TWO HUNDRED FORTY-ONE: Hopping II

 

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Elias’s Saturday Morning Show

Episode #473

“Alden Thorn”

Clip Begins At: 3m, 15s

Event Recorded: December 4, 2040

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“See?” said Morrison Waker, gesturing at the folding tables that filled a tiny parking lot. On one side of the lot, a grill and a smoker were manned by a figure almost as massive as Morrison’s own Big Snake form. The man turned away from brushing sauce on a line of spatchcocked chickens to dip his hand into a five-gallon bucket behind him and grab a giant pickle from the brine. “Told you I knew a romantic spot in Apex where we wouldn’t run into any students.”

“Good job on dodging the students,” said Lesedi Saleh, her tone amused as she took in the plastic lawn chair seating and the styrofoam cups in the hands of the few diners. She was still in the pantsuit she’d worn to work. “I like barbecue, too. It’s not the first food I associate with romance.”

“That’s because you haven’t noticed the tablecloths. Mitch put the Valentine’s Day ones on for us. And you haven’t seen me eat brisket. I get handsomer doing it.”

“Do you?” She chuckled, then stopped. “Hold on…do you actually intend to morph yourself handsomer while eating brisket?”

“Oh yeah.” Morrison was heading for the smoker. “Here come the huge ears and the mullet.”

 

[Time-lapse: 20m compressed to 5s

A shared brisket platter dwindles in size until only a few shreds of coleslaw are left.]

 

“How did your private tutoring session go this past weekend?” Lesedi asked, dropping a crumpled, greasy napkin onto a tablecloth covered in pink hearts and roses. “With Alden Thorn. You were so excited a student picked you…as if you thought none of them would.”

“They see me all the time. I was afraid I was borin’ compared to the non-faculty volunteers. We do have some impressive types lined up.” He took a long drink from his cup, then chewed some of the ice. “I liked teachin’ him. But do you know anything about what he was up to the other night when the ocean decided we’d all look better decoratin’ the bottom of it?”

“You mean after he was teleported away from our other students on the Span? I don’t. The timing of that teleport combined with his commendation make me sure he has the best evacuation priority. He’s most likely been assigned a personal flyer or a seat on one of the large ones. Whichever’s fastest for him. But then…he ended up in a squishboot, under the care of a healer at Matadero. I’m not clear on how that happened, and he hasn’t volunteered to share many details. Do you know?”

“Mmm… ” Morrison watched the smoke rising behind her. “He asked me to help him train in a way that made me think he didn’t have an easy time of it. I’d say he’s a trouble magnet, but I don’t believe in trouble magnets. You go out of your way to help people, puttin’ yourself at risk in the process, that’s you making it happen. Not magnetism.”

“You think he was injured helping people that night?”

“He wasn’t totally forthcomin’.”

She frowned. “I’ve noticed that about him, too. He seems honest…but not forthcoming.”

“I’ve just got speculation,” said Morrison. “What I think for sure… ”

Lesedi looked curious.

“I think he catches his first bullet before he graduates from uni!”

She threw her head back. “Not this again.”

“Not one fired from some toy gun either. The real thing. He’s got a good way of lookin’ at his skill. I can tell.”

“It’s still a Rabbit skill.”

“And some Artonans like him. We both know that’s not nothin’.”

Lesedi held a hand over their tray and phased it out. A little bit of barbecue residue she’d missed with the napkin fell through her insubstantial flesh to land with the coleslaw. “Well, I can’t argue with that. The attention of the Triplanets has its downsides, but following their gaze when it repeatedly lands on a particular Avowed isn’t a bad strategy for learning something worthwhile.”

 

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end clip

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[Lute is so much love and danger! He is harp Romeo. And Grandma killing pirate. He needs two thoughts at once like aliens.]

“Your mental texting is still magnificent, Haoyu.” Alden hung his head upside down while he misted his hair with Softly Salty. He was hoping that something more or less correct would happen to it as it dried in the wind during his upcoming nonagon ride.

“Not as magnificent as whatever Lute’s doing in there,” said Haoyu. He’d come to join Alden in the bathroom a minute ago. Alden thought he was bursting with too much amusement at Lute’s expense to stay in the living room with everyone else without saying something.

Alden could only imagine what it looked like in there based on the sounds of the harp and Lute’s words as he tried to have multiple critical conversations without pausing for breath.

