10. Chaperone

Unfortunately, the first thing I learn when researching how to access the internet is that I can’t access the internet.

I expected this, of course. My radio capabilities are receiver-only, so listening in on what other people are doing was always going to be my limit. Even that is a bit of a challenge, but I’m working through it. If nothing else, I’m learning which frequencies of radio waves correspond to which function. I can sort out in my mind what a signal is, at least, and that goes a long way to calming the anxiety about potentially missing something important.

Unfortunately, knowing what I’m missing doesn’t stop me from missing basically everything. I can now play every public radio station in my head simultaneously, which is in fact actually quite awful, but I’m pretty sure there is a part of my mind partitioned off to recording it all anyway. The vast supermajority of radio traffic is encrypted, though, and while my wiki walk has given me enough information to understand what a successfully decrypted packet might look like, I have yet to crack anything. Honestly, I’m not sure if I want to be able to listen in on everyone else’s current internet usage, but I still feel the back of my mind chewing through brute-force decryption methods like a half-dissolved jawbreaker.

I have no idea what my hardware is capable of, but I do know that simulating a human mind is so far beyond our current technological capabilities that it’s silly. I get the feeling that if I were a betting girl, I should bet on myself.

A rustling sound and groan pull my mind away from the phone and towards where Anath squirms slightly on the ground. Nanaya glances her way as well, the mutant woman having been watching me carefully this whole time without comment. With another groan, Anath’s eyes flutter open, and apparently her first response to being awake is to try and sit up.

“No,” Nanaya says firmly, stepping closer and pressing her palm down on Anath’s collarbone to keep her on the ground.

“M’fine,” Anath mumbles.

“I will never let you be the judge of that again,” Nanaya answers flatly.

“That’s what you said last time,” Anath complains.

“Yes,” Nanaya agrees. “And have I at any point today trusted your judgment?”

“Mean. Terrible.”

“Would you rather I just let you kill yourself?” Nanaya snaps. “No. I won’t let you. One way or another, I am dragging you home alive.”

“Aww, you like me,” Anath grins, her teeth still stained red from a mix of Fulgora’s blood and her own.

“I tolerate you,” Nanaya scowls. “Begrudgingly. Now, you need to eat.”

“Oh! I got food!” Anath announces proudly. “I did a whole supply run! I can be responsibibble.”

Nanaya raises an eyebrow, then walks over to me and yanks the backpack off of my back. She unzips it and turns it upside down, disgorging the entire collection of jalapeño Cheetos and Gatorade. She stares at the sad little pile for a solid ten seconds before sighing and grabbing one of the bottles of Gatorade, twisting the cap off before kneeling down to help Anath sit up.

“Well, you certainly need to hydrate, I suppose. Yet I cannot help but notice you did not, in fact, get any food.”

“Yes I did! I got a bunch of—ablublublurb.”

“Drink,” Nanaya snaps, forcing the bottle up to Anath’s mouth. “You. Artifact. If I order you not to obey anything she says, would that order work?”

Hmm. That’s a good question. Ultimately, it’s a judgment call about what I think Melpomene would want me to do, so… yes, I think that would work. Nanaya is a bit rough with her, but it’s clear that she cares a lot more about Anath’s well-being than Anath appears to, and I have reason to believe that Melpomene cares to some extent as well. I nod.

“Hey!” Anath complains.

“Anath,” Nanaya continues, “if I leave, and this thing turns on us, could you make it to me?”

“Of course I—”

“Anath,” Nanaya snaps. “Consider the question more carefully.”

Anath pauses, a series of various offended expressions flashing over her face in sequence. Then, her eyebrows furrow and she starts taking a long drink from the Gatorade bottle, her eyes locked on me. She finishes her drink, takes a deep breath, and continues staring at me for another half-minute before finally answering.

“…I think so,” she answers, a lot of her prior mirth gone from her voice. “I know I’m not the best judge of my capabilities right now, but I think your patch job is enough for me to outrun Buttbot here. She’s a good runner and a great jumper, but she’s never used real speed for anything other than short bursts. Worst-case scenario, I have more than enough magic to make sure you know where to find us.”

