TWO HUNDRED SEVENTY-FIVE: Beginning

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“Kivb-ee?”

“Kibby.”

“Her?”

“Her. Kibby. And Instructor Gwen-lor, not that she knew she was providing instructional videos a human would watch.”

“But how?”

Alden had just explained how he’d gradually learned to sense and then control his authority on Thegund. He doubted Stuart really wanted him to repeat it all.

“There is something else that made me more wizard prone,” he said. “According to the Contract. The Mother. But I feel like I’d be sharing another person’s secret if I told you. I’d rather explain what’s going on to them first, and it’s not exactly simple to talk to them. Is it something you need to know to make decisions about what we should do next?”

We. I’m not going to be facing this by myself.

Stuart’s response had been even better than he’d hoped for.

He’s had some time to take it back now. And he hasn’t.

“Do you think it will be all right with other people? What I am?”

“It should be…or…I’ll help make it so.” Stuart’s fingers scrabbled for the grape bowl. “I do need to think. Let me think.”

“Of course!” Alden stood to give him some space. “I’ll unpack. Ask me anything. As much as you want. I’m right here. Ready for whatever.”

He couldn’t quit smiling. Stuart wasn’t angry, sad, or freaking out. The Grand Senate hadn’t teleported here to turn Alden into a bug and squash him. He was still alive and free, and now he had help. He wasn’t being rejected.

Stuart had returned his learning partner pat.

I want to do it again.

He moved Other Alden gently off his suitcase and set her on the floor before carrying the bag over to the bed and unzipping it. His learning cushion was on top—made by the craftswoman Enyl-tirg, the same kind wizards used.

“Yes to everything you are.”

Those words wove through all his thoughts, shining, so good they were almost unbelievable and so deeply wanted that he couldn’t put them down.

He’ll help me figure this out now. And I’ll be able to help with the difficult stuff ahead of him, too. Nothing’s broken.

Was this moment real? He was so much lighter than he had been an hour ago that it felt like a dream.

My dreams are never this awesome.

He positioned his cushion beside the window, making sure to leave room so Stuart could put his beside it.

I can show him my spells. Maybe he has advice about some of them. Recommendations for new ones.

He turned to see what Stuart was doing now. But the Artonan was just staring at the gingerbread klerm like it would whisper ancient wisdom if he waited long enough.

Inviting him to cast spells with me right this second is too soon.

Alden finished putting his clothes away in the drawers under the bed. He took off his pezyva, and then spent a delightful couple of minutes wondering what he wanted to do with his auriad. Stuart knew. It was just the two of them alone here. So he could wear it wherever he wanted without hiding it anymore.

He had on the sleeveless, indigo shirt that matched it.

Right arm, since I’ve been learning the new summoning spell with that hand. Wrist or bicep?

Wrist. Ready to cast.

Utterly pleased with the choice, he put it there and sat on the corner of the bed, watching Stuart think.

“If you want me to tell you anything else, just ask,” Alden said after a lengthy wait.

“I’m still considering all that you’ve already said.” Stuart spoke seriously to the cookie.

“I’m so happy. This is like…I was afraid this might be the end of so much. Instead it feels like a beginning.” He flopped back onto the soft bed cover and started counting the wooden triangles that tiled the ceiling so that he wouldn’t drive Stuart nuts.

 

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No matter which tree limb Stu started from, he could not find the next that would allow him to pull himself up toward clarity.

Alden had thoughtfully acknowledged his knight oaths, but there was no part of the oath ceremony or the preparation for it that told him what a knight of the Mother Planet should do if their Avowed friend announced he’d become self-aware and capable of magic.

Less than a year after his first binding, with only an untrained child and chaos for his teachers.

If many human Avowed were similarly talented this would have happened before now.

It hadn’t. Therefore, Alden wasn’t the harbinger of millions of human wizards. Therefore…what?

Stu didn’t know. There were so many factors to consider, and he lacked understanding when it came to several of them.

There had been knights of other species. A few, in the past. Could their stories even be brought forward and applied to this situation?

He’s always been interested in seeing me cast and hearing me talk about it.

That held different meaning now, as did many other things they had spoken of and done together.

He waited so long to tell me. He was scared. I haven’t known him very well at all. He wouldn’t let me. I thought…

But if Stu was hurt, that hurt was buried every time it attempted to surface by what Alden was trying to give him now. At the end of his choosing season, he had come to Stu to tell him what mattered most to him.

First, that he believes in me.

Second, that he can do magic like me.

Third, that he would rather come with me to fight chaos than live in peace.

Hadn’t it only been a short time ago that Alden was afraid he would be summoned for dangerous tasks?

“Alden, are you sure you want to go to Goldbush with me? And anywhere else dangerous I go. To be a knight with me. That’s what you said, but… ”

But it’s too good. I want to hear you say it again to be sure it was real.

He waited for Alden’s answer. When it didn’t come, he glanced over at the bed. The human was lying there with his legs dangling over the side.

Stu went to look at him. “You fell asleep? At a time like this!”

It was morning on Anesidora and late at night here. Their positions should have been reversed. But Alden had a slight smile even in slumber.

Stu’s eyes caught the auriad around his wrist. How did he get one?

It was fully bonded, too, so he’d had it a while. Stu had never seen it before.

