THIRTY-NINE: Lesson One

 

“Don’t talk so loud,” Alden groaned, smashing his pillow to his face in an attempt to hide from the lights in his capsule.

“What? Are you hungover?” Boe asked.

“Oooo, are you? Isn’t it illegal for Avowed to drink?” Jeremy said. Loudly.

“Not on the Triplanets,” said Boe. “I guess they might still have age restrictions of some kind, though?”

“I’m not hungover,” Alden said into the pillow. “I’m probably the only person on campus who isn’t. How can there still be an exam this morning? I was promised sleep. There was a whole speech about sleep. There are pills just for it, and then they took it away when I wanted it most. They’re torturing me.”

“It’s pretty mild as far as torture goes,” said Jeremy. “Go wash your face in cold water.”

“Drink coffee.”

“I’d have to ask the boater to share theirs, and I hate them. I hate everyone this morning.”

“Ouch.”

“Harsh.”

“Except for you guys,” Alden amended. He ran his tongue over his teeth. The costume fangs were still in place. It was a wonder he hadn’t swallowed one of them in the night.

After meeting Stuart’s father, and having the scariest-ever handholding session with the strange wizard, he’d fled back to the dorms. He’d collapsed into his bed with his ears still ringing, and that dark, shameful memory boiling closer to the surface of his mind than it had in years.

What the heck is the Primary? It sounded like a title. An important one. But Alden had never heard it before.

“Sounds like an awesome party,” said Jeremy.

Alden had only told them about the normal-ish parts. Not the night’s conclusion.

“I guess it was for the guests. For me it was stressful. And exhausting. And a little demeaning. And hot… why is it perpetually hot on this stupid planet?” He paused. “I did get so many tips, though. So many. I don’t even know what for. About halfway through, when all the faculty and parents got plastered, random Argold amounts just started popping up on my interface every few minutes. And some of the students slipped things in my pockets. They’re either sticks of chewing gum or some kind of party drug or a magic thing that does who knows what—”

“Yeah, you should definitely throw those out,” said Boe.

“Obviously I wasn’t going to eat them without asking someone what they were,” said Alden. “Anyway, it lasted forever. I’m gross. I need to shower, but the boater people are hogging them. I did get to play with a magic ring, though.”

“You should steal it!” Jeremy said brightly.

“What’s wrong with you? You were worried he was going to his death a week and a half ago, and now you’re encouraging him to rob a wizard?”

Alden’s morning timer flashed once to catch his attention. He had forty-five minutes. If he didn’t get out of bed soon, it would grow more insistent.

He sighed and tossed his pillow away. There was a smear of black and orange paint across it.

 

#

 

“Good morning, Alden dear,” Joe said with a revolting amount of cheerfulness as soon as he entered the lab. The professor was going through his usual drill of removing select items from every table.

“Uh-huh.” I can’t believe he’s still alive.

The last time Alden had seen him, Joe had been modifying the hookah with potions from his little case full of vials. Apparently he kept the party potions right beside the mishnen–killing ones.

“Ah, you’ve kept your fangs! Making a statement?”

Sophie padded over and tipped her helmet in interest. <<A definite improvement,>> she said. <<Do claws next.>>

Alden smiled at her then turned to Joe.

“Actually I can’t get them out. Like…at all. I tried everything short of bashing them with a hammer this morning. I had to quit when my gums started to bleed. The artist didn’t actually cement them to my teeth, did she?”

If he didn’t figure it out soon, it was going to be difficult to explain the fangs to a dentist when he got back to Earth. Yes, I put these on myself. No, I don’t know what I used. Crazy how that happened, right? Please, make them go away.

“How should I know?” said Joe, sniffing a jar of pickled mice. “I can look at them for you when we finish setting up. Maybe it’s some kind of dissolvable glue.”

Not wanting to miss out on that offer, given the lack of alternative solutions, Alden did his best to perk up and help with the work.

“Let’s take away these gold boxes,” he suggested.

Joe blinked at him in surprise. “The Et-lor compressors?” he asked. “I’m fascinated by the suggestion. Why would we deprive the students of those?”

