33. Fear and Anger

“Well, they were pretty fun, right Eliza?” Chloe asks me, turning around and walking backwards into our new living room for a few steps before collapsing onto the couch.

“I don’t know if I’d describe Castalia as ‘fun,’ exactly, but yeah,” I agree. “Luna seemed nice.”

“It’s kind of a weird thing to focus on, but I’m honestly super stoked I get to practice my ASL chops,” Chloe says. “I was really afraid those skills were starting to atrophy.”

“Where’d you learn that, anyway?” I ask, glancing around our dorm. We barely even got a chance to check the place out before heading off to lunch, but it’s a surprisingly nice place. Weird to think that I’m going to be living here for a while.

“Oh, I had a deaf friend in middle school. I learned it to talk with her, but we just sort of… drifted apart a little early in high school.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“Eh… I’d rather not talk about it,” Chloe answers, guilt and worry wafting off of her. Seems like it’s a story, but if she doesn’t want to share I guess I won’t press her.

“Fair enough,” I allow, walking over to check the fridge. Spacious. Definitely a little too spacious. Because it’s empty. “You think we should go buy food?”

“We should, but we just got back. I don’t really want to go out again already,” Chloe waves me off. “Let’s do it later tonight.”

“Sure,” I agree, closing the fridge door. Well, we made it. We moved in. Now what?

Well, there’s always more training, Minerva chimes in. There’s nothing quite like hanging out with Castalia to humble a girl.

I know, right? Just being near all that energy coming off of her is kind of terrifying. I can’t imagine actually living with her most of the day. It’s probably good that her roommate can’t sense that kind of stuff.

She was fun. Kind of sassy. I like her!

Yeah, I’m glad Castalia gets a good roommate. She seemed really excited to have a friend.

Yep. So… training?

Training. Hell yeah. I feel like I need to do something a little more active after all that sitting around and talking. Wanna go patrol the closest liminal zone?

Let’s do it!

“Well, if we’re not shopping for dorm stuff, I’m gonna head out for a few hours,” I tell Chloe. “Any particular time you wanna buy food?

“Huh? Leaving already?” Chloe asks. “We can like, put the TV up and veg out on the couch. Watch some shows. Relax at our brand-new place. Something like that.”

“That’s not really how I relax,” I admit. “It seems fun, but maybe another time?”

Chloe makes an exaggerated pouty face.

“Well, if you have to, she sighs. “The grocery closes at eight, so make sure you’re back before seven.”

“Will do,” I agree, and step out of the dorm. I rummage through my pockets to make sure I still have my keycard and start walking away from campus.

Check the app, dummy. We don’t even know if we’re going the right way.

Oh, right. I pull out my phone and open the convergence tracker app. It’s nothing special; it’s exactly the same one that mundane humans use, but there isn’t really a better way to figure out where the closest liminal space is other than calling up Uma’tama directly, and I don’t see any reason to bother them. Looks like there’s a decent chunk of reports for a convergence just east of here, and a quick double-check of the GPS confirms that traffic is being completely rerouted away from the area.

Convergence sites are interesting. You’d think you’d be able to see them from miles away, because they’re dark as night even in the middle of the day, but for whatever reason it’s only possible to see the liminal space once you physically go there. As you approach more closely, the day will get darker and darker, even if it looks like it’s light out just a few steps behind you. It’s hard to notice the exact moment you enter the liminal space proper, but anybody watching you from outside will see you suddenly disappear. Satellite images of active convergence sites look exactly the same as when there isn’t a convergence going on, with one notable exception: not a single person or animal is visible within the entire radius. When the convergence comes, everything with a soul vanishes. We’re lucky they get foreshadowed upwards of a day in advance, or who knows how many people we would have lost to them.

I’m so incredibly tempted to just fly there. I can’t believe Castalia’s flight is energy-positive. That’s absolutely crazy.

I know, right? She’s perpetually maintaining her incarnate form on top of it. I don’t understand how anyone can be that happy.

Our flight might not be self-sustaining, but that just makes it better to train with, right? I bet we can do tandem flight the same way we cast tandem spells. We just have to stay focused on each other.

Worth a shot, I guess. But not until we reach the liminal zone. I don’t want people to see us.

Spoilsport.

What, do you want people to know who we are?

Kind of? Maybe? I don’t know. I mean, we’re sorta giving up on the whole secret identity thing, right? We may as well commit. Or, if you’re really adverse, we just change somewhere private and then fly there.

I’m not sure if we’re giving up on the secret identity thing. That Luna girl knows about me, sure. That’ll probably spread through school. But she doesn’t know about you.

Uh… so you want to keep only me a secret? That’s not fair.

It’s not, no, but… ugh. Sorry. You’re right. I still just think this is weird.

