25. Good Friends

Crap crap crap crap crap. My only friend is going to think I’m crazy!

We are crazy.

Yeah but we don’t want her to think that! A-and Castalia says we’re not crazy!

Well, you need to say something because one way or the other that ship is sailing fast.

“I-I-It’s kind of personal!?” I stammer at Chloe. “I’d rather not, um… I don’t really know how to… can we just drop it?”

Chloe stares at me with a serious expression on her face, taking a painful amount of time to decide on her answer. This is it. It was nice for a while, I guess.

“…Normally I’d be happy to drop it,” Chloe says. “If anyone else asked me to, I would. But… as your friend, I think you have a recurring problem with not talking to people about important things in your life? And I’m… worried about that, to a degree that I think I’d be failing you as a friend if I didn’t push you a little outside your comfort zone. Is that… okay? Do you think I’m stepping over a line here?”

Ugh. She always makes it sound so reasonable. Make her fuck off.

What!? No!

I don’t wanna tell her! You don’t wanna tell her! Don’t fucking tell her!

Well maybe she sounds reasonable because she has a point! Maybe she should be worried about us!

Maybe that’s the problem! We’re not worth being worried over, Minerva! She has better things to do with her time and her life than getting involved with mine!

Oh. Oh, we’re not scared of her thinking we’re crazy at all, are we?

Of course we are! Wait, don’t you fucking dare—

“You’re right,” I blurt while I still have the courage to. “You’re right, it’s… we have a problem. We have a lot of problems. I just don’t want to make them your problems.”

Chloe gives me a soft smile.

“Well, I’m… sort of meddlesome by nature,” Chloe smiles softly. “I appreciate you trying to look out for me, but I’d really like to help if you’ll let me. I can’t promise I won’t worry about it if you don’t.”

Ugh, damn it! Why’d you tell her? Now she’s being manipulative.

She’s being honest and heartfelt.

I know! She can do both! And it’ll work on us every time. It’s bullshit.

“Um… I’m not really sure what to say,” I admit.

“Well… okay. I was under the impression that you are Fulgora. But the way you spoke indicated that she’s… not you.”

“I guess,” I admit.

“Is that… a function of your gem thingy?” Chloe asks. “Are you getting possessed when you fight?”

Ha! Kind of.

“What!? No!” I insist. “No, that’s not how they work. It’s just… you know how I said I’m Fulgora and Minerva? That’s… not normal. I’m not normal. Uh, even by magical girl standards, I guess. And that’s still how it is even when I’m not transformed. There’s just more than one person in my head.”

“Oh,” Chloe says, relaxing slightly. “Okay, so it’s just… okay. That makes sense.”

What?

“It… does?” I ask.

“Er, sorry, that came out wrong,” Chloe laughs. “I just… I was worried about something completely different, I guess, but it’s just more cPTSD symptoms. I-I mean, not that that isn’t bad, it’s just… better than an entirely new problem, I guess.”

Huh? What?

That’s what I said!

“…I’m a PTSD symptom?” I ask. “Wait, you think I have PTSD?”

“Wh—yeah I think you have PTSD, Eliza! Of course I think you have PTSD! Our therapy dog thinks you have PTSD. You’re literally a child soldier!”

“I… I’m fine, though?”

“Eliza, I say this as your friend who cares about you and respects you very much, but you are the least fine human being I’ve ever met in my entire life. And that’s saying something!”

…Well damn.

“I, uh, don’t really know what to say to that,” I admit. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess, I guess? What’s that you were saying about PTSD symptoms, though?”

“Oh, it’s just… well, I’m pretty familiar with the signs and symptoms, and I’ve done a lot of research on it because I wanted to make sure I could help my dad and not mess anything up, you know? My dad doesn’t have Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I made sure to look stuff up about it just in case. It’s often, but not necessarily, a result of consistent developmental trauma. Which, y’know, you have in spades. That’s a big part of why I originally reached out to you. You remind me of my dad.”

I frown.

“You started reaching out to me years ago.”

“I mean… yeah? What, do you think your nonstop state of fight-or-flight is a recent thing?”

“I just… is that… is that why we’re friends!?” I ask desperately.

I knew it. She pities us. Like we’re some injured stray cat!

No. Calm down. Let her answer.

Calm down!? Why the hell should I calm down!?

Fulgora’s rage—and her fear—inevitably bleeds into me. It’s not… I mean it’s not the worst thing in the world if she just considers me a charity case, right? A bit of a waste of her time, but not the end of the world. I’d certainly feel hurt—I was hoping she genuinely liked me—but it’s nothing I can’t handle. The worst case scenario isn’t worth spiraling over.

