Chapter 36- Negotiations with a Tough Toad

Tian had a suspicion. The rock the toad clung to was mottled with blue and green. Some of that was algae from the river, but he would be beaten to death before he believed an obviously magical toad was sitting on any old rock while a predator like the adder was in the area.

“I’ve eaten toads before. Some of you are really good eating. Some of you are poisonous, which is even better for me.” Tian kept his voice conversational. The toad didn’t react much. Maybe it got a little lower on the stone, and clung a little harder.

Bulging red eyes met his. There was something communicated there. A desperate desire to live. And to not leave this rock. But also to live. But the rock thing was non-negotiable.

“Do you know how long I have been hunting my own food? It’s no use looking at me that way. Look at the crane- she’s ripping up the snake I was going to have for dinner. Now what am I supposed to do?”

The red eyes stared into his, reaching across the boundaries of species. The big dipper on the toad’s back throbbed with a shared sense of, not humanity, but the commonality of all living things. Beings who bear the pains of connection and experience. Two beings, blinded by the five colors, deafened by the eight tones, lost to the sensual illusions of the world, yet don’t we all strive? Don’t we cry for meaning, from the depths of our so-different hearts? And also for big rocks in the middle of streams?

“Not going to lie, I also want the rock.”

The toad lowered its eyes, sprawling bonelessly on the river stone. “So be it, then,” he seemed to say. “In this life, I have known joy and suffering. I have hunted and been the hunter. Even without a leg, I kept my dignity, and also my big rock. If this is how this life should end, I will accept it. But know that in my next life, I shall rise again!”

Tian had never been sentimental over his food. He always killed cleanly, quickly, and without the faintest shred of regret. The rope dart was coiled in his sleeve, ready to leap into action. And yet.

“Damn you. Look. I can let you live, but I need the rock. Meet me half way here, and give it to me.”

The toad looked up, clenching its muscles. Its eyes blazed. Tian could hear the toad’s brassy croak in his heart- “You can kill me, but never humiliate me! Come then, try to take my big rock if you dare. In three years, I’ll be a good toad once more!”

“Old Toad, you think I don’t dare? You think I’m easy to bully just because I’m not eating you? I said I’m taking that rock so I am taking that rock, and if I’m taking your corpse too, then it’s a double profit!” Tian sat cross legged and slapped his knee.

The toad shoved itself up on its good front legs, resting its rear leg below it. A brassy croak rang out, then two more.

“Old Toad, why do you even want that rock? There are other rocks. Hell, I can give you a rock!”

The toad glared back at him, as though it was asking him the same question.

“My dao companion… eh, mate? Wants shiny rocks. You have the shiny rock. You see my problem here?”

The toad didn’t budge an inch. There were any number of shiny rocks in the world, but this rock, this rock right here, was his. His, and his alone. Upon this rock the faith of a toad was built. Upon this rock, an eight layer pagoda of amphibian righteousness had been raised. Yet this interloper, this strange being with white hair and a lion’s mouth and the guts of a leopard wished to topple all that righteousness for mere… what? Covetousness? A love of glittering light upon base matter?

The toad slapped its front foot on the stone with a definitive thwap.

Such a thing was nothing less than Hell. It was the manifestation of a being trapped in illusion and suffering.

The toad puffed itself up and croaked slowly.

“So be it. If Hell was empty, there would be no need for toads. If a toad will not descend to Hell, then who will?”

Tian started sweating. This toad was too much. He couldn’t tell at the beginning, but he was feeling it now. There was an aura about it. Great fortune gathered on this toad. This was a toad with a foundation.

If he couldn’t bring himself to use violence, then he must win with reason. Yet the toad was impervious to reason. No, worse than that, Tian felt that with its wordless means, the amphibian had seized the moral high ground. Be it in martial arts or literature, he was losing to the toad. A toad that remained still, and spoke without speaking.

Tian shook. Enlightenment filled him like the ringing of a temple bell. If he could not move the toad, the toad must move itself.

“Old Toad, I feel like we have begun on the wrong foo… we haven’t been straightforward with each other. I want that stone, you want that stone, we are both people with a bottom line. But have you considered there may be other things that please you beyond that stone?”

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The toad looked away, unwilling to entertain the ravings of a madman.

“I have rings and rings of things. Whole wagonloads of good stuff. Like… cabbage? Do you like cabbage?”

The toad didn’t even glance in his direction.