?”

“Yeah, we were in E12 for a job yesterday and got caught up in it. Didn’t you tell her, Tofu? While you were out, uh, hunting?” he said, turning to me.

“He didn’t!” said Nicole, giving me an exasperated look. “We talked about waffle irons and brunch history the entire time.”

 

I shrugged, to which everyone rolled their eyes.

 

“Anyways,” continued Cindy, “That’s exactly why now is the perfect time to go out if we don’t want to run into a lot of people. No one’s going to want to be out after sundown when there was a lockdown caused by vampires.”

“I guess… okay, let’s do it.”

“Woo!” whooped Mikey, pumping his hand in the air. “Finally get to use my license for something that isn’t a getaway.”

 

We headed for the garage, where Cindy and Mikey had reserved a large van ahead of time. It took a bit of finagling, but Nicole managed to fit into the rear compartment. It was a good thing we were doing this now, as Nicole probably wouldn’t fit with another few days of growth. If I couldn’t shift my own organs around, it might have been very uncomfortable sitting beside her.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright sitting like that, Tofu?” asked Nicole. “You look a bit, uh, cramped.”

“I’m fine, Nicole.”

“So, where are we headed anyways?” asked Mikey. “Did you hash anything out with Tofu?”

“Oh, I’m okay with anywhere… uh, except the zoo. Sorry, Tofu, I’d rather not go there.”

“The zoo?” questioned Mikey. He and Cindy both turned questioning looks towards me.

“Lucas recommended it.”

“Tofu, Lucas is a little kid,” said Cindy. “Of course he’d want to go to the zoo.”

“But, I made sure to research it online. See? It even has baseline animals from before the first Odd Summer.” I held up my phone with the website advertisement displayed.

“Dude, trust me. Even for E13 that zoo is a complete junk pile,” said Mikey. “The animatronics barely worked even back when I was a kid, and I doubt they’ve fixed them up since.”

“Animatronics?”

“Uh, like the robots and stuff?”

“Robots?”

“…Tofu, they don’t have real animals at the zoo. It’s all machines and holograms and stuff that are supposed to look like the animals.”

“But the website said…”

“It’s just advertising, dude. They do that to get the, ahem, kids excited.”

“Oh…”

 

The internet lied to me.

 

*cough* “Well, how about we just get on the road and decide from there?” Mikey said, as he started the van.

“Maybe you can go there later, Tofu?” offered Nicole.

“That’s okay, there isn’t any value in observing fake animals.”

“Aw, it’s not that bad. There are better zoos in other sectors if you really want to see them.”

“There are? With animals? Would you want to go to one of those instead?”

“Er, no, no real animals. Even if there were, I’m afraid my time at Tartarus kinda soured me on the concept of animals in cages.”

“They sent you to Tartarus!?” interjected Cindy.

“What’s Tartarus?” I asked.

“It’s a detention center where they lock up category four mutants. I can’t believe they’d send you there, Nicole!”

“It was the only place I could go to get the resources I needed after my mutation. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go,” Nicole shrugged. Then she frowned. “Although, they definitely didn’t seem too keen on letting me leave. I checked myself out after one of the, uh, permanent residents caused a commotion.”

“Those assholes,” spat Cindy.

 

Tartarus added to priority list.

 

I might need to pay a visit there later. It definitely sounded interesting. More than the fake robot zoo at least.

 

Mikey drove the van towards the garage exit ramp while Cindy and Nicole discussed alternate places to go. But, before we could leave, a figure in a mask I didn’t recognize came out of the stairwell and ran towards us, waving their arms frantically and nearly tripping over several pieces of equipment.

 

“Oh no,” muttered Cindy. “Um, hold up for a sec, Mikey. That’s Murphy, one of mo-, er, Hellion’s acquaintances. We should see what she has to say.”

 

Mikey halted the van, and Murphy nearly collapsed as she reached the side window. She was a thin human in a tracksuit, and she wore a strange white mask that mimicked a person’s face. It was inscribed with mathematical formulas. To my surprise, I was able to recognize and understand all of the represented math. Normally, when I looked at higher level mathematics there was always an included formula or two that threw a logic error. Not this time.

