Chapter Forty – Bicker Bicker

Chapter Forty – Bicker Bicker

“Samurai are basically mad-scientists when it comes to wherever they live. Sure, you might find out where that is, but trying to break in is likely to have you turned into a rat by some needlessly cruel defence system. It’s just not worth it.”

–Longbow, final interview given to a team of reporters that attempted to break into his home, 2049

***

When Gomorrah said she’d teach me, I was expecting her to just kind of informally tell me a few things, maybe drop a few hints, give a couple of tips.

I was not expecting her to drag me over to the one unused room in the penthouse–the office–and sit me down on a chair in the middle of the room. Lucy, of course, followed. I think the dog would have followed too, but one of the kittens dropped something in the living room, and he proved his shortsightedness by abandoning all love for Lucy in favour of chasing down floor food.

“You, as we have firmly established already,” Gomorrah began. “Are an idiot.”

I blinked. “Okay… that’s a bit rude.”

“Do you have anything that protects you from your own explosives?”

“…No?”

“My point is made,” she said.

“Myalis never suggested anything like that,” I said.

You never asked.

Gomorrah pinched the bridge of her nose and then, upon letting go, went through some calming exercises. “Okay. Okay. This is really something you should have learned early on.”

“What is?” I asked.

“The protectors, god bless them, are wonderful, but they are not entirely human. Don’t get me wrong, they probably understand human psychology better than any human does, but that doesn’t mean they use that knowledge all the time.”

“Uh, okay?”

“I don’t get it!” Lucy cheerfully jumped onto the same boat as me.

“You have an excuse,” Gomorrah said.

“It’s okay if I don’t get things because I’m cute?” Lucy asked.

Gomorrah rolled her eyes. “No, you don’t have an AI in your mind. Stray Cat… Cat here, does. She should have been told this by now.”

“My role models so far have been Deus Ex, who’s a little shit, Longbow, who is a LARPer, and you,” I pointed out.

“God Almighty.”

I snorted, then Lucy giggled, which made me chuckle, and soon she plopped herself onto the same seat as me, both of us bouncing as we laughed.

Gomorrah sighed. “The point I’m trying to get at is that the Protectors only protect if you ask for it. The AI will not prompt you to better yourself, merely provide the tools to do so. Exceptional ones, but still just more tools.”

“So I need to ask Myalis for stuff?”

“A wild oversimplification, but essentially correct.” Gomorrah started to pace. It was a nice office for pacing in. One wall had a floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked part of the city. It was only with my cybernetic eye that I could tell it wasn’t an actual window, but a stupidly-high-def screen. “There’s a list of things you should be asking for.”

“Is that list common knowledge?” I asked.

“Among samurai? More or less. It tends to change from area to area, and no one respects it entirely because… samurai and rules,” Gomorrah said.

“Aren’t you included in that?” Lucy asked.

“I am a terrible nun,” Gomorrah admitted without batting an eye. “The list goes something like this, in order of priority…” She looked about, saw the window, then gestured at it and a list appeared.

• Secure your home
• Secure yourself
• Obtain greater equipment
• Obtain the means of producing your equipment
• Secure the assets you care about
• Obtain comforts

“There.”

I tilted my head to the side to try and figure the list out. “Yeah, it needs examples. Maybe some cartoon-ish drawings on the side in corpo-art style to help me figure it out?”

Lucy poked me with her elbow. “Don’t be difficult,” she muttered. “Gomorrah is trying to help. So, miss nun, you said the first thing is protecting our home?”

“Generally, yes,” Gomorrah said. “There are limits. Anyone with sufficient explosives can take out a building like this, and in that case nothing in your price-range will protect this apartment. But there are ways of protecting you against anything up to that. I have turret emplacements around the church, with an electronic warfare system in place, as well as a few drones that protect the building.”

“How much did you sink on that?” I asked.

“I’ve been a little cheap. The church is a somewhat public place, after all. And if it’s destroyed, well, I could move elsewhere. I’m attached to a few of the sisters, but they’re not exactly family,” Gomorrah said. She managed to sound uncomfortable without her expression changing at all. “I’ve put two-thousand or so points into defensive measures.”

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

I whistled. “That’s more than I’ve spent, total… I think.”

She nodded. “I expected as much. You’re very frugal.”