50. Hidden Lies

“Thanks again for offering to drive,” the amateurly synthesized voice of my phone says. It’s really starting to grate on me. Surely no one would call me out on it if I just improved it a bit…?

“I didn’t so much ‘offer’ to drive as much as I forced you to let me drive,” Chloe corrects, which… fair.

“It’s over an hour one way,” I protest again. “That’s way too long.”

“You’re right, it is way too long to sit in a car with your best friend who you’re meeting for the first time and be unable to talk with them,” Chloe says, her eyes locked on the road. “You can’t sign or type on your phone if you’re driving.”

“Well…” I hedge.

“Okay, well, you won’t do that, because I’m not letting you,” Chloe huffs. “Besides, it’s just I-25 to E470. I can put on cruise control for basically the whole drive. Which, incidentally, is another reason we’re taking my car. Yours doesn’t have cruise control. Frankly, I’m not confident that clunker can survive driving for an hour straight without something exploding.”

“I can’t argue with that,” I admit. “It is a truly shitty car.”

“Yeah,” Chloe agrees. “Plus, I wanted an excuse to get you alone.”

…Oh. Well. That’s fair, honestly. I can’t blame her for it. I was due an interrogation, but I was hoping it wouldn’t happen. How to handle this… I suppose there are things I want to know, too. If I go on the offensive, it might redirect her long enough for us to get to the airport, at which point Bean’s presence will make pressing me too awkward. God, I’m a horrible bitch.

“I guess I can say the same,” I admit. “What happened after I left a few days ago?”

Chloe huffs. Does she know what I’m doing…? Either way, she decides to answer.

“It was miserable,” she says frankly. “Eliza was even more of a pent-up mess than usual and having… what was her name, Anath? Having Anath there the whole time made everything so much worse. The tension between the two of them was so thick I had to open a window to breathe.”

“How so?” I ask, keeping her talking.

“Well it’s just… Anath was so… sorry about everything, in like that miserable wet cat kind of way that drags everything around her down. Like she was genuinely remorseful, but to the point that it swallowed everything else, and the fact that she was genuinely remorseful mostly seemed to piss Eliza off more, which Anath was also sorry about. Honestly, it kind of seemed like Eliza would have beat the crap out of her if I hadn’t kept them both distracted.”

Oh my god. Oh my god Anath was right. Fighting is enrichment for magical girls. If she hadn’t been such a complete dumbass in how she went about it, the two of them might actually be friends.

How can a girl be so right about so much and yet still be so stupid?

“Sorry for leaving you with that,” I type. “It sounds miserable. I doubt me staying would have made things better, though.”

Chloe snorts.

“No, you’re right about that at least. She’s still mad at you, by the way,” Chloe says. “She’s probably more mad at herself, though. Like, she knows she was an asshole to you.”

Ouch. Sorry, Eliza. You deserve better than what I did.

“…But you totally know you were an asshole to her too, don’t you?” Chloe continues. Shit! Damn it, I didn’t press hard enough. And now, the failure aches in almost exactly the same way that succeeding would have ached. I lose either way, don’t I? What a joke, what a fucking joke…

“How am I the asshole?” I ask needlessly. “I might have gone off a bit, but if someone walks in accusing me of a bunch of random crap, can you really expect me to keep my cool?”

Chloe sighs.

“Look,” she says. “I’m not going to accuse you of anything, Luna. You’re my friend. I’m mad at you, but I still trust you. I just think you’re lying to me.”

“You trust me, and you think I’m lying to you?” I ask. “That’s a bit contradictory, isn’t it?”

“Not when you’re used to dealing with the kind of trauma I am,” Chloe says. “I trust that you care about me. I trust that you don’t want to hurt me. I trust that you’re doing your best. But people lie for all kinds of reasons, Luna. They lie because they’re embarrassed, or ashamed, or trying not to hurt someone with a painful truth. If I didn’t forgive friends for stuff like that, I wouldn’t have any.”

I let out a huff, automatically vocalizing my irritation before I really have a chance to think about it. Whatever, I can roll with that.

