49. Counterattack

“You think she’s coming back?” I sign, causing Chloe to let out an exasperated sigh.

“I don’t know. I never know. Every single time she leaves I don’t know if she’s ever coming back.”

I manually wince, since the situation calls for it. Not my smartest question, but it seems I haven’t been at my smartest today in general. I’m still mad at Bean for pushing me when I explicitly asked them not to. Not mad enough to say ‘no, I won’t give you a place to stay while you’re homeless,’ but… pretty damn mad. So when Eliza started interrogating me, too, I snapped a bit. Stupid of me. I should be above that kind of knee-jerk reaction by now. I just have to clock up and take the time to calm down, but no. I’m ruining already-fragile friendships instead. Great job, Luna.

“Sorry,” I sign.

“It’s not your… okay, it’s not entirely your fault,” Chloe corrects herself. “She’s being irritable. She probably forgot to eat breakfast again. Or maybe she stayed up training instead of sleeping. It could be anything with her.”

“Are you doing okay?” I ask. “It must be tough to live with that.”

“I’m fine,” she assures me unconvincingly. “Someone has to help her, and it may as well be me. And besides, I’ve dealt with way worse.”

“You’ve played live-in therapist with other magical girls?” I ask.

“Well, not other Earth Guardians, obviously. Just normal people. Ex-boyfriends, mostly. Ex regular friends, too.”

Sheesh, that doesn’t sound like a fun history.

“No ex-girlfriends?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

“God, I don’t even know,” Chloe groans. “Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m bisexual or just stupid.”

Uh. Huh.

“What does that mean, exactly?” I ask, leaning back against the kitchen counter because I have a feeling this is going to be a long one.

“Ugh. Please don’t get me talking about this,” Chloe complains.

“I’m gonna get you talking about this,” I sign.

Chloe lets out a long sigh through her nose, looking away from me and toward nothing in particular.

“…Promise not to tell Eliza?” she says.

“I won’t betray a secret for as long as my heart beats,” I answer after getting her attention back on my hands.

And yeah, that’s a little deliberately misleading, but while I don’t intend to tell Eliza any of Chloe’s secrets, and I don’t see how this would ever come up in terms of the things I can’t control, you never know. Maybe Melpomene will get really invested in this random girl one day. It certainly happened to me.

“Alright, here goes…” Chloe sighs. “So… I’m not really attracted to physical features in the general sense. It’s much more of a personality thing for me. I get attached to people who exhibit specific traits and behaviors, right? And like yeah, once I get attached to a person, I’ll think they’re hot, but that comes after.”

“Well, that’s not that weird,” I sign. “To a lot of people, being attractive for their personality rather than their looks is exactly what they want in a partner.”

“Well, that’s sort of the problem,” Chloe says, grasping tightly to her own arms as she continues avoiding my gaze whenever possible. “I’m kind of attracted to people with… issues?”

Ah.

“So you definitely have a thing for Eliza,” I sign. Chloe lets out an aggrieved groan and suddenly switches to sign language as she responds, as if to make extra sure no one overhears her.

“Yes, kind of, but that’s not the point here,” she insists. “The point is that my brain is obsessed with fixing people. If I’m not spending all my time helping other people with their problems, I start getting really anxious. And if I’m getting anxious, I’m getting miserable. I can’t handle having too much time to myself. I don’t know what to do with it!”

“So you spend several hours making elaborate dinners, and organize study groups explicitly so you can help other people with their homework,” I intuit.

“Yes, exactly. And this always ends in one of two ways. Either I get attached to someone who’s so fucking miserable that not even my endless obsession can fix them, so I have to cut them out of my life before I end up getting myself killed, or the person finds out I’m only interested in them specifically because they’re a problem case and they get kind of justifiably pissed off at me about it! It’s why I know sign language. There was a deaf girl I went to school with around the time my dad started being able to take care of himself, and I just latched onto the idea that I needed to help her. Eventually it pissed her off so much that she cut ties.”

Oof, yeah, I can see that. There’s a big difference between helping someone and deciding on your own that they need help. Still…

“It seems like you were friends for long enough to learn the whole language and still remember it years later,” I point out.

“Well… yeah,” Chloe says aloud, self-consciously switching out of sign language again. “I mean, she did need help at first. She wasn’t born deaf, it was a relatively recent thing for her, so she was initially really grateful to have someone she could talk to. Someone who could help take some part of her old life back. But ultimately, she was a lot stronger than I was. She did take her life back, mostly on her own, and when she didn’t need me anymore, I was nothing but a burden. Not like… not like she just dumped me because she didn’t need me or whatever. I was just so obsessed with the idea that she did need me to be there for her that I couldn’t actually see who she really was anymore. She grew so much, and despite supposedly being her friend I couldn’t see that. I was pretty awful to her, near the end. Kind of an ableist piece of shit in general, really.”