“Only a couple of people use them in each session. And they make a really annoying sound.”

Like nails on a chalkboard in a cave.

“I’m so used to them I never noticed.”

<<They sound like prey,>> said Sophie.

“They’re horrible screechy boxes, and you always fail the people who use them,” Alden said blithely, carrying one away from its table. “I’m doing the students a favor.”

<<What happened to him last night?>> Sophie hissed to Joe. <<Is he going feral?>>

“It seems he’s not a party person. A pity. He was a very big hit.”

Alden felt much better after placing all seventy-five Et-lor compressors in the Corner of Shame where they belonged. When he was done, he helped Joe finish the fridges, and then held his mouth open while the professor examined his fangs through his smart lens.

“She did use some type of glue on them,” he said. “I have several things that will dissolve it, but just keep them for now. I’ll figure it out over lunch. I know absolutely nothing about human tooth enamel, and I imagine you’d rather I not learn through trial and error.”

“I can use Artonan tooth cleaning gum,” Alden reported. And since he was thinking of it, he pulled one of the strange flat sticks out of his pocket and held it out to Joe. It was wrapped in folded waxy paper. “By the way, is this gum? Or is it drugs? Or is it like a chewable magic potion?”

Maybe it wasn’t for eating at all, but it looked like it was. And it smelled like one of the herbs that was popular in food here.

Joe stared at the stick and snorted. “Someone gave you one of those last night? That’s a little…anyway, yes. It is.”

“It is what?”

“Those three things you said.”

Alden stared at him. “It’s a gum-drug-potion?”

Joe was shaking his head in amusement. “Yes. They’re easy to make, if you have the funds for the ingredients. So they’re perennially popular with wealthy young people.”

“What does it do?”

“You chew it, and then you pass it off to someone else to chew it—”

“Well that sounds disgusting.”

“—and a mild sensory link is created between the two, or more, of you for a few minutes.”

Alden stared down at the stick in his hand. “It’s telepathy gum?”

“Sensory. You don’t share thoughts, only senses. Taste, smell, touch, etcetera.”

That…was even better. Alden had been immensely frustrated and a bit jealous about the fact that Artonans felt and managed their authority as an actual sixth sense. If this was sensory gum…

“Could I use this stuff to feel my magic like Artonans do?” he asked excitedly.

Joe looked baffled. “How would I know? It’s not for humans, and it’s not usually used in that—”

“That would be awesome! Oh, but I’d have to chew it with someone who had that sense.”

Alden was turning the gum over in his hand thoughtfully, helped along by Joe’s unreturned ring. “Plus it could be good for combat training, maybe? If you could feel what someone who was more of an expert than you did when they moved. And it would be AMAZING if you could see your surroundings and someone else’s at once…I guess that might make you really dizzy though. It’s got to have lots of practical applications. How long did you say it lasted?”

“A quality stick should last around eleven minutes,” said Joe. “But it’s not designed with humans in mind, so if you’re determined to put it in your mouth, at least wait until there’s a qualified healer nearby.”

“Do you think I could buy more of these?” Alden said seriously.

“For your combat training. As a Ryeh-b’t.”

“Just for whatever I might think of later. I’ve never heard of this stuff before. Do you think it’s very hard to find on Earth?”

Joe sighed. “I neither know nor care. And no. You can’t buy more of it here on the Triplanets legally. Pharmacies aren’t going to sell you something that’s not designed for your species. Just be happy with the piece some young fool gave you, and don’t accidentally poison yourself.”

Alden nodded. “I’ve got fourteen anyway. That should be enough for now.”

“You got fourteen?”

“Yeah. I counted when I was pulling them out of my pockets last night.”

Joe shook his head. “I think I went to the wrong parties in my youth,” he muttered.

“Jel-nor even gave me one. And then she stared at me really hard while she ate a plate of those little cube-shaped burgers.”

“You should remember which piece was hers if you can.”

“Why?”