“What!?” Chloe gapes. “Eliza, no! It’s why I reached out to you before I ever knew you. We’re friends because once I got to knew you, I liked hanging out with you!”

Liar liar liar liar.

“Wh-why?” I ask. “I don’t really… do much. I don’t have any hobbies, I don’t have a fashion sense, I’m not good at anything other than fighting… you mostly just drag me around with you to do things you like, and I mean… that’s fine, I like doing that with you, but you don’t really need me for any of it. I’m just… tagging along.”

“I…” Chloe blinks. “I don’t… agree with that? I’ve never thought of you as just ‘tagging along.’ I’ve always worried I was pulling you along to places you never even wanted to go! You cancel a lot, but I know you’re busy, and you never cancel very consistently so I was hoping that’s all there was to it, and I just… I wouldn’t go to all this effort if I didn’t enjoy your company!”

“I… I’m really sorry I take so much effort to hang out with! I don’t mean to cancel so much, I—”

“Eliza, that is not the takeaway here!” Chloe cuts me off. “Oh my god, girl! I like you! Do you see me hanging out with anyone else!?”

I blink, hesitating at the question.

“…Don’t you have tons of other friends?” I ask.

“Wh… no!?” Chloe says. “You’re my best friend, Eliza! I don’t have anyone to hang out with other than you and my dad. I’ve kinda had to take care of him for most of my life, so I haven’t really had a lot of time until recently. Everyone else has their own friend groups and cliques and I just… have you. Don’t you dare act like you aren’t a good friend!”

“But… but what do I actually do that makes me a good friend?” I ask.

“I don’t know, we hang out together!” Chloe groans. “This doesn’t have to be so complicated! I enjoy your company. You let me drag you out to all sorts of places I’d be embarrassed to go alone, and you listen to all my rambling complaints, and you just… you like being around me! And I like being around you! Does it really have to be anything more than that?”

Yes? No? Maybe? It feels like it does! And yet, she’s right. I like being around her. I’m scared she doesn’t feel the same way, but she says she does, and shouldn’t I trust her? She’s my friend.

“S-sorry,” I manage. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make a big deal out of this. I like hanging out with you a lot.”

“Likewise,” Chloe smiles. “So! Do you wanna talk about the whole… ‘two of you’ thing?”

“Not… really,” I answer. “I mean, it’s weird, but it’s not that complicated. I’m Minerva, sometimes Fulgora takes over, but we’re both Eliza. It’s not like I’m going to forget this conversation if she starts using the body. You can just treat us like you always do.”

‘We’re both Eliza.’ Sure. Why not?

We both answer to the name ‘Eliza.’ That’s enough, right?

I dunno. I guess so. It’s fine as answers go either way; I don’t want her to start calling us Minerva and Fulgora while we’re in civies. It would feel so weird.

Oh, hard agree.

“Oh! Well, that’s good to know,” Chloe says. “Sometimes dissociative disorders like this do cause memory problems, so it’s reassuring that it isn’t as much of an issue for you.”

I wince.

“Can we not call it a ‘disorder?’ I know it’s technically correct, I just…”

“Oh! Oh, sure, no problem,” Chloe nods. “Sorry for uh, forcing the conversation into something so heavy. I’m glad we cleared the air on all that, though!”

“…Yeah,” I agree.

I guess it’s nice to know that we won’t chase off our only friend.

I suppose, in retrospect, if she was going to be upset by the revelation that we have serious issues she would have done it by now.

Ha! True enough. Oh, we should probably order something to eat, right? Let’s see… I’m pretty hungry. Chicken fried chicken?

As opposed to what? Sure, why not. I’m exhausted after all that, you can pick whatever you want.

“Shouldn’t it be called chicken fried steak fried chicken?” I muse.

“…What?” Chloe blinks at me.

“Chicken fried chicken,” I clarify. “It’s different from regular fried chicken… somehow. Presumably it’s made in the same way chicken fried steak is made, which itself is different from how normal fried chicken is made. So chicken fried chicken isn’t actually fried like chicken, it’s fried like chicken fried steak. Hence, chicken fried steak fried chicken.”

She stares at me for a moment, and then a laugh bursts out of her all at once, sudden to arrive and quick to recover from. She smirks at me.

“I dare you to actually call it ‘chicken fried steak fried chicken’ when the waitress comes to take our order,” she says.

Like I would!? Oh my god, I’m already mortified just from thinking about it.

Do it anyway.

Why!?

Why not? Chloe laughed, so it’s funny.

Hmm. I… guess?

“Uh… you know what, bet accepted,” I tell her, already regretting it but committed to the joke. “What do I get for winning it?”

“A happy college roommate, I guess,” Chloe answers. “It won’t be long before summer is over. Living with you is going to be interesting, I can already tell.”