She chuckles to herself like it’s a joke. I know it’s not, but it doesn’t feel right for me to comment on it. My own relationship with disability is… a little too complicated for me to throw my hat in this ring. I’m just a fraud, after all.

“It sounds like you regret it,” I say instead. “That’s always the first step. And I certainly don’t think you have to worry about Eliza outgrowing you anytime soon.”

Chloe laughs again.

“Well, maybe you’re the one who hasn’t been paying attention, then,” she says. “It’s weird. A little different, because of the whole ‘two of her’ thing, but Minerva’s really starting to pull both of them out of the muck. Yeah, they’ve still got a lot of problems, but they’re moving forward. Someday she won’t need me anymore, and… I guess the problem with being who I am is that I’m supposed to want that to happen. But… it’s hard. I really am awful, you know? If she’s doing poorly, I’m upset because there’s too much for me to do, but if she’s doing well I’m upset because there’s not enough.”

She grins at me, wild and jovial and free, and I bet if I wasn’t an empath it might have even distracted me from those words. Unfortunately for her, I’m more focused than I’ve ever been.

“Frankly, Chloe, I think you’re the person whose growth you’ve most failed to catch,” I sign. “Eliza would be lost without you, and I bet she knows it. Deep down, at least. That’s something to be proud of, no matter your motivations for it.”

“You’re sweet,” Chloe says, cleanly deflecting my words before they can touch her heart. “Now come on. You wanna watch a movie or something? You can pick.”

I don’t have time to call her out on it, because it is at this point that the door bursts open and Eliza stomps back into the room… dragging Anath!?

“Ow, ow ow ow!” Anath whines as Eliza yanks on one of her less-sharp crystals to force her into the room. I can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy; the crystals aren’t like an animal’s horns; they’re either not attached to the skeleton at all, or they’re attached to the skeleton because they’ve dug their way into a bone all the way from the outside. Probably not comfortable!

“Are you two making enough dinner for one more?” Eliza asks furiously.

“What the fuck?” Chloe answers, perfectly communicating my personal thoughts on the matter.

“She got stranded on Earth. My dumbass brother bought her lunch, but she doesn’t have any other food or anywhere to sleep,” Eliza growls out. “And I know she’ll cause some kind of major property damage if I try to bring her into EG HQ, so I’m stuck keeping an eye on her.”

What? That’s… huh!? This is such a baffling decision. And frankly, for someone apparently dedicating herself to keeping an eye on Anath, she sure seems to be devoting all her attention to staring at me.

…Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no! How bad is it? What did Anath tell her? How fucked am I? How fucked is everyone in this room!? No. Don’t panic. I need more information. I need more information before I can act!

“You okay, Luna? You look scared,” Eliza says with the absolute fakest concern I’ve ever heard in my life. I know I look exactly the same as I did before! “You weren’t this spooked when you shoved your hand into her mouth deep enough to scrape her fangs.”

Oh my god. She’s trying to interrogate me. She’s trying to interrogate me, and she’s really bad at it! Anath absolutely let something slip. Fuck this, fuck both of them. There’s at least one sign I can do that she’ll understand. I flip Eliza off.

“Woah! Okay! I guess you two are still mad at each other!” Chloe says, a hint of panic in her voice as she steps between us. “Can we all please just calm down a little bit? Take some deep breaths?”

“I’m sorry!” Anath blubbers, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“What?” Chloe says. “Eliza, put her down, Jesus. You’re hurting her! Back up. What is happening? What’s going on?”

“This is Eliza’s best attempt at being subtle,” I sign, and Chloe gives me a look of confusion mixed with exasperation.

“What?” Eliza asks immediately. “What did she say?”

I spare a furious glance at Anath while Eliza is distracted by Chloe, causing the girl to flinch away from me. Damn it, she’s having a major depressive episode, isn’t she? That’s bad, but not as bad as it could be. She has a bit more self-control at that end of the scale. I need to know exactly what she said so I can make some kind of excuse about it!

“Okay, both of you, seriously, back off!” Chloe demands. “Eliza, what is happening? I know this girl randomly attacked you in the mall, but you shouldn’t be treating her like this.”

“She’s. Dangerous. Has everyone suddenly forgotten that she’s dangerous?” Eliza growls.

“Then get Castalia to deal with her, don’t drag her in here!”

“No!” Eliza snaps. “I keep telling you, she’s retired!”

“And I keep telling you she gets upset when bad things happen to you when she’s not around!” Chloe snaps back. “Would you just let her decide what her own retirement means and accept some help for once!?”

“This is not about Castalia!” Eliza snaps. “This is about her!”