He’s been hiding it from me. From everyone. Because of fears that may be reasonable. But he tells me he wishes to be my brother on the path of highest onus, then he rests with that look on his face.

Stu turned off the lights over the bed.

“Thank you,” he said to the dead, the Mother, and the alien who had become his friend.

 

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When Alden woke from his accidental nap, sunlight was pouring into the cottage, and his mood was still bright enough to compete with it. “Sorry, Stuart,” he said as he sat up. “I didn’t realize I was that tired. You should have said someth—”

A frazzled Artonan leaped up from the table and rushed over to stand in front of him. His hands were clenched at his sides.

“Hi?” said Alden.

“Are you bonk-noggined?” Stuart demanded.

“I hope not.”

“Does self-loathing clog your veins like stuffing sap?”

“I really hope not.” Alden leaned back. Stuart’s eyes were boring into him. “What are you upset about?”

“You don’t care enough about your next binding! It’s not normal to disrespect your own existence as much as you do.”

“That’s not true. I respect my existence, and I care about myself plenty.”

“You must know that you will grow in power more quickly than other Avowed.”

“Yes, I know that. I— ”

“Is Earth’s Contract offering you unnecessarily frequent opportunities to bind new abilities?”

“Well… ”

“You’re not accepting them?!”

“Do I act like I am?”

“I do not know for sure,” said Stuart. “You wandered around the siblinghold delivering third meal immediately after you endured a binding that must have been your first as someone who can actually comprehend it in the same way we do. You had wevvi with me that day. There was dirt under your fingernails! I should have known!”

“You should have known I’m the only human wizard by some fingernail dirt?” Alden asked.

“You must have clawed at the ground in your distress.”

“Yeah…but I think it would’ve been more reasonable for you to assume I just didn’t care much about hygiene.”

Gingerbread crumbs flecked the front of the same brown sweater Stuart had had on last night. He obviously hadn’t been enjoying a blissfully restorative sleep for the past few hours.

“Exploring your house and spending time with you that day was good for me. The distraction, an introduction to Rapport I and quality wevvi, finding out someone I never would have expected to care much that I was gone had named a ryeh-b’t after me—that all made for an interesting and easy welcome back to life.” He looked around the cottage but saw no sign of Other Alden. Stuart must have let her out to play. “And it was really cool to be alive that day. Because of where I’d been and how likely me dying was, I had a lot of gratitude for existence to go along with the existential ouch. I still do.”

Stuart’s hands unclenched, and his mouth twitched. “I’ve meant to ask you before if you know the word you often use for an exclamation of pain is one of the more amusing ones for an adult to choose.”

“Ouch? My ouch is a childish ouch?” Did I just say existential ouchie?

“Somewhat.”

I did.

“I feel like you could have told me that sooner,” said Alden.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

A brown eyebrow arched. “Let’s both tell each other things sooner from now on.”

“Ha…yes. Say we’re even?” Alden stood. “I’m not filled with self-loathing sap. I promise. I don’t know how you got that idea.”

“When should your next binding be?”

“Around half a year.”

“This doesn’t worry you?”

“I’ve only recently become able to think about it without vomiting, so I don’t think most people would call me unworried.”

Stuart followed him toward the bathroom. “You do intend to go through with your next binding, then?”

“I will. Don’t worry about that. I’ll tell you if it’s ever getting too hard for me, like… ” He veered away from mentioning Sina at the last second. “Like Ryada. I see how hiding what she’s going through affected her and her squad. I’ll try to learn from that. If I’m having trouble, I’ll tell you, and if something like that ever happens to you, you’ll tell me. That’s how it’s supposed to be, isn’t it? For brothers on the path of highest onus together?”

Stuart liked hearing “brothers on the path of highest onus.” Alden could tell by his face.

“I’m shutting you out now,” said Alden. “Even if we’re on the same path, we don’t have to be in the same bathroom.”

He slid the door closed. Stuart waited a whole thirty seconds before deciding to talk through it. “You’re sure you’re not avoiding the reality of your next binding?”

Alden wondered how many friends and family members the art’hs had lost to that kind of thing over the years. “I’m sure.”

“Your spell impression for Jatontan pests…it’s such a small part of who you will be. We will laugh about it together one day.”

“We can laugh about it now, if you want to, Stuart. I’m not pleased with it, but it is a little funny.”

“You want to fight beside me?”

“Yes, I do. I don’t want to sit in a classroom waiting to hear if you’re all right out there.”

“I am…”

Alden had time to wash and dry his hands before Stuart found a way to finish the sentence.

“I am overwhelmed.”

When Alden slid the door open again, Stuart was looking up at him from three feet away. “Overwhelmed is fair,” said Alden. “I put a lot on you at one time, after hiding the truth from you.”

“Do you understand how wonderful this is to me? How much everything you said yesterday means?”

“Haven’t I made your life more complicated, too, though?”

“You asked to guard my back from demons, Alden. Do you think the complications could ever drown that out?” Stuart watched him, apparently waiting for something.

“I’m not taking it back,” said Alden. “I meant it.”

Stuart smiled. “You know your next binding is soon, you are not trying to pretend otherwise, you want to be strong enough to go with me to Goldbush and beyond, and you don’t disregard the value of your own existence?”

“That all sounds correct.”

“Then why have you been acting so disinterested in my skill research!? It’s even more urgent than I realized, and you knew that because you know how swift your growth is.”