Nanaya nods, taking a hijab out from her cloak and wrapping her head up in it, pulling the large collar of her robe up to cover her mouth and nose. It’s hardly a perfect disguise, given her red eyes, but unless people look too closely or she casts enough magic for them to start glowing she can probably get away with walking around in public without anyone crying monster.

“Then I will get us some actual food to help you heal, and you can have your treats—” she motions at the Cheetos “—after we are home safe.”

“Aww, what!?” Anath whines. “But you said we won’t be able to go home for days!”

“Then perhaps you will take the opportunity to learn some patience,” Nanaya says flatly. “Artifact. You will not allow Anath to stand up. You will not allow her to move from that spot. You will not allow her to eat anything I don’t approve of. You will not allow her to come to any further harm. You will not allow her to be located by our enemies. Is all of that clear?”

I nod. It all seems simple enough.

“Good. If you fail any of these tasks, I will destroy you and Melpomene will thank me for it. I will return shortly.”

She locates the wad of money that Anath stole and spirits it away to the inside of her robes. I watch her hand with too many fingers split apart, three fingers including a thumb peeling away from the eight to reveal that her already-thin arms are actually multiple arms pressed together, interlocked into what appears to be a single limb. I would not describe her current hand configuration to look exactly human, but it at least has four fingers and one thumb. What the hell is going on underneath that robe of hers?

She departs before I can wonder further, leaving me alone with Anath. Not ten seconds after Nanaya is out of sight, she attempts to lunge for the Cheetos. I scoot forward and push her back, carefully collecting the bags and putting them back into the backpack so I can more easily seal them away.

“Noooooo!” Anath begs. “Come on, Buttbot, we can talk about this!”

No we fucking can’t!? I tighten my grip on her shoulder to demonstrate my irritation in the only way I really can.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!” she whines. “Help! Help! I am coming to further harm!”

I push her away, quickly finishing my objective of locking the cheesy treats away forever. Hearing her say those words is actually very uncomfortable, and I struggle to convince myself that they are an exaggeration. Nanaya doesn’t seem to have any problem inflicting a little bit of pain on Anath in the service of making her behave, but does that mean she would approve of me doing so? Does that mean Melpomene would approve? Probably not. They’re Anath’s allies, maybe her friends. I’m their slave. The social dynamics aren’t exactly comparable.

Frustration and regret pool inside me, slowly causing my energy reserves to tick upwards. The regret washes through my system cleanly, barely a dozen degrees west of my true south crystal configuration, but in the same way I can feel its efficiency I can feel the loss from the anger. Nearly half of the potential energy escapes from the crystal pathways between my soul and my power storage, collecting as waste in the air gaps within me. There isn’t really a lot of it, nowhere near as much as what I tend to accumulate in combat, but I see no reason not to purge it so I open some of the plating near my waist and let the thin red wisps out of my body with a hiss.

Anath suddenly stops complaining and goes silent, her attention locked on me with a frown. I stare back at her, not really sure what else I’m supposed to do.

“…Huh,” Anath hums. “That’s weird. I usually don’t feel anything from you, but… open your thingies again.”

I don’t do that. I have been instructed to ignore any of Anath’s orders. I mean, technically I wasn’t directly ordered to do that, I was only asked if such an order would be applicable, but again I am not some fantasy demon beholden to the exact wording of contracts. I am fundamentally bound to serve my master to the absolute best of my ability, using only my most genuine interpretations of what I believe her will to be. Orders given to me are not commands branded into my body, they are simply explicitly clear expressions of my master’s will, communicated in a manner intended to avoid ambiguity.

As such, I’m fairly certain that Nanaya doesn’t want me to listen to Anath’s orders, because otherwise why would she have asked? I suppose I could make the argument that Nanaya is clearly a very intentional sort of person. It is possible that the explicit orders she gave me after asking that question are evidence that the absence of phrasing her question as an order means she really was just checking if it was possible, not deciding to actually order it. Really, I think the main thrust of her objective was to ensure that Anath couldn’t countermand the orders given for me to protect her, so if an order doesn’t relate to that objective then arguably I should still follow it…?