“Because it will either definitely kill you or definitely be safe for you to consume. Most likely the second since she was trying to imply you should eat the ‘burgers’ together while you were under the influence of the gum. A sort of bribe or peace offering I imagine. In either case, she would have researched the chemistry of it before giving it to you.”

“Noted.” He really didn’t think he wanted to make peace with her, though. More like avoid her at all costs.

“Alas,” said Joe, looking toward the doors, where the quiet sounds of anxious students could be heard. “We have to let them in yet again. No matter how many I test, they just keep coming.”

<<You could fail them immediately,>> Sophie suggested.

“Do you know several people told me last night that I was unacceptably difficult and cruel to their children?” Joe said. “Nobody appreciates my exacting standards.”

 

#

 

Maybe because the previous day had been so weird and long, the return to the ordinary routine made the hours fly by. Alden was in a good mood by lunchtime, even though he had to spend the last twenty minutes of his break biting into a nasty-tasting square of gel Joe had made for him.

“Success!” he shouted, when he finally unlocked his jaws and saw the fangs stuck in the gel. “I’m me again.”

<<You look awful.>>

Alden bared his teeth at Sophie.

<<Put them back.>>

He laughed. “I have this friend named Boe at home. You two would get along.”

<<His name is almost the same as the professor’s?>>

Alden blinked. “Yeah it is. But somehow I don’t think they would get along.” The accumulated intellectual superiority and snark would be unbearable for everyone around them, too.

There was only a single lab exam on the final day of his time at LeafSong. So from this moment, there were only four more total before he could go home.

Four lab sessions, two nights’ sleep, three trips to Moon Thegund. He was supposed to leave just after noon on the last day, but Joe had gotten permission to keep him a few hours longer. As soon as he arrived back at the summonarium after the last trip, though, he’d be teleported back to Earth.

I can’t wait to breathe the air in Chicago.

The finish line for this insane first summoning was in sight, and with any luck, he wouldn’t have another for weeks. He’d be plenty busy without it. His to-do list was a mile long.

And the first thing on it is just “Calm down, and think.”

He’d been summoned a few hours after affixing his skill. And for a job this long. It was ridiculous. He was going to sleep for an entire day when he got back and then wake up the next morning and sit on the sofa by himself with a bowl of popcorn and a notebook and try to figure out how to get started on the rest of his life.

No biggie.

Today, let’s just focus on today. The guy whose table he was standing beside was mixing the green and purple goo together. Something always went wrong when you mixed the green and purple goo together. Alden knew that, and he didn’t even have a clue what the goos were.

Trash Rabbit on duty, he thought, smiling at the unlucky student, about to steal your stuff.

 

---

 

That afternoon, Alden rolled toward Hot Lab 7 in a cart and had the peculiar experience of being greeted on his way by several professors and students he didn’t recognize at all.

Guess I’m famous. Please, don’t summon me for your future parties, people.

As soon as the doors of the lab opened and the cool air rushed out, he heard a muffled shout from Joe. “I’m down here today! You can come in.”

He was on the floor of the actual laboratory instead of in his office.

For the first time, Alden went straight inside. He stopped in the chamber that separated the entryway from the center of the building and looked around at the sanitizing equipment. He had absolutely no clue how to use any of it except for the sink.

“Joe, do I need to do anything in here?”

“Just put on a pair of boots so you don’t track in dirt. There’s nothing delicate going on in here right now.”

A minute later, Alden stepped inside wearing a too-tight pair of rubber boots. He headed down a metal staircase, taking in all of the strange equipment with interest.

“What are we doing down here today?”

Joe was standing in front of a large display on the wall that was flashing through sciency information so quickly Alden didn’t have a hope of reading it.

“You are standing there, and I am running a few final simulations on something you will take with you on your way to the lab today.”

“What?”

“Contract,” Joe reminded him absently, still staring at the display.

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

They reconfirmed the private contract, and Joe said, “It’s a bomb.”

Of course it is.

Alden sighed. “Why am I taking a bomb with me today?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Are you blowing up the lab so that the corporation can’t have the rest of your stuff?”