“My life is many things, but it’s not boring,” I agree. “I’m… looking forward to it, Chloe. Thanks for putting up with me.”

“Hey, none of that kind of talk!” Chloe insists. “My friend is pretty cool. I won’t have you bashing her.”

“…Thanks,” I sigh. This is something, isn’t it? This is something good. Something for Eliza, rather than just Minerva and Fulgora. Something to make me think I might still be human. It doesn’t feel quite right, but… it’s not unpleasant.

We have a good friend.

Yeah. We do.

– – –

“Oh my gosh! Check this out, everybody! Come on, come on, come on!”

With an irritated grunt, Nanaya picks up the TV remote and pauses the movie we were watching, turning to stare at the excitedly bouncing form of Thea, hopping back and forth between her little feet with her tail swishing behind her.

The entertainment area of the castle isn’t much to look at, with a chunky CRT television, a DVD player, and a few old game consoles hooked up to a small generator that runs on big jars of emotions stolen from people on Earth. The furniture, particularly the couch, looks like it was grabbed off of a curb after someone dumped it and slapped a ‘free’ sign on the front. I have opted to stand behind the ratty thing rather than sit down, afraid it would collapse under my weight. It’s already creaking precariously as it tries to hold Melpomene, Anath, and Nanaya all at once, and it’s not like standing is less comfortable for me than sitting. It just kind of feels right standing behind Melpomene instead of sitting next to her anyway. It’s weirdly satisfying. I try not to think about it.

Anyway, the remarkable poverty in which the Dark Rebellion lives has always struck me as odd given the amount of profit I know they make from artifact sales. Trying to watch anything on this ancient television is painful; it works by drawing the screen one line of pixels at a time, and I know this because I can see it doing that in real time. At my default optical settings it’s like trying to watch a movie by physically printing every frame and staring at the pages as they drop out of the machine. I have to manually neuter my own sensorium in order to look at the screen without going insane, but the movie itself hasn’t been bad. We were right in the middle of a super emotional scene, in fact.

Hence why Nanaya is clearly so irritated that Thea interrupted us.

“What!?” she growls.

“Oh, uh, were you all busy? I can come back if you were in the middle of—”

“Just tell us what you figured out, sweetie,” Melpomene interrupts her.

“R-right, um, well look at this!” Thea rallies, taking out what looks like a floppy piece of rubber and slapping it onto her own face. “I got the 3D printer to work!”

She takes her hand away, revealing a terrifying mask that appears to be made of human skin. Smoothing it against her face, it sticks perfectly, changing her normal green coloring into a startlingly human replacement… if you ignore the eyes, which are unaffected, and the mouth, which still opens to reveal sharp little teeth that should not be there. The seams at the edge of the mask are equally conspicuous, and little bumps still accompany the green gemstones growing out of her body, but overall it’s still an impressively realistic mask.

“Check it out! Synthskin! I bet I could make some sick disguises out of this stuff! Maybe we could even hide on Earth?”

Everyone stares at her.

“That… is very impressive, Thea,” Melpomene hedges. “But, um…”

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“Can it hide tails?” Anath blurts. “Because I’ve got like, a huge fuckin tail coming out of my ass. Also fur. That seems too sticky to play nice with fur.”

“Mmm. I think we have a few fundamental biological incompatibilities with such a plan,” Nanaya agrees, lifting up one of her many-jointed alien legs. “A change in skin color is far from all we would need to pass as human.”

“I… but… I mean maybe my incarnate form—”

“—Would still radiate magical energy like one,” Nanaya cuts her off. “The Preservers would immediately start looking for you.”

“And you’d still be recognizable by your eyes,” Melpomene agrees.

“W-well I could make special contacts or something, too!” Thea insists.

“Contacts that hide your sclera?” Nanaya prods, raising an eyebrow. “That wouldn’t work. It might even be more visible.”

“B-but I just…” Thea stammers, peeling the fake skin off despondently. “Don’t you guys want to visit Earth without getting attacked for once? Surely there’s some way to disguise ourselves better. There has to be! Do none of you miss the sun?”

Nanaya, Anath, and Melpomene all stare at her, seeming surprised.

“Not… really?” Melpomene admits. “I honestly can’t say I do, sweetie.”

“It’s easier to work under cover of darkness,” Nanaya agrees.

“I mean, I do like the sun,” Anath says, “but I get to see it when I head out to beat up Fulgora, so it’s not so bad.”

“Ugh,” Thea sighs. “So it’s useless, is what you’re saying? Feel it, though, I got it crazy accurate to living tissue. I put a lot of work into this!”

“Well, perhaps you shouldn’t have,” Nanaya answers flatly. “There isn’t much purpose for a skintight disguise when none of us can take advantage… of…”