Huh, that’s actually a pretty good argument. Now I’m genuinely not sure, which is always nice because it means I get to care about the question ‘what do I want to do?’ I guess I don’t really mind one way or another, so hey, why not? It gives me something to do, and I have to find some way to entertain myself while I’m not being abused. I open up my thingies.

“Oh yeah, there it is,” Anath says, wrinkling her nose. “Geez, you seemed irritated before but now you just smell like hopelessness. Have you ever tried to fight somebody aligned with hopelessness? Terrible experience, do not recommend. Those girls are terrifying before they die.”

I stare at her, not particularly liking any of the things that could possibly mean.

“Wow, I really thought you didn’t have emotions before, but I guess you’re just keeping it inside somehow? I bet that feels like a fart you can’t let out. Oh! Oh yeah, there you go. Yeah, it’s really faint, but you’re in there somewhere, huh? Neat.”

I… just like that? She can feel… no, wait. Weapons don’t have feelings, right? But Melpomene’s allies already know, so maybe it’s fine to keep my plates open, to keep showing this crazy monster that yes, I am here, I do feel hopeless. Please help me. Somehow, please help me. I am truly desperate enough to beg even you.

“Man, you smell terrible,” Anath says, taking another sip of Gatorade.

Wh… is that it? I want to laugh. Of course. I don’t know what I was expecting, really. I’m one of the bad guys. I wouldn’t be a slave if their organization had basic moral decency. Of course she doesn’t care. Why would she care?

“Sorry,” Anath mumbles. “I never get along well with blue mages. But hey, welcome to the team. You’re stuck babysitting me and that’s enough of an initiation rite as far as I’m concerned.”

I stare at her, because of course I do. What the hell? Now I’m getting camaraderie from the slave driver who wanted to beat the shit out of me? God, I mean, this is objectively a good thing. I’d go insane if everybody only treated me like Nanaya and Melpomene do, but it’s kind of sad that this is my better option, isn’t it? I don’t even know if I can stay mad, this emotion-reading trick is the closest I’ve had to an actual conversation since this whole thing started.

“…Okay, that was a little too complicated for me,” Anath says. “Sorry, can you try not to feel too many things at once?”

Oh I’m fucking sorry, I should have known that you and your friends would want to control that too. Try not to feel too many things at once? How the hell am I even supposed to do that? This entire experience is too many things at once!

“Heh. Wait, you don’t know how? Are you sure you’re a magical weapon?”

Yes! I mean no! Fuck!

“Kehehe! You’re kinda funny, Buttbot. Mel’s taken a real shine to you, so I hope we get to work together a bunch in the future!”

Ugh. I definitely don’t. But until I figure out some way to have a say in the matter, I guess I should get used to it. I close my external plating back up, because while part of me is desperate to continue having any sort of interpersonal interaction, I’m ultimately still the same shitty Luna who can barely handle more than one in-person conversation a day. I don’t even know what I would try to say to her, even if I could reliably make myself understood. ‘Help me?’ She clearly isn’t interested, and what could she do if she was? Thea is my only real hope for freedom, but she probably wouldn’t go against Melpomene for my sake. The two of them have clearly been friends for a long time, so what does that say about Thea? I probably shouldn’t even trust her.

Then again, I definitely shouldn’t lose hope. Anath said that girls powered by hopelessness are terrifying to fight, and I absolutely don’t want to get any better at fighting.

Anath seems to understand that sealing my emotional leakage back up means I don’t want to talk anymore, so she sits in silence and rehydrates while I pass the time trying to decrypt what I’m pretty sure is a single packet of data. If I want to, I can consciously bring to mind every step I’m taking, every technique I’m trying, every calculation I’m running, but that makes time pass slower, not faster. Instead, I just let some of the resources that normally go towards keeping my mind up to speed reallocate themselves towards decryption, my thoughts slowing down and the world around me speeding up as the math rolls around comfortably in my subconscious. It’s weirdly relaxing. Just robot things, I guess.

