Chapter Forty-Three – Right in Front of my OSHA Handbook?

Chapter Forty-Three – Right in Front of my OSHA Handbook?

“Oh, so you don’t like not having power?

Well golly gee fuck, maybe you shouldn’t have stopped investing in infrastructure then!”

–President of United Grid Power, 2039

***

“Okay, so,” I said, mostly to fill time as I got my thoughts in order. “You know how you and the kid have been clearing the building out floor-by-floor, farming points, killing aliens and all that?”

“Yes,” Hedgehog said.

“Right, well, that’s cool and all, but we think that there’s a good chance that the aliens are more clever than we think and that they’ll mess you up if you continue doing as you have. They’re kinda good at that, and they don’t usually care about, uh, structural damage, or collapsing buildings onto their own heads.”

Hedgehog reached up, tugged his hood back, then peeled the front of his helmet off and up, letting it rest above his head thanks to a clever pair of little hinges. “I see. Yes, that does seem to fit within the Antithesis modus operandi. We might have been lax in our safety procedures.”

I blinked. “You’re okay with that?”

“It’ll mean changing our own method of operation. We should push harder, hit the main body of the hive, clear it out, then continue our exploration and extermination mission.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, that’s exactly right,” I said. “If you want help, I’m here. I guess Nya too. She’s a pretty old samurai. But like, if you wanna do it on your own, that’s cool too. No pressure. Just reach out if you think you need it.”

“Of course,” he said.

I didn’t expect things to be resolved so easily. Hedgehog moved and talked and acted like he had a reinforced rod up his backside, but… yeah. “I guess that doing this is how it’s supposed to be done?” I asked.

“I like to do things by the book,” Hedgehog said.

“Have you ever even read a book?” Rac asked me.

I flashed her my middle finger. “Don’t get snooty with me, brat, I know where you live.”

“On the streets?” Rac asked with a cocksure little grin. I saw her eye flick over to Gros Baton though. Oh yeah, she wanted his approval for her silly joke.

Girl had a crush. Was it that he was a samurai? Or was it his charmingly dismissive attitude? Or did Rac just have a thing for boys with accents? If so, she could have picked a better accent than Quebecois.

I was halfway tempted to stick my nose in that, but… well, Gros Baton was a good kid, probably. I figured if he was chosen as a Samurai, then he wasn’t half bad, and what I knew of him supported that.

“Alright, uh, well, thanks for not being an asshole about it,” I said.

“Did you expect me to?” Hedgehog asked.

“No?” I tried. “Anyway! It’s not something that’s a huge hurry, right? You guys can probably take a day or so to reach the hive and mess it up without worrying too much.”

“I don’t know,” Gros Baton said. “Thirteen percent is a lot. What’s your AI gotta say if we go down, does it drop or go up?”

I can answer that. If they descend more aggressively, the percentage drops by two point one eight percent to four point six percent depending on the level of aggression, and the overall rate of increase, as in, increase over the next twenty-four to seventy-two hours, decreases.

“Huh. Okay, Myalis says that if you go down nowish, it drops by two to four ish percent, depending on how hard you hit them.”

If you leave the premises, the chances of full structural collapse decreases by six percent.

I blinked. “Wait, what?”

Catherine… bombs are not good for structural integrity. And there’s a high chance that several of your plans involve using warmechs within a confined space.

I mean, yes, I was thinking on how to bring my new mech down and into the elevator shaft, but that didn’t mean I was gonna… my plan B was to insert it tactically through an exterior wall. Exterior walls weren’t load-bearing, right? It would have been fine.

“What’s wrong, nya?” Nya asked.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing, Myalis was just saying something. It’s not important. Anyway!” I clapped my hands. “I think that’s it for me and Nya? I’ll leave you boys to it?”

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“You don’t want to stay to reap a share of the rewards?” Hedgehog asked.

“I mean, more points is nice, but I think I can find my own source of aliens to stomp if I look hard enough, and at the moment, more wouldn’t help anything? I’m basically just saving up for a few big toys at this point. Best to let you two, uh… not to sound rude, but play catch-up.”

“I appreciate it,” Hedgehog said with a nod. “Seeing as we have a bit of time, I think I’ll take a few hours to eat, shower, and rest. Gros Baton, would you be willing to dive down at 2100 hours?”