AI-pocrypha – GPT-3 Written Epigraphs

Alright, so the following are all pre-chapter excerpts (epigraphs) created by a GPT-3 AI who was fed the entirety of Stray Cat Strut. I’ve curated the selection a bit, since a lot of them were… nonsensical. Those which were nonsensical and funny remain. The rest, not so much.

Also, to any of you who still think that writers won’t be replaced by AI in the coming years… well, uh, bad news!

“Hacking for Dummies is a program where some of the better-liked celebrities and great people in the world today help to teach beginner hackers so that they can spend their time ruining the lives of people across the globe.”

This one broke the formatting a little, it was one of the first time we tried to run the engine. Still, I thought it was pretty funny!

“The last time the time standard was updated, the world was still flat and full of dragons.”

–The Historian, after replacing a New Time standard with a ‘Utter Bullshit Standard’ during his tenure as head of the Bureau Of Standards in 1600 AD

This one is my favourite of the entire lot. Yes, it’s nonsensical, but it’s just absurd enough to be hilarious. I too, wished that we used UBS time in our day-to-day.

“Foundation Class is for those that have shown themselves worthy to improve the world in ways not just through weaponry, but through technology and science.

Would-be Recruits of this Class must meet certain Tier requirements as laid out below.”

–from listing by Agent Ash Jameson, Isodropensia Division Nº 572, 2052

I can kind of see where the AI pulled this one. Still, some parts are bizarre. Isodropensia… just isn’t a thing. At all. It just flat-out made a word up.

We need a lot of firepower.

It’s time for an Air Strike!

Extremely sorry about the puns, but this is too good to pass up!”

–Anonymous International Collateral Damage Prevention Kit commercial, 2037-2038

If you cut off the third line, it might actually make for a great epigraph.

It’s been three years now since the first moment when a woman could access her sexual health, and still no one knows exactly what that experience is.

The technological crew at DocTing decided to keep their favourite service close to the chest, hiring security for the triple digit billion dollar servers that power it.

While few know what goes on behind those screens, hardly anyone really wants to know.”

–Excerpt from New York Journal of Sex Technology, March 2038

I have no idea what the heck this means, but I’m all for it. Also, DocTing? I don’t know how the AI came up with that name, but it seems like a plausible name for a fake medical corporation. I’m pretty sure the New Your Journal of Sex Technology isn’t a thing either. Creative!

“Off the grid, quiet, and as far as we can tell, non-human.”

–Excerpt of conversation between Samurai and members of a Colombian Cartel, 2038

A bit short, but a really good example of an epigraph. This one has style and it shows that with only 24 words.

There are a lot of myths about Samurai and how they live. One is that they are all world-saving marvels, doing good deeds for the sake of the common folk. Another is that there will be talented but vampiric Saiara on top of their leaderless skyscraper fortresses, gathering to them gaggles of admiring girls who see them as powerhouses too great to resist.

If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it’s taken without permission from the author. Report it.

And then there’s Myalis, a near-omnipotent AI whose only weakness is being called fat. What she does with her time couldn’t be further from any of those things if she tried.”

–Excerpt from “The Tales That Myalis Can