Chapter 24- The Door of Contradiction

Tian didn’t watch the others cross. He sat on the ground, casually crossing his legs under him and cradling the pinecone. He felt an immense quiet, and like the null chamber in the Six Turns Cavern, it forced him to confront himself.

“I have spent so long worrying about excess yin, without asking myself why I should care. Yes, balance is needed for health, and right now, I have a medically insufficient flow of yang, but… so what? Once it is healed, once I am back to normal, should I keep struggling for more yang natural treasures? Would that bring me even one step closer to immortality?

No. No it would not. Immortality comes through accumulation and revelation. Strengthening my yang would strengthen my foundation, worthwhile for sure, but that’s it. And that’s not enough to drive me. So what is it that made me obsess over it for years now?

My brothers are the first thing that comes to mind. They were all I really could compare myself to. Tall, thickly muscled, laughing loudly and moving boldly across open spaces while I crouched in shadows and silently watched. I learned how to use a rope dart, because I could use it to hunt, to rig a tent, to run away. To grab things that my hands couldn’t hold. A hidden weapon, for a hiding boy.

I know there are Sisters interested in me romantically. I pretend not to see, smile and stay polite. Running from their feelings, and running from their dislike of me when I tell them I’m not interested. I have been cruel to Daoist Shu. I was unwilling to bear the pain of her disappointment and dislike, so instead I have caused her a greater pain. One I can no longer fix, or even mitigate.

Running away from an honest conversation with Dad, because I am afraid of losing him, and losing what we have. What he means to me. Running away from my name, any of my names. Running and hiding from the Dead Boy, and his birth family, and the weight of all this expectation. Hiding in my little cave or on my boat with my good sister.

Hiding from… from…”

Tian felt himself teetering on the edge of a truth he was hiding from himself. The fall was terrifying.

“Hiding from what I feel for Liren. Whatever it is. And hiding from what she feels for me. Whatever that is. I… haven’t been paying attention to her properly. Not like I should be. Not like someone part of… whatever we are. Dad had a name for it.

Dao companions. I wonder what those words will mean for us. I won’t rush it, though. This is worth experiencing properly, thinking about properly, caring about properly. So long as I don’t hesitate. So long as I have the courage to step into the flow.”

Then, seemingly irrelevantly, a thought intruded.

“I wonder if Liren likes short men? She’s never said anything about that, either.”

Tian gently touched his heart. For the first time in months, it felt warm.

Liren was the last to cross the river. She had been stuck on the river bank, staring at Tian’s back as he meditated. She had seen how he did it, but doing it was an altogether different problem. When she came out of the river, she was shaking but smiling. Tian met her with a smile of his own, which stopped her dead on the riverbank.

“What… what are you smiling about?”

“Sister was afraid she wasn’t yin enough. Now she knows she is. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

Liren rubbed the back of her neck. “I am, am I? I guess that makes you yang enough.”

“Nah.”

“Eh?”

“I really do need more yang in me, but I will always be a bit more yin than others. No idea why. Maybe I will figure it out on this trip. Is that something you can accept?”

Liren was finding the surrounding forest fascinating, as she kept looking everywhere but at Tian. “I never minded that at all. Not even once.”

“Not even once?” Tian asked.

“Well. Maybe once.”

“Possibly twice?”

“It could be as many as three times, though I doubt it could be more than four.” She admitted. Tian grinned.

“I’ll just have to improve. Look at what I got.” He showed her the pinecone.

“I saw that! It just fell in your hand. Are there more pinecones up there?”

“Not that I can see. Do you see anything?”

“No. It must be a reward for the first to cross the river. Did you notice the trees are different on this side of the river?” Liren asked. “Still made of stone, but now they are pines and firs.”

“I hadn’t.” Tian shook his head and looked around. The air was cooler on this side of the river. The thin needles swayed and brushed against each other, the sound a peculiar mix of whispering wind, clattering stone, and almost metallic chiming. He hunted for the source of the sound, and found a tree with long needles. Even a light breeze was enough to make them sway and dance, and they brushed against each other almost constantly.

Individually, the sounds of each needle were almost unnoticeable, but when a whole tree rang, it made the music of the forest come alive. Immortal trees made of stone, but still scattering seeds. Still swaying to the breath of the dao. Liren came and stood next to Tian, letting the music dance around them, wrapping them up in a song of an eternal life.

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It was an immortal moment; Tian and Liren lived an eternity in an instant, standing on the riverbank, washed in the magic of the world.

There was a crunching noise behind them. “Husband, more.”

Tian looked back. Sister Su was dipping her hand into a bag of fried breadsticks held by Brother Wang. Sis Lin was munching her own breadstick. The three of them were looking at him. Well, him and Liren.

“Ah, youth.” Brother Wang sighed.

“Indeed. Youth.” Lin nodded.

Sister Su didn’t comment. She ate another breadstick instead.