Well I won’t say it isn’t weird. I just think it’s time we stop caring about that more than we actually have to. It certainly seems to work well for Castalia, right?

I guess I can’t deny that. If we want power, there’s no one better to emulate than Castalia. Still… I kind of just want to walk. We’ll transform in the liminal space. We’re not really in a rush, after all.

I guess just deciding we’re going to be open about it doesn’t make it easy.

…Yeah. Yeah, it really doesn’t.

Still, I enjoy the walk. As much as my human form fundamentally can’t be as comfortable as my incarnate form, I’ve always enjoyed the simple pleasures of movement and exercise. A walk isn’t much of a workout, but it helps clear my head. My head is generally pretty hard to clear, so I’ll take all the help I can get.

I ignore the signs marking off the evacuation area and wander into the liminal zone, breathing in the extra magic in the air. There we go. That feels more natural.

“I Wɪʟʟ Nᴏᴛ Fᴀɪʟ,” I promise, and my transformation begins. My body unravels into light, pure magical power coalescing to replace it with something far more perfect. My magical girl outfit—jacket and combat boots and all—forms around me out of thin air. Fully formed and properly clothed, I announce myself to the world.

“Fᴜʀɪᴏᴜs Aᴠᴇɴɢᴇʀ Sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴏʀ Fᴜʟɢᴏʀᴀ.”

Okay. Let’s fly!

I release power into the air and the magic embraces me like a warm blanket, curling around me and unshackling me from the ground by the strength of my will. Flight is one of those spells that Earth Guardians learn to use without relying on incantations whenever possible, as it rarely requires the extra boost in power but always appreciates the added flexibility of pure emotion-casting. Magic, after all, is will. Incantations and spell circles can be used to direct it, to force it into specific shapes and patterns to get the exact effects requested. But while doing so makes the spell more focused, more concentrated, and more powerful, it loses out on the purity of that transition from desire directly to reality.

I move up, because I feel that I wish to. In my case, I direct my anger, rejecting physics for its stubborn, inconvenient rules that I deserve to disobey.

And I direct my fear, fleeing from the cold calculations of gravity and the limitations of the Earth, desperately reaching for a better way that could be stolen at any moment.

Red and green entwine, carefully mixing in a volatile brew. Minerva lives in the back of my mind, both me and not me. Focus on her too much, and our thoughts split apart, one source of magic fighting against the other as our natures and desires clash.

But focus on me not enough, and I slip away, disappearing from conscious thought along with the power I provide. I can so easily be swept away by the winds of your mind.

And when the roles are reversed, I can so easily be brushed aside by yours.

But together…

Together… we’re unstoppable.

We rocket forwards, rapidly accelerating to speeds I’d never have dreamed of alone. This whole time, we’ve each been using half our soul. Half our power. For so long we’ve been training and fighting with a handicap we never knew about, and it has finally been removed. We have finally been unleashed!

“Tᴡɪɴ Fᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ Tʜᴜɴᴅᴇʀ!” we roar into the silence of the liminal space, summoning my staff and launching a double bolt of lightning out at one of the infinitely repeating buildings of this realm. The wall explodes with devastating force, shards of brick clattering in every direction as I admire my work. Not bad for a basic spell. Not bad at all. I really can use Minerva’s magic at will. Now I have to figure out how best to weave it into my combat style…

“Fulgora-san? Oh! You are the noise. What are you fighting?”

Huh? I turn and spot a familiar Earth Guardian standing on the ground, looking rather bewildered in my general direction.

“Amaterasu?” I blink.

“Just Su-san, please,” she answers. “Are you in danger?”

“No, Susan,” I answer. “I’m just training. Practicing. Haven’t seen any monsters or anything.”

“Oh, that is good,” she nods, hopping up onto the roof of a nearby building to get closer to me.

“What are you doing out here?” I ask, a little uncomfortable. I know Uma’tama called this girl in to help us, but I don’t really know her at all. The animal ears on her head remind me a bit too much of the Corrupted. I wonder what her deal is.

“I am patrolling,” Susan shrugs. “I am looking for witches.”

“Oh,” I say. “Well, that’s not a bad idea. Best of luck, Susan.”

“Hrm,” the girl frowns. “Fulgora-san. I do not know how to explain this. But my name is not Susan. You are saying it wrong. Please call me Su. San. I do not like to be rude but I would appreciate if you say my name correctly.”

“Oh,” I say again. “Well, sorry Su… san. I wasn’t trying to be rude either. I’m not very good with languages.”

“Yes, I agree,” Amaterasu nods. Wow. Is she sure she doesn’t like to be rude?

I mean, we’re the ones who have apparently been saying her name wrong for the past few months.

And she could have told us at any time before this!

I think she maybe tried to?

“Fulgora-san,” Amaterasu says, one of her wolfish ears flicking in irritation. “You are training, yes? If you wish, I would be interested in a spar.”