 

“Wait,” *gasp* “Cindy, you-” *gasp*cough* “-slow down… fuck, my head.”

“Deep breaths, Murphy, we’ll wait. Is something bad going to happen? I haven’t seen you in months,” said Cindy.

“Not how it works,” gasped Murphy. Slowly, her fitful breathing subsided, although it seemed her head was troubling her quite a bit. She kept moving her mask to clutch at her temple.

“Woo, thought I wasn’t going to be able to catch you,” said Murphy. She pulled her mask properly into place, and stood up straight. “Now then, my name is Murphy, owner and operator of the Red Dragon Casino and subsidiaries. And you must be Cindy’s friends? Mention her for a two- no, five percent discount on your first chip exchange over ten K… Sooo, you all were headed out somewhere?”

“Oh no. Is something bad really going to happen?” asked Cindy.

“Nice to see you too,” responded Murphy, flicking Cindy’s forehead. “And no. I was doing some work for Hellion yesterday and was in the area, so I thought I’d offer my services to any interested parties.”

“Oh. Thanks, I guess, but doesn’t that usually cost a lot?” asked Cindy, rubbing her forehead with a slight frown.

“Usually… but this one’s a cheapo.”

“Um, excuse me, but what exactly are we talking about?” asked Mikey.

“Murphy can sense and control luck,” answered Cindy.

“Oh please, Cindy, you make it sound so banal. We’re talking about the karmic scales, the grand roulette, the universal math, happenstance and divine providence, and if you want, I can be your guide down the path to the biggest payout,” responded Murphy, sweeping her arms in grand gestures and ending with a pose. I wondered if she and Trebla knew each other.

“You pay money for luck, Murphy,” Cindy deadpanned.

“You used to run around my casino in your underwear.”

“HEY! No I- I was only two years old!” said Cindy, her ears turning red as she threw glances at us.

“Annnyways. Theatrics aside, I noticed you all heading out to cause teenage trouble right after the next sector over had a small vampire apocalypse and thought, ‘hey, why not make sure Cindy’s mom doesn’t have a heart attack’. Real cheap too, a bargain barrel price.”

Cindy narrowed her eyes at Murphy. “Okay… and how much would that be?”

“Say, oh I dunno, about ten K.”

“What!?”

“Per person.”

“Oh, come on! We were just gonna get some food and go to a drive-through movie or something! Was it going to go that badly?”

“How would I know? I don’t see the future, Cindy, but I do see odds, and a van full of people of interest to law enforcement tends to stack them against you. Heck, this guy here still has his minion helmet on,” she said, pointing at me.

“I was going to take it off…”

 

Murphy tilted her head at Cindy.

 

“Ugh, fine! We’ll pay it.”

“Cindy, I don’t have that kind of money,” said Nicole.

“I’ll cover you guys, don’t worry.”

“What?! I can’t ask you for that!”

“I’m with Nicole, that’s way too much,” replied Mikey.

“How about one hundred thousand per person, Murphy?” I asked.

 

The conversation abruptly halted, and everyone turned their heads to me.

 

“What? It stands to reason that if we can buy luck, we should buy as much as possible. I can cover it.”

“Oh-ho, it seems we have a big spender here,” said Murphy, rubbing her hands together.

“A hundred thousand…” muttered Mikey.

“Tofu, you can’t!” protested Nicole.

“Tofu, how do you even have that much money?” asked Cindy.

“Hazard pay. And Hellion had a bounty on the rat-stitcher. I’ve been stockpiling what I earn.”

“Tofu, that’s way too much just for this,” said Nicole, while pulling on her ponytail.

“Is it? Like Murphy said, most of us are wanted by the authorities, and they will likely be on alert after the lockdown. If using money can guarantee a safe outing, then it seems worthwhile.”

“But four hundred thousand?!”

“Alright, alright everyone, quiet down, you’re aggravating my headache,” said Murphy. She tapped her finger against the lips of her mask. “I can see that money is an issue, so how about a little trade instead. I’ve got a little job that requires a professional touch, and you happen to be professionally employed. How about you help me out, and it’ll be worth the price of making sure your little joyride goes well. Deal?”