“That’s perfect, Emilija! It’s the perfect tempo. Keep plucking those two strings just like that. <<Beautiful.>> Now, you listen to me, Roman. Where is your spine? Sabotage the Grandwitch at every opportunity. Never, ever, ever surrender! You can’t tell innocent globies and stupid local Rabbits whatever she asked you to tell them. I don’t care how normal she made it sound. Repeat after me: if she wants it, it is evil. If she wants it, it is evil. If she wants it… Do you like this song, Emilija? I can play anything you like. What’s your favorite song?”

This was happening because Roman Velra had been given Aulia’s annual invitation to the Rabbit Welcome event. She got one because she was a Diamond Star Employer according to a Rabbit business association that ran a program to connect new Rabbits to part-time jobs where they could practice their skills for appropriate pay in friendly, nurturing environments. And obviously Aulia couldn’t attend herself this year, since she was “protecting” Anesidora by staying onboard Libra.

The Velras had a lot of homes and a lot of money, and it made perfect sense for her to butter up Rabbits for those reasons alone. It was a win-win for her to periodically give Kabir or her housekeepers and groundskeepers some eager junior Avowed to help out with the chores.

Alden knew that, but he might be almost as paranoid as Lute because he was still struggling not to see this outreach toward his Avowed class as a nefarious plot Aulia had come up with to find more people like Manon Barre.

Every Rabbit is a potential doorway to a new section of wizard society. Just imagine what kind of information Manon’s group could have picked up at LeafSong over the years.

If Alden were a billionaire with a connection to a shady group that had an annual position at one of the most elite wizard schools…actually, he’d just be paying them to memorize every single thing the students and faculty said about magic. So that he could learn some new spells. But Aulia was probably interested in all the other stuff—which grand senator’s kid was committing crimes, who had a Submerger for sale, what the Primary’s son kept in his bedroom drawers.

Laura hauled the bags and equipment for examinees. I bet she snooped through everything she could.

He hoped Stuart hadn’t let her carry anything. He was so particular about how he organized his space and tucked away all the supplies he kept in his pockets and pouches. He’d feel violated if someone had pawed through it all.

“Is your grandmother really that bad?” Natalie asked. Her voice was quiet compared to Lute playing an instrument, complimenting Emilija excessively, and telling Roman he’d never recover his self-respect if he lifted a finger on Aulia’s behalf. “Because Roman said she asked him to collect information from people with cooking magic…and I think going for just one or two weekends and seeing a ship’s kitchen would be fun.”

“Would you bake coffeecake for the Devil just because she invited you to do it on her megayacht?” Lute demanded. “Would you?”

“All right. My hair can do whatever,” said Alden, tossing the spray bottle back into the cabinet over the sink, grabbing his bag from where he’d set it by the tub curtain, and striding out with Haoyu to rejoin the others.

Emilija was in the kitchen, plucking harp strings with Lute. Hadiza was on the sofa beside Natalie, flipping through one of Haoyu’s comic books. And Alden was surprised to see Roman in one of the armchairs, happily changing the infrared fireplace colors with one remote and the Bromelimas tree lights with another, trying to make them match. As if he was barely aware that Lute was in the middle of haranguing him.

The first time Alden had encountered Roman at Benjamin Velra’s birthday party, he had noticed that the second youngest Velra S-rank was a fan of the Appeal points. But Roman had been making such stressful comments about Lute’s missing eye and Lute’s mother that day that he’d counteracted his own magical effect. With him sitting here quietly, it was working better.

Alden caught himself smiling because Roman’s own smile seemed to be asking for a reply. And Alden had been running in here to weigh in on the topic of working for Aulia, which was no smiling matter.

If this guy’s Appeal doesn’t hit as hard as Natalie’s, I think it’s because he started from behind in some areas, not because he invested significantly less of his affixation in it.

Even now, Roman was wearing a retro bowling shirt, custom patterned with the lines for his favorite common wordchains. Which seemed kind of sad if you knew he’d trained his whole life for the Chainer class he didn’t get. And he’d gone overboard on a cologne that smelled like it had been crafted by someone who found industrial-strength cleaning products inspiring.

“Natalie, now isn’t the best time to work for Aulia,” said Alden, resisting the urge to say something more negative since Roman was right here and might report back. “Even though she pays well.”

Kabir had said she did anyway.

[Submerger,] he texted Natalie. [Politics. And she gets weird about stuff. She might decide your pineapple salsa is the key to winning the next election for the Rares and Uniques seat and threaten everyone else who tries to employ you.]