“A spar?” I ask.

“A spar,” she confirms, summoning her daggers in each hand.

Hmm. That… might be a good idea. I haven’t done sparring since I was a kid, though. Still, I need practice fighting humanoid targets… even if those targets often move like monsters. But Su is a mix of both, huh?

“Well, alright, I suppose,” I agree. “What brought this on? Do you not need to patrol?”

“Eh, ‘patrol’ is… not quite right word,” she shrugs. “I am looking for a fight. Curious to see how strong you are when your bones aren’t all broken.”

“Sure,” I concede, floating down to the roof she’s on. “First to touch?”

“No,” Amaterasu sneers. “First to concede.”

And then she lunges, quick as lightning. Thankfully, lightning is my whole thing. My staff in both hands, I deflect each of her strikes before swinging a counterattack that she nimbly ducks under before attempting a jab towards my face.

Woah! Not exactly a ‘spar’ sort of attack there!

I move my head to the side and smack her arm for the attempt, but it barely slows her down. My heart is already pounding, adrenaline kicking everything into high gear. You want to get nasty, huh? Fine. I came out here to practice my spells anyway.

“Sᴏᴜʟ Fʟᴀsʜ!” I shout, forcing Amaterasu back with a burst of magic as everything seems to slow down around me. She’s fast, but I’m no slouch myself. I’m not going to lose to her. I’m afraid of losing to her. Losing to her means that all this power I got was for nothing. All the improvements I’ve made weren’t worth a damn thing. Because she’s not strong enough to stop those monsters either, and she knows it!

Amaterasu keeps up with my pace, but not my power. She deftly parries my flurry of strikes, but I can tell it’s wearing on her, using up more of her magic than mine. I could keep this up and win, but why draw it out? Why give her the chance to find some way past my guard?

“Lɪɢʜᴛɴɪɴɢ—” I begin, taking a wild swing with all of my strength, the follow-through leaving me open. Amaterasu notices immediately, and moves to counter.

“—Aʀᴄ!” I finish, and my attack flashes back in the opposite direction, a second burst of explosive thunder that knocks the dagger Su desperately brought up to parry clean out of her hand. It spins into the air, disintegrating into magical particles a few feet away before reappearing in her grip to barely let her block another blow. A crack of thunder releases itself from my weapon when she does, though, and this finally knocks her back, sending her tumbling away.

It’s time.

It is. I take aim, looking down my staff like the sights of a gun.

“Fᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ Tʜᴜɴᴅᴇʀ!” Minerva and I shout, the bolt of red and green lightning shrieking towards Amaterasu. I see her scowl, clicking her tongue in annoyance an instant before the bolt would hit.

“Fʟᴀsʜ Dᴀɴᴄᴇ!” Amaterasu declares, and in a blinding burst of movement she’s in my face again, seemingly having teleported through my lightning and back into melee range. Suddenly I’m on the defensive, a rapid series of attacks from Su suddenly interrupted when she once again disappears.

Behind us!

I duck another dagger strike, swinging a counter in her direction before she disappears again, ruthlessly pressing the offensive.

Holy crap she is fast!

You’re allowed to swear, you know.

Nah, I’m like… twelve or something. It feels weird.

Everything about you is weird. Two more parries and then we turn this around, yeah?

I’m ready.

One. Two.

“Sᴛᴏʀᴍ Bᴀʀʀɪᴇʀ!” we shout, letting the spell absorb Amaterasu’s next attack as we swing recklessly to break her assault. Fear and anger catch her need as we finally land a solid hit to her ribcage, the physical force and burst of energy from our incarnate weapon ravaging the side of her body. She jumps back, making space, and I follow Minerva’s lead, letting her instincts pull my staff up to fire.

“Castalia’s training is real deal, huh?” she hisses, rubbing the injury with her knuckles.

“She’s Castalia,” I answer simply. “Fᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ Tʜᴜɴᴅᴇʀ!”

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Amaterasu teleports out of the way, but not directly into my face like last time. She just watches, sizing me up.

“Have you seen her fight?” she asks. “I struggle to believe she is as good as they say.”

“I’ve seen her in battle,” I confirm, tracking her but refraining from firing for now. “She really is that strong.”

“And yet she does not fight,” Amaterasu hums. “Not anymore. Is that not ultimately weakness?”

“Like… what, philosophically?” I ask. “I don’t know. She can blow up a city so probably not. What does it matter?”

“I left my life behind to come here. To see the strongest human,” Amaterasu frowns. “But the ones I lose to? They are not her. It is upsetting. I need to be stronger.”

Hmm.

“I can empathize,” I agree. “It’s not my emotion, but I need to be stronger, too.”

“Then do not rest,” Amaterasu says. “Push yourself.”

“…The hell do you think I’m doing right now?” I scowl.