She points right at me. Okay. Abandoning subtlety already, I see. Sure. You were always shit at it anyway. Bring it on, then. I am not going to lose everything I have just because of a socially inept dumbass like you!

“What!?” Chloe nearly shouts. “How is any of this about her!?”

“They know each other,” Eliza insists, motioning between Anath and me. “They know each other! Luna’s always been suspicious, and with those interviews, we know someone has been working with the Dark Rebellion, and—”

“Interviews!?” Chloe shrieks. “Eliza, she can’t talk!”

“I…” Eliza stops short. “Well. Okay, maybe she didn’t do the interviews, but something is definitely going on between her and Anath.”

“No there isn’t,” Anath croaks. “I-I don’t know her.”

“She’s lying,” Eliza insists, gesturing sharply at Anath. Which is true, but Chloe has no way to know that, and Eliza is acting borderline hysterical. I keep my hands still, resisting any urge to jump into the conversation. Maybe if I’m lucky, I won’t even have to do anything. Chloe apparently has my back. She… trusts me.

I guess that’s kind of a painful thought, but at least it’s helpful here. I’ll find some way to make it up to her.

“Eliza, seriously, just… take a couple deep breaths, okay?” Chloe says. “Have you eaten today? Did you sleep last night?”

“Don’t treat me like I’m crazy!” Eliza snaps.

“I don’t think you’re crazy, I think you’re just… a little worked up,” Chloe tries.

“It’s my job to be worked up!” Eliza snaps, and… okay, maybe I will need to step in here. I pull out my phone and start to type. “It’s my job to protect the city from any monsters that might threaten it, but all of a sudden the monsters are holding fucking interviews and talking about how sad their lives are and even my own brother is… people are treating them like… like…!”

“Like they deserve basic empathy?” Chloe says flatly.

“They almost killed Aurora!” Eliza shouts, the sudden force of it nearly causing Chloe to stumble. “They almost killed me! They sent Veritas to the hospital, they’ve sent like eight other Earth Guardians to the hospital, and all the while they’re gallavanting around the Dark World collecting alien doomsday technology and developing magical weapons! They are not the good guys! What insane world did I wake up in today for that to suddenly change!?”

“I’m sorry,” Anath blubbers.

“Shut up!” Eliza shouts at her, and this time her target does stumble, tripping as she staggers backward and lands on her butt with a crash. This, of all things, is finally what gets Eliza to take a deep breath, but when she resumes speaking she doesn’t sound any less angry.

“…And now, everything with Luna is pointing their way,” she says. “Anath knows her name. Luna knows way too much about magic and is way too comfortable around us in general.”

“Is it a problem to be comfortable with you?” Chloe demands.

“Yes!” she snaps. “No one is comfortable around me! Not even you’re comfortable around me! You’re scared right now!”

“Why wouldn’t I be scared when you’re acting like this!?”

Stolen novel; please report.

“She’s not scared,” Eliza motions to me again. “She’s stressed, but she’s not scared.”

She takes another deep breath. Again, trying to calm herself down, but really only making the anger a little colder.

“…Even my brother would be scared if I yelled at him like this,” Eliza says. “Why wouldn’t he be? I run on anger. I wouldn’t even need my incarnate form to crush your skull with one hand. Any human would find that scary. Should find that scary.”

Again, Eliza looks at me.

“But she doesn’t.”

“And why would I?” I finish writing on my phone. “I’m way too busy being angry, you ungrateful cunt.”

That clearly isn’t the answer Eliza was expecting, so that’s the first hurdle cleared. It seems to me that Eliza doesn’t actually know much at all. She’s coming uncomfortably close to the truth, of course, but that’s less her actually having any evidence and more her brain unconsciously recognizing patterns and putting together puzzle pieces she can’t even really see. I know that, as a literal fucking robot, my emotional responses to things are going to feel different from a human’s. Not totally alien, not anything unexplainable, but there’s probably a bit of uncanniness to an empath, especially when I up my clock speed and race through several sets of thoughts in barely a second or two. It has to be weird.

That said, it’s also unique. It doesn’t tie me back to being an artifact, because I keep my plates closed when I’m in public with my disguise off. It doesn’t truly tie me to being magical, either, since I don’t have more than a small handful of Earth Guardian emotional training and generally handle magic differently. It doesn’t mark me as anything other than ‘someone with weird emotions,’ and that’s not solid evidence for anything in particular. I’m sure there are plenty of people with emotions that vary from the average way those tend to be expressed. It’s not a cause for alarm.

Which means the solution to this problem is very simple. She has reasonable suspicions, but she lacks evidence. She can’t prove anything. So it’s time for that classic social tactic my family has taught me well: misdirect, accuse, and gaslight, gaslight, gaslight.

I’m a bad friend. But that was always going to be the case, wasn’t it? It was all a lie from the very beginning.