“So you’ve gotten it into your head that I’m lying to you,” I type, knowing that my phrasing is another attempt to gaslight. How crazy she must be, to suspect me of clearly nonexistent crimes. “Why, exactly?”

“Just a hunch, really,” she shrugs. “I just don’t think you’re actually mad at her.”

What? What. What what what. How? Literally how? My body language is perfect. My responses are perfect. If Eliza is mad at herself for how things went down, I’ve probably mostly fooled her, and Chloe’s not even a fucking empath!

“Why the hell would I not be mad at her?” my phone demands flatly. “What could possibly make you think that?”

“I dunno,” she shrugs. “Just a vibecheck, I guess. It makes more sense to me. If Eliza was completely wrong, I’d expect you to just stare at her the way you do whenever she’s being an idiot about something. But you acted like you were super duper offended, which… I’m not going to say it’s unwarranted, but it just seemed… artificial, I guess. And like, if I’m wrong, that’s fine. Maybe I’m wrong. But if I’m right, and you wanna talk about it, I’m here for you. Your secrets and stuff are safe with me.”

I… goddamn it. Goddamnit she’s just seeing right through me. Bean is one thing, I’ve known them for years, but Chloe? Chloe is onto me, and I’ve only known her for… what, a couple months? Am I really that transparent?

Again, I’ve failed. I don’t even fully understand how, but I’ve failed. So now I have to do damage control.

“You’re a good friend,” I type. “I think that for most people, that kind of insight would be really helpful. But if I were to lie to you about something, I promise it wouldn’t be for fun or because I’m repressing something unhealthy or whatever. I hate lying. The situation would have to be pretty fucking serious to get me to do it. So please… if you think that’s happening, just let me get away with it. Don’t bring anyone else’s attention to it.”

Chloe is silent for a while, the rumbling of the road providing the only sound.

“You realize that’s about the most suspicious thing you could have said, right?” she asks.

“You’re already suspicious,” I point out.

“Eliza was also suspicious.”

“I can’t trust Eliza to respond reasonably to boundaries if her first response to suspicion is yelling at me.”

Chloe sighs.

“…Well, your secrets are your own business in the first place,” she says. “But you know I’m not going to judge you, right? Not unless you’re like, a serial killer or something.”

“Just a serial killer, specifically? Do I get a couple judgment-free murders, then?” I ask.

“I… that isn’t what I meant, and you know that,” she says.

“So we aren’t at the stage of our relationship where you’ll hide a body for me,” I joke. “A shame, but good to know.”

“Please don’t joke about that,” Chloe groans. “My running theory is that you’re in organized crime, you know.”

Oh, fuck.

“Why?” I ask, schooling my expressions as best I can.

“You’re crazy good at lockpicking. You’re not scared of violence. You’re a really good liar, assuming you’ve been lying at all. And Castalia says you apparently sneak out in the middle of the night and disappear for several hours at a time. Plus you just… feel dangerous, I don’t know. There’s something about the way you carry yourself. You’re so confident and forceful, especially for someone with body issues. It can be a little intimidating.”

“Body issues!?” I ask. “The hell do you mean body issues? I’m hot as fuck.”

“I… Luna, you seriously think I haven’t noticed how often you skip meals?” she asks. “Or when you do eat, you’ll barely pick at your plate, save the rest for leftovers, and throw the leftovers in the garbage later? I keep tabs on the kitchen trash cans in your house, you know.”

“You fucking what? Chloe, that’s creepy as hell!”

“You’re not the first anorexic person I’ve had to keep out of the hospital, and you probably won’t be the last,” she shrugs. “The friend I told you about struggled with it for a long time. So did my dad, actually, albeit for different reasons.”

“Still creepy,” I insist. “You should have asked me about it directly before monitoring my fucking trash can.”

“Well, I wanted to be sure I was right before I confronted you about it,” she admits. “So… yeah, I guess we’re doing that now. Please eat food. You are hot as hell, and you don’t need to avoid meals to stay that way.”