Natalie had been looking toward Lute, Emilija, and the harp. As Alden’s message arrived, she turned around.

“I wasn’t very serious. Just wondering if she was as bad as Lute says…that’s a nice shirt! Hadiza, look what Alden’s wearing. It doesn’t even need your skill.”

“I see how it is,” said Alden. “You expected Hadiza to have to work on a slob.”

<<I thought you’d wear the brown hoodie,>> said Emilija.

“He wears that a lot,” Hadiza agreed. “This is better.”

Good. I got right.

Alden had stood at his closet for a couple of minutes, trying to pick out what he should wear. And he was pretty sure he’d figured out what he could do to make the girls glad they’d come to get him. Since this night was part celebration, part orientation, and part networking extravaganza, they wanted attention from all the important people and invitations to all the coolest parties. He didn’t want those things for himself, but he had an idea of how his presence might be beneficial.

The brown turtleneck with the subtle metallic threads, made to go with his Triplanets outfits, was a start. He figured it looked a little alien and a little expensive, even if nobody knew where he’d gotten it from or where he usually wore it.

A little alien and a little expensive was very Rabbit.

“Come on,” he said. “Our nonagon awaits.”

They all stood. Haoyu had to remind Roman he couldn’t take the fireplace remote with him.

“You’re so lucky, Lute!” Roman grabbed Lute in a goodbye hug. The bewildered look Lute turned on Alden in its aftermath was hard not to laugh at. “There are so many people in this dorm. The guys you live with are so cool. I’m sorry I missed Lexi. You have an antler light and a real polar bear.”

[Alden: Which of you two told him Sunny was real?]

Haoyu’s completely innocent expression was his answer.

“When can I come and visit again?” Roman asked. “Grandma keeps telling people I’ll find all of their important things that went missing during the accident. Most of their things are just…”

He pointed down. At the seabed, Alden guessed.

“Accident is a small word for what happened, Roman,” said Lute.

“I bet she wouldn’t think to look for me here,” Roman said. “I can tutor you in Artonan! You’re way behind.”

“Roman…” Lute huffed. Then groaned. Then rolled his eye and reached up to grab Roman’s shoulders.

“STOP doing things for her. Remember when you screamed that she was a crazy, superstitious, life-destroying…” He glanced at Emilija. “…person? You were so loud you woke up the whole mansion. And she made us all run away to live on Libra where you couldn’t find us because she knows in that crusty, oozing scab she calls a heart that you were right. That was a good moment for you! You need to maintain some of that anger.”

“I hate her a lot, mostly,” said Roman. “But we only have one family, and right now so much is going wrong—”

“Stand up for yourself, man. Freedom! If you don’t believe me, speak to Aimi. I think she has some kind of secret wisdom she’s hiding from the rest of us. And…hear me out…maybe you should go enjoy your last year of high school at a high school. Instead of homeschooling. It’s not like you got Chainer, and I think distance would be a particularly good choice for you.”

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“Could I stay in this room?”

“No! Get your own roommates. You can buy a polar bear with them. You’ll like it.”

“I’ll come visit again tomorrow. Do you guys have video game nights? I think I would enjoy video games.”

“Of course we do. Have you never played one before?” Haoyu asked. “How is that…?”

“Tomorrow’s very soon,” Lute said. “Don’t come over that soon.”

“But I have so much free time when I’m not finding lost possessions for people. Chainer training was thirty-two hours every week, more in the final year, and now it’s just over. Sometimes I’m jealous Miyo’s still doing it.”

“How long?” Alden asked. “Was that on top of school?”

<<Too long,>> Emilija said.

“Much too long,” Hadiza agreed.

“I cook that much a lot of weeks,” said Natalie, “but only since I got my skill. I thought you said you started Chainer practice as soon as you could talk?”

“Yes. That’s correct, everyone,” Lute said. “Our family has problems. I am unable to fully escape, because I have consumed the cursed pomegranate of Chainer. However, Roman has slipped away from Aulia’s grasp and must not go back to it. Go enjoy Rabbit companionship, Roman. Have a good time not helping the person who thought Hazel having headaches made her more magical than an actual S-rank who’d been training for years.”

“Have you ever…skateboarded?” asked Haoyu, frowning at Roman. “What about Brute Scouts? What about bicycles? You can ride a bicycle, can’t you?”

Lute shot Haoyu a nervous look. Maybe he was afraid Roman had become too pitiful and Haoyu was thinking of adopting him, because he practically shoved his cousin to the door and out of it.