Chapter 10- What Fortune Gathers

Tian controlled the urge to make tea. No need to torment her with reminders of the illusion. If there were right words to say, he didn’t know them. What a strange thing to be helpless in the face of- the fear of causing someone else’s pain in the future. Anxiety. The yang to his depressive yin. Liren knew all the things he would tell her, and it didn’t matter. Not just now.

A thought connected. She had been working for the disciplinary squad before Burning Heaven collected them, drafting revisions to the disciplinary code. If that process went anything like the way the meeting in the Hall of Harmony had, she had to be feeling frustrated and hopeless. It was a problem she definitionally couldn’t punch her way through. Guilt over her family, frustration at reforming the sect, a growing sense of anger and helplessness- he could guess the crack in her heart Mourning Cry attacked.

“How are the revisions to the disciplinary code coming?” He asked.

She stared at him uncomprehendingly for a moment, then snorted. “What revisions? Martial Aunt Yi demands powerful reforms, then anyone who proposes a change is scolded half to death. Then the next day she slams her books on the table and demands to know why we haven’t made any progress.”

“That would drive me crazy in a hurry.” Tian shook his head.

“Oh you have no idea. Remember I told you about the ‘Incident?’”

“The fight that broke out over changing the requirement for disciplinary squad members being hereditary disciples? Slightly.” It had been mentioned once over dinner. Both had just rolled their eyes at the impossible idiocy of it all, and moved on to important topics like which wild mushroom tasted best.

“Well, it came up again a few more times. The problem was, and still somewhat is, that all the people working on the revision were Disciplinary Squad members, and someone, don’t know who or if their surname was Wang, pointed out that ‘Asking the dogs to guard the meat didn’t work last time, so why would it work now?’”

“Ah.” He could decipher that particular metaphor. Tian could imagine the high red on the neck of the various seniors hearing that particular line, but what could they say? It was plainly true. It wouldn’t be surprising if the Heavenly People were murmuring the same things amongst themselves. Having it said publicly by juniors was a different matter.

“I don’t have the inside story, but from what I have seen? Nobody thought that deeply about asking the Disciplinary Squad to review the sect rules. Who else would do it?” Liren couldn’t even muster a sardonic grin. “Not like there are a lot of spare hands to help, and it does require training. Writing regulations is harder than you would think. Lots and lots of unintended consequences to consider.”

“But there is a big difference between the Disciplinary Squad choosing to open up the rule making to people outside the Squad, and being forced to.” Tian concluded. “So she’s digging in her heels, stressed that she’s not producing results and furious at being forced to make changes that should have been put into place by her predecessors centuries ago.”

Liren nodded. “Feeling blamed for every bad thing the Squad ever did, and by extension, the discipline failures of the whole sect.”

Tian could more or less imagine it. “And now you are feeling guilty and frustrated.”

“En.” Liren buried her face in her hands. “Wanting to lash out.”

“But you are keeping control of it.”

“For now.”

Tian sighed, inhaled, exhaled, and began to cultivate.

“Are you cultivating right now?!”

“Yes?”

“Right now?”

“You are going to be feeling like crap for a long while, and I’m not going anywhere. Would you prefer I read a book?”

“Tian Zihao, is this your idea of making me feel better?”

“No, this is my idea of cultivating. Why aren’t you cultivating?”

“Does this seem like the time for cultivating?”

“Yes. You are surrounded by cultivating birds. You have returned to your ancestors. If not now, then when? Besides, while our hosts are clearly doing something to moderate the qi around the pavilion, it is freakishly dense. I’m amazed it hasn’t condensed into a visible mist.”

The bickering was rote, neither really putting their heart into it. Liren was eventually cajoled into cultivating, though she couldn’t be needled into sitting on the bed next to him. They cultivated from late afternoon until dawn the next day, watching the sun come up through the open door.

“Juniors from the Ancient Crane Monastery, come forth. The Grandmaster will receive you now.”

The voice was soft and abidingly strong. They stood and bowed in the direction it came from, trusting that they would be seen. Liren caught Tian’s eyes. Still haunted, still guilt stricken. But he could see gratitude too. Words, some mighty declaration, some moving thing that would be just the right thing to say and make everything better, pressed against the back of his teeth but never quite escaped.

Even in the privacy of his own head, he thought they sounded pretentious and fake. Liren deserved better than that. He deserved better than that. If Liren ever did raise a hand to him, he didn’t know what he would be like. The sheer betrayal was almost incomprehensible. What he did know is that she would never have a chance to apologize. He couldn’t ever imagine killing her, but no force in the world would compel him to stay in the same country with her either.

“I don’t suppose you have any advice, Grandpa?”

Loads. This doesn’t have a right answer. Being calm and present is a good start. Letting her do things that feel like she is progressing towards her goals, things that give her a feeling of power and agency, are also good. Relax a little. She’s in a bad way, but you are where you should be, doing what you should be.

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