Chapter 29- Making Friends With Your Fists

“Ancient Crane Monastery comes forth! Who dares bar our passage?!” Elder Feng’s voice thundered across the rocky plain before the fortress, battered its gates and shook its defenders.

“Burning stones and burning hearts stand eternal! Prove you are worthy of them!” A warrior exploded from the top of the fortress, flying forward to land in a clash of smoking iron armor and plumes of flame.

“A mere iron pot! Come debate the dao with me, if you dare!” Elder Feng drew a long, slim sword, wreathed with azure wisps of cloud.

“Gladly!” The warrior pulled a halberd out and leapt into the air. Elder Feng thrust her blade forward and leapt after him. They vanished from sight in a single breath. A few seconds later, muffled thunder descended on the watching juniors.

Who waited.

And waited.

Tian leaned over to Brother Wang. “So do we just wait, or issue our own challenges, or what?”

“No idea.” The big man shrugged.

“You are doing the fighting this time.”

“Ah, I prefer-”

“Brother Wang? There is being low key and there is fucking with your sectmates. Right now, you are riding that line.” Tian calmly met Wang’s eyes. The big man looked deeply at him, then snorted.

“Fine. OOOI! You lot! I brought my nutcracker! Which one of you thinks his shell is hard enough to stop me?”

Brother Wang pulled out a polearm of a sort Tian had never seen before. A heavy hammer on one side of the shaft, a sharp, curving pick on the other, and a spearhead on top. It wasn’t the longest weapon, but Tian couldn’t imagine the armor that could stop it.

Wang found a sparring partner soon enough. Then Hong called out a warrior, and their spears met in a furious blaze. Sister Su flung a handful of darts straight up, hard enough that they vanished from sight. She then swung a small formation flag at a rocky outcrop. The darts descended, accelerating fast enough to leave a series of rumbling booms behind them. There was only fine gravel and dust left when the barrage stopped.

“I don’t spar.”

Nobody seemed to think less of her for it, for some reason. Tian silently approved. It showed a certain broadmindedness.

He was a bit screwed, though. His palm art could just about struggle through armor, but hitting them hard enough to kill them would just be murder, not sparring. He could bind them with Snake Head Vine Body, but these soldiers fought monsters. He’d bet they had a way to deal with enveloping attacks. He could go in with the head of the rope dart or Heavenly Swallows, but again, it kind of defeated the purpose. And he would only get one chance to use Heavenly Swallows.

Annoying. Everyone else was having a satisfying, manly battle, and here he was, stuck on the sidelines. He was getting set for a good grumping session, when a thought occurred. Soldiers. Armored manly warriors in a slap fight. He had focused on the ugly turtle in the Water Cavern, but… that stalactite hadn’t lost, had it?

“I have had some dumb ideas. This is definitely one of them.”

He pointed at the tallest man on the wall. “Come join me. I have a very annoying fight for you.”

“Boy, you are level six! Come fight me when you are level nine and a grown man!” That got laughs. Tian smiled kindly.

“Are you that scared of me that you need to beg me to pick someone else? The biggest man on the wall has the smallest guts. I’ve already learned something from this visit.”

The big man jumped down in a clatter of armor. “You dare? Report your name, dead boy!”

Tian remembered the script his brothers had given him ages ago. “From sunrise to sunset, my name doesn’t change. I am Ancient Crane Monastery West Town Outer Court Tian Zihao. And if you had any brains, you would be running by now!”

“Hrmph! Burning Stone Manor Ten Man Commander Xiong Ru comes forth!” The soldier drew a saber and a shield. Tian pulled out his rope dart and started it spinning.

“Before we really get stuck into it, let me just apologize in advance. If you talk it over with your brothers, meditate, maybe eat some cooling food, you will get over it with time.” Tian kept his voice soothing.

“Enough talk!” Xiong rushed in. Ho didn’t know what he was doing with a saber. Xiong did. The shield was like the fortress wall, with the saber sallying forth to kill, then retreating behind cover when danger appeared. Tian met the advance with a retreat, and the snaking vine of his rope dart. If the shield was a wall, the rope dart was a sapper company, undermining it, building ladders to cross over it, and generally being a lethal nuisance.

“Footwork’s off. You crossed yourself up there.” Tian helpfully noted. “Breathing’s off. You could have timed your breath and the swing together. Now your wrist is open!” The blunt side of the dart hammered down on the iron gauntlet. It wasn’t enough to make Xiong drop his saber, but he could see the dent in the metal he left behind. It would more than sting.

“Shut up and fight!”

“I am fighting. I just make it look easy. Are you sweating, Daoist Xiong? That armor looks very hot. Hot. Stuffy. Confining. Hard to see out of that iron helmet. Hard to hear. You have no idea what’s coming up behind you. Right now!”

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Xiong jumped to the side and hauled in his shield, head swinging wildly from side to side. Only to see Tian idly swinging the head of his dart around. “Was there something behind you Brother Xiong? I’ll confess, you are so big I couldn’t see it either.”

The soldier roared and rushed in. His saber was fast as fire racing down a mountain, every swing as heavy as a boulder. The soldier was well trained, and had long since unified the movement of vital energy with every blow. A fact Tian used against him ruthlessly. Every blow missed. Often by a hairs’ breadth, but it still missed. Any time Xiong looked like he was about to pause and rethink his approach, Tian goaded him. Sometimes with a stinging blow from the rope dart, often just with more “helpful” advice and observations.

A mortal would have died of exhaustion long, long before Xiong gave up trying to stab Tian. “Why won’t you fight me, damn you!”

“Because I’ve won. Look- you can’t fight a moment longer, and I haven’t broken a sweat.” Tian smiled. “I did warn you that I would be an annoying fight.”