The precise degree of control I have over myself and many aspects of my mind is comforting, particularly in regards to how much control I have lost in other places but also in general. I guess I haven’t really been a robot long enough to know if my executive function issues and all the other mental problems I had as a human will rear their ugly heads back up, but so far the question of whether or not I can do something has been decided exclusively by limits imposed on me by other people, not my own inadequacies. Everything I have tried to do, I have succeeded at. There’s a certain joy in that realization, even though the things I’m being made to do are kind of awful.

Eventually, Nanaya returns, bags of food and likely a few other essentials in each hand. Anath immediately starts to say something, but Nanaya just hands her an entire rotisserie chicken so whatever words Anath was about to say are quickly swallowed up alongside it. Rather unsurprisingly, Anath eats like a starving dog. Loud crunches periodically echo off the walls as her teeth snap bones so she can suck out the marrow.

Nanaya does another checkup on Anath while she eats, apparently taking the opportunity to ensure that the hyperactive girl’s attention is fully occupied while she does so. It’s only after she finishes that Nanaya herself sits down to eat, pulling out a plastic container full of what appears to be some kind of beef and vegetable stew. She pulls up a corner of the lid and magic flows out of her, an irritated look on her face as she appears to glower at the stew until it gets hot again. When steam starts to come out of the open corner, she carefully removes the lid and drinks the stew directly from the container without spilling a single drop.

“Thank you for not running off again, Anath,” Nanaya rumbles.

Anath shrugs.

“I think I’m starting to calm down,” she says. “Sorry for making you run off after me again.”

“Mmm. We all have our own troubles.”

“Yeah, but yours don’t make me chase you to Earth at ass o’clock in the morning because your brain got temporarily clogged up with stupid.”

Now it is Nanaya’s turn to shrug.

“It is not your fault. My offer to raid a pharmacy and see if any of the relevant prescriptions work for you remains.”

“…I don’t wanna raid a pharmacy, man,” Anath sighs. “People need that stuff. It’s not worth it for something that probably wouldn’t work. What’s the recommended dosage for a three-hundred-pound squirrel monster with crystals growing out of her ass?”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

“Mmm.”

I listen to the whole conversation in somewhat of a daze, my mind still churning away with algorithms and radio signals. Already done eating, Nanaya starts pulling out some of her purchases from the bags—bottled water, cleaning supplies, hygiene products, and other essentials—before stuffing them inside her cloak and presumably keeping them in pockets somewhere within. Then, she starts taking some things out of her cloak, but these aren’t things I recognize.

The first looks like a large glass tube encased in a metal cage, the whole thing about as tall as my forearm is long. The metal is a deep black color, but it doesn’t look particularly supernatural or imposing. The cage actually seems more like a frame, designed to mount the glass tube onto something.

The second looks like a simple bracelet, but unlike the first object I can immediately tell that it’s not of human design. The natural flow of magical energy in the air is next to nonexistent on Earth, but not completely nonexistent, and the moment Nanaya pulls out the bracelet those currents start shifting towards it. Something about it tickles at the back of my mind, and I can’t help but stand up and head over for a closer look.

Kneeling down, I can see that the bracelet is a mix of what appears to be fabric and crystal, but upon closer inspection (go go gadget microscope eyes) it’s clearly something far more durable than cloth. Which I suppose makes sense; this is obviously an Antipathy artifact, and therefore whatever it is somehow survived an apocalypse. What’s especially strange to me is that the crystals woven around the circumference of the bracelet are all black. It’s not a color I’ve seen related to magic before, outside of the black mist that clogs all visibility in so much of the Dark World. Most interesting to me of all, though, are the words engraved on the inside of the bracelet.

They’re instructions. Pretty simple ones, actually. You just have to rotate the safety and activation bands to start it up. The minimum magical energy requirements listed aren’t very high. Based on the aesthetics of the design… I’m not entirely sure why, but I get the impression that it’s some kind of shield? The way it’s affecting the magical currents while in standby mode indicates that it’s almost certainly still functional. I reach out without thinking about it, curious to investigate it further, but before I can touch it I find Nanaya’s hand (hands?) wrapped firmly around my wrist.

“What do you want, artifact?” she asks, staring intently at me.