“I’m strategically tidying a few sections it. You’ll need to take two bombs, actually, and deliver them to Thenn. One today. One tomorrow. They’re quite unusual and magically potent, and I don’t want them to strain your skill too much.”

Thenn-ar was the leader at the lab. She’d be one of the last two people evacuated. “Great. Now I’m complicit in blowing up buildings.”

“It’s just some light remodeling really,” Joe said. He glanced over at Alden. “So you’ll do it?”

Oh wait, Alden realized. That’s right. I don’t have to.

The agreement was that he would pick up people and supplies. Not carry bombs over there. He’d been about to say yes without even thinking about it.

Joe was too easy to get along with.

Even now, he was patiently going about his business without applying any additional pressure. And he did help Alden out with things that were well outside of their agreement. The mishnen, the party, even the fangs earlier today. It felt like they were almost friends lately, even though that couldn’t be an accurate description of the relationship. Joe was old and powerful and openly engaged in illegal stuff. And he was a wizard.

An individual private contract they formed might be fair to both parties. But the real underlying dynamic was so unbalanced between them, it probably couldn’t ever be made truly right.

Maybe there was no reason to overanalyze every little thing, though.

“I’ll take it,” Alden said.

“That’s nice of you.”

“Actually, it’s spiteful. It made me really angry that the Yipalck Corporation sent Avowed to rescue their own people and made them leave everyone else behind.”

Joe shook his head. “Even your spite is nice,” he said in a slightly admonishing tone.

“Sorry. Can I ask questions now?”

Joe waved his permission and walked over to feed his vat of eels.

“Who is the Primary?”

“Ah. So he introduced himself to you. He shouldn’t really have done that. But even if he’s aware of how it draws attention and complicates things, I doubt he cares much.”

“So it is a title. Why haven’t I ever heard it before? If he’s someone important, I should have, right?”

“You know, this isn’t skill instruction. Which is what our lessons are supposed to be about.”

Alden paused. “I mean…you don’t have to answer.”

“I know I don’t have to answer. What did he say to you last night? When Stu-art’h said his father wanted to meet you, I thought he was either mistaken or trying to give you some sort of misguided compliment. The people who were aware of the man’s arrival at the party were frankly alarmed. He’s not someone who does a lot of socializing, and they were afraid he might be offended by the nature of the festivities.”

“He held my hands.”

Joe almost dropped the shaker can full of eel food he was sprinkling into the vat, and he turned around sputtering. “Why?”

“His sister told him to.”

The professor stared. “I’m sure you’re leaving something out.”

“He asked me really personal questions. It was…I thought it was some kind of lie detector test, and he was going to want to know about what had happened with the mishnen. Or he was going to ask if I intended to betray Stuart’s trust, but I…don’t think that was it. In fact, he more or less said he wouldn’t do anything to me if I did tell on his son—”

“Don’t. I’ve got ever so many wonderful things going on because of that excellent mishap.”

“—so it was just about me? I think?”

Joe looked troubled. “He must have been using some talent I’m not aware of to examine you. I’m afraid I can’t answer your question.”

“He said I should go home and live well because one day we’d meet again.” Alden rubbed the back of his neck. “It kind of worried me.”

Joe’s eyes widened and he spun back around to face the eels so quickly that Alden didn’t even have time to interpret the expression.

“Joe?”

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

“I think, truly, that answering your questions about the Primary is not the best use of our limited time together. Let’s return to our regularly scheduled skill lesson.”

“Now you’re kind of worrying me.”

“Touch the ‘Triangle of Absolute Secrecy,’ please.”

Alden stared at his back. “We already reconfirmed the contract for today.”

“Ah, I would like to clarify a point. Today’s lesson is going to be special, you see. And I would like you to confirm specifically that you will not, through any means or by any permutation of interpretation, intentionally reveal the information I’m about to disclose to you to anyone else of any species without my permission. Ever.”

Surprised but intensely curious, Alden thought through the wording. “That’s way too strict, isn’t it? It means even if I hear the information from someone other than you at some point, I still can’t ever repeat it. Or even act on it in a way that I thought would allow it to become known.”