I… I did not expect the conversation to go in this particular direction, but… ugh. My best move is to lean into her assumption that I have an eating disorder, isn’t it? Give her something to focus on. If I’m not letting her help me with some problem or another, she’s going to keep digging into the secrets I need to keep.

“You really don’t need to do this,” I insist, easily slipping into the role of someone who has been caught out on something they wanted to keep secret and resisting any help with it.

“I want to. You know me,” Chloe says, and… yep. I do. “I’ve struggled with the same thing. It’s awful. I can’t in good conscience just ignore it and leave you to deal with it alone.”

“…Okay,” I allow, and the two of us have a miserable time talking about my ‘eating disorder’ for the next half an hour before we start getting close enough to the airport that I get the message I was both excited for and deeply dreading.

[MeanBeanMachine]: My plane has landed!

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

[LunaLightOTK]: BEAN REAL!?

[MeanBeanMachine]: BEAN REAL!!!

“Bean’s on the ground!” my phone reports.

“Oh, good timing,” Chloe says. “We’re still a ways out, but they have to get their luggage, right? That’ll probably take like, at least twenty minutes with how big DIA is. I have to say, I’m pretty curious to learn what your best friend is like.”

“They are a huge dork,” I tell her simply.

“I… see,” Chloe says. “Honestly, coming from you, I’m not sure if that means I should expect them to be wacky or absolutely terrifying.”

Well. I’m absolutely terrified of Bean, but I doubt anyone else will be.

“More on the wacky side,” I answer. “You two will get along. They have several mental problems.”

“…Ouch,” Chloe winces. “But fair, I guess.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” I backpedal. “I love them, but we’re both a mess, is all. I really do think you’ll get along.”

“You? A mess?” Chloe frowns. “I don’t know if I’d describe any of your problems as ‘a mess,’ but if you say so. I hope you two have a great time. How long are they staying by the way?”

“Oh,” I answer. “I… don’t know. They’re recently homeless.”

“Oh shit! Uh. Gosh, I’m sorry,” Chloe says.

“It’s fine! I should have mentioned. I forgot that only Castalia and I talked about it.”

And Castalia, predictably, didn’t seem to care. If anything, she’s probably looking forward to having another roommate. She’s just… so nice and friendly. It’s criminal how alone she’s been for so long.

“Still, though. You said this was the first time the two of you would be meeting in person, right? Sucks that it has to be for something like this,” Chloe laments.

“I… definitely wish we could be seeing each other under better circumstances, yeah,” I say, my entire body feeling like it’s trying to shrivel up and die. I’m doomed, I know I am. But what else can I do?

The drive continues, and before I know it we’re navigating the labyrinthine roads of the Denver International Airport and pulling up on the arrivals pickup lane. My fake heart hammers in my chest as stress floods my energy reserves, the east magic more than enough to power my body despite the efficiency loss. I’m catching back up to fifty percent soon, as while I haven’t been feeling all that happy lately, I have certainly been feeling.

Still, I’m about to meet my best friend in person for the first time. It’s something I should be happy about. Something I want to be happy about. Something I am happy about, if I push past all the terror. I love Bean. We’ve helped each other through our worst moments. They’re probably one of the only reasons I’m still alive today. And now, finally… I get to give them a hug.

That is, despite everything, absolutely something to be joyful about.

I keep my one image of what my best friend looks like clear in my mind, the only selfie I’ve ever got from them. And soon enough… I see them. There they are, standing clear as day. Bean. My Bean. They’re shorter than I expected. I couldn’t really tell, from the angle of the shot. But they’re still thin enough to be a bit of a string bean, as it were, with tight jeans and a baggy, short-sleeved shirt failing to hide how completely bony they are. I guess if they lost their home, they’ve probably been low on money for a long time. I must FEED them!

[LunaLightOTK]: We’re here! I see you! Aaaaaaa!

I watch them glance at their phone as I send the message, then look up and glance around. I wave at them from inside the car, and soon enough they spot me back, their face lighting up as I point them out to Chloe so she can pull up and let them in. Despite several bags of luggage, Bean immediately rushes for the door to the back seat (where I am also sitting, for pretty much this exact situation) and throws the door open, spreading their arms wide.

