Chapter Thirty – Grasshopper’s Guide to Discreet Destruction

Chapter Thirty – Grasshopper’s Guide to Discreet Destruction

“I need to justify changing my name? Your honour, my name is Al. A and L. Do you have any idea how often people call me AI? It’s insulting!”

–Al Bert, courtroom hearing, 2026

***

“So, what do you need from me?” I asked. Grasshopper had led us down and into a parking garage that I wasn’t aware of, but wasn’t surprised to discover in the lower floors of the building the Family was located in. The employees had to park somewhere and Grasshopper didn’t strike me as the sort to shove her car in the Samurai-only slots.

Mostly because her car…

I eyed it for a moment, not sure what to say, really.

It was kind of what I expected, without ever really realising that it was exactly what I expected, if that made any sense.

Grasshopper drove a little beige hover car. It was ten, maybe twelve years old, and looked like it was decently well-worn, but clean. There were bumper stickers slapped onto the back. I’m a teacher, what’s your superpower? It wasn’t even a fancy brand, just… run of the mill.

“Hmm,” Grasshopper said as she rubbed her chin. “Can you secure a location? You mentioned something like that earlier.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said. “I can get…” I paused as Grasshopper raised a hand.

“Sorry. But not here. Ask your Ai… Myalis, was it? Yes, ask them to contact mine. We can send notes back and forth that way. It’s far more private.”

“Is privacy going to be that big of a concern?” Sam-O-Ray asked.

“Oh yes,” Grasshopper said. “We’ll be stockpiling weapons of mass destruction. Now, I believe that we’re all responsible adults who can be trusted with nuclear devices, but I do worry about just leaving them laying around and letting just anyone know. It’s like having a gun locker at home. It’s safer to have things stored properly, and it’s even safer if no one knows where the locker is to begin with.”

“Right, that’s perfectly sensible,” I said. “In any case, yeah, I can think of a few locations. And if we need people, I might be able to wrangle something up. It won’t be professional.”

“Loyal is more valuable than professional sometimes,” Grasshopper said, then she froze. “Then again, I do feel like I need to stress about the presence of weapons of mass destruction and how we’ll need both professional and loyal?”

“Yeah, got it,” I said. “I’ll clear something out and get into contact with you in a couple of hours. You’re in charge of this.”

I was putting my foot down. Helping I could do, but fuck me if I was going to be put in charge of yet another big project. I didn’t have time for that, or the inclination. Besides, now seemed like as good a time as any to nix the idea of me being in charge.

“Okay,” Grasshopper said. “It’s a responsibility I’ll take seriously. Now, I have to go. I teach senior literacy classes in an hour. Toodles!” She bent all of her extra arms in, then tucked herself into the driver’s seat of her little hover car. It was too small for a woman as tall as she was, and she looked squished in there.

“Why… why doesn’t she have a better car?” Rac asked.

“I guess that one still works?” Sam-O-Ray said with a shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s good on gas?”

I stared at him, then at the car. It was electric. “Well, whatever. What are you gonna do?”

“Ah, well, I guess I can help where I can? You said you had a spot, yeah? Let me go check it out, maybe? I’ve got nothing better to do at the minute so I wouldn’t mind running security for a shift. I can scope the spot out, make sure no villain-sorts show up early.”

“That… might actually be a fantastic idea,” I said. “Good call. And speaking of calls. Rac, distract Sam-O-Ray for a bit while we head back up. Sam-O… wait, do you have a ride?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Is it older than me?” Rac asked.

He grinned. “Nah, little sister. I splurged a little. A man ought to have a nice car, I think. It’s up by the roof.”

“Cool, let’s head that way. I have a couple of calls to make,” I said. And then I placed the first of those calls. Fortunately, it was picked up almost immediately. Unfortunately, the person on the other end was breathing hard and trying not to show it. “Delilah?” I asked.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

“Catherine?”

“Is this… a bad time?”