 

We exchanged glances before Cindy turned back to Murphy.

 

“Saying it is… what do you want us to do?”

 

---

 

The first thing Murphy wanted us to do was drive her to a pharmacy to pick up more pain relief medicine for her headache. The second thing? Well, it seemed we would be going to the museum today.

 

“You want us to rob a museum?” asked Nicole, incredulously.

“Not rob. Burglarize,” clarified Murphy.

“That’s hardly better!”

“What’s it matter? You’re a minion. It’s just some light theft.”

“I’m a mechanic! I wasn’t hired for this!”

“You work for HH, I’m sure some of it has rubbed off on you. You’ll be finnne. It’ll be like riding a bicycle.”

 

Nicole glared, and waved a hand at her legs. All two dozen of them.

 

*cough* “Right. Well regardless, without you the odds of this going off without a hitch drop dramatically. Sure you want to let your friends go without you?”

“Murphy! Don’t guilt trip her! ” said Cindy. “Nicole didn’t sign up for minion work. If she doesn’t feel comfortable, she doesn’t have to go.”

“…I’ll go.”

“Nicole, you really don’t have to. We can handle this.”

“It’s fine. I just need to turn off the alarms, right? I’ve got one of Socket’s kits, so it should be simple enough…”

“That’s the spirit,” said Murphy, “and don’t forget your mask.” She held out a black domino mask to Nicole.

“You’re joking.”

“Them’s the rules.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

 

Nicole snatched the mask from Murphy, then began the careful task of extricating herself from the van. With Murphy riding along it had been a very tight fit. Myself, I started unloading the rest of Nicole’s ‘disguise’ from the supplies we’d brought with us. Nicole’s hesitance about this endeavor was understandable, as she had been mistaken for a category four mutation multiple times in the past, and humans tended to respond unpredictably when confronted with the more drastic mutations. An encounter with law enforcement, or worse, private citizens with illegal firearms, could go badly. To that end, I’d procured some additional deterrent to avoid mix-ups.

Namely, twenty-eight armbands for Nicole to wear. Four for her arms and claws, and twenty-four for each of her legs.

 

“I feel ridiculous.”

“I think it looks fine, but more importantly it is safer. No one will be able to claim ignorance in the event of an altercation this way. Have you thought of a code name?”

Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

“I think I’ll be fine as Nicole.”

“Hey, that means you can join the real-name club with me and Tofu,” joked Mikey. He extended his fist for a bump, to which Nicole gave a half-hearted smirk and returned the fist bump. Then Mikey turned to Cindy. “Speaking of which, did you want us to call you Ifrit, or did you have something else since you’re wearing a domino mask?”

“What?”

“Uh, well did you want us to use your real name too or… Oh! Shit! Were you trying to keep that under wraps? I thought Tofu and Nicole already knew, uh…”

Cindy shook her head. “No no, they already knew. I wasn’t really trying to hide it. It’s just, good policy to try and keep work and home life separate, y’know?”

Mikey let out a sigh of relief. “I get that. So…”

“Eh, I guess for today I’m joining the real name club,” Cindy said, with a grin.

“Right on.”

“Hey! Loyal minions!” called Murphy from the van. “Get a move on, nighttime’s burning!”

 

Cindy rolled her eyes, but all of us finished up grabbing our equipment for tonight and started heading across the parking lot to the museum.

 

“Anyone else feel like maybe we were bamboozled?” said Mikey.

“Yeah, that’s definitely a possibility,” said Cindy with a sigh, “but Murphy… she tends to see important things. She once called my mom to tell her to throw a box of donuts out the window. It turned out the donuts had been laced with C4 by an HH competitor, and then they landed on Kandor who happened to be patrolling outside. The heroes wound up going after that guy over the incident. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if her entire offer was all a ruse to get us out here.”

“Oof, office life in the supervillain sector, am I right?”

“Right…”

“Anyways, I think that’s the administration building over there?” Mikey pointed across the parking lot, and we headed towards the building.