“Aaaaaaaaaa!” they cheer excitedly. I spread my arms as wide as I can in the car and shake them vigorously to scream back, and then the two of us crash together on the backseat, enveloping each other in a hug.

“Luna! Oh my gosh, this is so cool!” they say. I can’t really respond while hugging, so I just nuzzle their shoulder a bit to show how much I care. They laugh, breaking off to actually put their stuff in the trunk, and I have a chance to type up my greetings.

“Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real!” I quickly copy-paste into my text-to-speech program, wiggling back and forth as the celebratory soundbite plays.

“Oh my god I am real, that’s so cool!” Bean agrees excitedly as they slip into the backseat with me again and actually start buckling up.

“The coolest!” I agree, going in for another hug because this is my BEAN, and they are just so huggable. God, I hope I don’t have to do anything horrible to them. It would be so easy to just snap their spine right now. I already know how much force that takes. I looked it up on the internet with my brain.

Pushing that thought aside and letting go of my friend, we settle into the seats as Chloe starts driving again, beginning the hour-plus journey home.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Hi, by the way!” Bean waves at Chloe through the rear-view mirror. “I’m Bean. Nice to meet ya!”

“I’m Chloe,” Chloe answers back with a smile. “Good to meet you, too! I’m one of Luna’s other friends.”

“I’m so proud of her,” Bean sniffs, faking the start of tears. “She actually has other friends.”

“Friends nice enough to drive for me, even,” I agree. “It’s wild.”

“Honestly, it’s kind of weird to consider that Luna doesn’t have tons of other friends,” Chloe admits. “She’s great. She helps me out with stuff all the time.”

“Aww, that’s great to hear. She’s been such a shut-in for most of her life. Not that I have any room to throw stones about that, haha.”

“I was gonna say,” I butt in. “Besides, I lucked out big time with Chloe and Castalia. Both of them know ASL!”

Bean blinks, doing a bit of a double-take. I watch them very carefully. After all, ‘not telling people I wasn’t always mute’ is one of the things we talked about, and I know Bean isn’t totally used to thinking about it yet. Talking with the phone is one thing, but ASL is basically a whole language that I’ve never brought up knowing before.

“…Right, yeah,” Bean says. “I guess that never really came up in our case, since we were communicating over chat clients anyway. I didn’t even think to try to learn it myself.”

“I’d be happy to teach you!” Chloe says. “Eliza has mentioned wanting to learn, too, so maybe we’ll make a whole thing of it.”

“Oh! Uh, yeah, that could be cool,” Bean nods. “Eliza is… she’s an Earth Guardian, right?”

“Luna told you, huh?” Chloe sighs. “Yeah, she is. Two of them, actually. It’s complicated. Come to think of it, she might not want to put in the effort to learn sign language right now, given she and Luna are still mad at each other.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Bean says. “What about, if it’s okay to ask?”

“I’d rather not get into it,” I quickly interject.

“…Yeah, that might be for the best,” Chloe agrees. “Sorry. It’s not the biggest deal in the world, I’m sure Eliza will get over it soon.”

“Huh. Well, that’s good. Any other ongoing arguments I should be worried about?” Bean asks.

“Not that I know of,” Chloe says, shaking her head. “Everything okay with you and Castalia, Luna?”

“Yep,” I lie. “No problems. Castalia’s great.”

“Still kinda crazy you room with her,” Bean says. “Crazier still that I’m about to meet her. She’s like, worldwide level famous.”

“You wouldn’t ever think so just talking to her,” Chloe chuckles. “She’s really not one for fame.”

“She’s great, though,” I insist. “Really nice. Just don’t be too weird about her levitating everywhere.”

“Oh, geez. I mean, you’ve mentioned it, but does she really do it everywhere?” Bean asks.

“Absolutely everywhere,” Chloe confirms. “She only stops when she sits down. And even then, not always.”

“It’s crazy adorable,” I admit. “She’s a little hard to get a read on at first, but as long as you remember she means everything she says a hundred percent literally, you’ll get along with her just as well as I do.”