Chapter 16- The Human Vessel is Empty

“Zihao, you have said that there is no eternity for you without me. Which is romantic as hell, don’t get me wrong, but as a practical matter, what does that mean?”

Tian looked out over the rough garden surrounding the guest house. “Garden” was about all he could call it, other than maybe “clearing” or even just “cleared land.” The Holy Land’s commitment to pruning away any stray piece of thought or meaning that might leak into the guest quarters was impressively complete. Even the building itself was a copy of a building in the Monastery. It was a bit like floating in a void, where the only thing you could look at was you.

After a few moments, he hummed and said “I don’t know.”

Liren remained silent. Tian could practically hear her tapping her mental foot and waving her mental hand, demanding he elaborate.

“I really don’t. I just know it. I knew I had some kind of feelings for you since a bit before we ate the Heartsear fruit, and I have considered you my life and death sister since the Wasteland.”

The words stopped for a minute, the two of them just coasting through the emptiness.

“Do you ever really think about the things we study? I mean really think about them?” Tian asked.

“Yes? What kind of question is that?”

“An important one.” Tian waved his hands around like he was trying to mold something. “Think about how we talk about the dao. The dao is a path, and a destination. It is everything around us, but also a part of us, and also how we live our lives. We spend all this time scurrying around, adventuring, killing bandits, fighting heretics, and we are told it’s an unfortunate, but necessary, distraction from what really matters- sitting around doing nothing.”

“At least in the Earthly Realm. Where are you going with this?”

“The dao is our beginning and our end, and the line that connects both points. In fact, it’s not a line but a circle, every life repeating. It’s the sheer scope of it all, Liren. We are part of a single, unified thing called the Dao, something that is, and is happening, everywhere, all the time, forever. Something so huge, we can’t see it. Something so enormous, we feel like we are floating in a void. We have to think of nothingness, because the only way we can conceive of everything is by a double negative. The dao is a nothingness so profound, it doesn’t permit the existence of nothingness, which makes everything necessary. We can’t see the beauty we are part of. Only what we lack. We see ourselves as holes in the emptiness of the dao.”

Silence settled in around them for a moment longer, but for once, it was Tian who couldn’t keep still. He stood, stretching one hand up towards the seemingly infinite blue, reaching for the faint moon still visible in the daytime sky.

“And I was born in the West Town Dump, age six and afraid. Afraid to be caught out in the open. Afraid of the things I was sheltering under collapsing on me. Afraid what I was going to eat would make me sick and afraid of going hungry. Afraid of being alone forever, and afraid of being found by those cruel animals called humans.”

He looked back over his shoulder at Liren, and smiled like the moon rising. “I’m so much braver now. So much stronger. But I still can’t face that big empty by myself. I need someone who can fly with me, for me to be able to fly.”

Liren had her face buried in her hands. He could see the blush around her fingers.

“How about you?” Tian asked.

There was a startled moment. Then, muffled, between fingers, “What?”

“How about you? You don’t go in for the big declarations, but you agreed we were dao companions and, not to be too egotistical, but looking back on things I can see you felt some kind of way about me for years before we said anything-”

“It wasn’t years!” Liren yelped, looking up with wide eyes, then groaned and buried her face in her hands again. “You can’t just ask that.”

“I can. You did, so why not me?”

“Because you don’t mind getting naked, and it freaks me out!”

“You are completely-”

“Emotionally and physically! You… excessively literal person!”

Tian just grinned and waited. Liren wasn’t the only one who could use a pointed silence.

“Damn you. It was in stages. I trusted you with my life, and you were easy company. Then… then you got pretty. Which left me with some confused feelings, and let me tell you, I do get urges and have done for YEARS. And…”