Chapter Four – You Can Lie on a Report, But Reports Don’t Lie

Chapter Four – You Can Lie on a Report, But Reports Don’t Lie

“How do empires fall? We like to think that it’s some great event, a massive turn of the wheel, the loss of a great war. But more often than not, empires from the Khwarezmian, to the Romans of Constantinople to the Xin Empire, fall because of slights and insults and mismanagement.

If you want to take down a foe, find your place within their organization, and fail repeatedly.”

–The Manual of Empire Destruction, 9th edition, 2036

***

I moved over to the back of Delilah’s couch and sat up against the backrest. “Alright, so if I’m getting the gist of this situation, my boy Juno over here is… what, in a big-wig meeting? Chatting with his bosses? Is that right, Juno?”

There was a shuffling on the other end of the line. “That is… correct, Samurai Stray Cat,” Juno replied. He was sounding particularly… ass-kissy? No, that wasn’t right. It was more that he was being very cautious. Picking his words. Maybe picking his battles too.

My guy was caught between a samurai and what was either his boss, or his mother in law. I didn’t exactly envy him.

“Ma’am, do you want me to make introductions?” Juno asked.

“This is highly irregular,” the woman who’d spoken earlier said. She sounded a little less like she wanted to rip someone’s face off, so that was nice. “But yes, might as well.”

“Thank you,” Juno said before he hesitated. I wondered who he’d begin with? “Samurai Stray Cat, this is General Liu of the Royal Canadian Army, and General Martin of the same. As well as General of the Air Force Roy, and Admiral Wilson of the Navy and my direct superior officer, Lieutenant General Poulin. There are some two dozen others here, but I believe that that covers the, ah, higher ups in the brass that are present.”

Ah… shit. “Myalis, what the fuck?” I asked after muting the mic.

I thought it would be a good way for you to make valuable new contacts?

“No, you thought it’d be funny,” I accused.

Don’t you think my sense of humour would be more developed than that?

“No,” I said.

Hmm. Interesting observation. Now, will you continue to be silent or are you going to make the best out of this situation?

I pushed off the couch and started pacing again. Part of me was really pissed off, another part was grudgingly agreeing with Myalis. This might be a good deal here. And this teeny-tiny part of me thought it was funny too. It’d probably be funnier in hindsight.

I unmuted the call. “Pleasure to meet you, generals, admirals and others,” I said. “Sorry for dropping in so suddenly. I really was just trying to get into contact with Lieutenant Colonel Juno.”

“Was the matter urgent, ma’am?” Juno asked.

“Somewhat. I’m heading over to Quebec. I got a tip that the city needs all the help it can get, and I happen to be very helpful.” When someone put a gun to my head, sure. “Since the wall there is occupied by the army, I thought I’d check in with you to see if you couldn’t… liaise with them for me.”

That was how that word worked, right? I wasn’t a liaising sorta woman.

“We… pardon me, ma’am would you mind if we muted you for a moment?” Juno asked.

“Go ahead? Lemme know when you’re ready.”

The line went dead, though I still had an indicator letting me know that it was active. I glanced up as Delilah wandered in. She had switched from coffee to water, and she handed me a closed bottle. “How did the call go?”

“Still on. They muted me,” I said. “I’m chatting with Juno and like, four generals? Does an admiral count as a sort of general?”

“How did that happen?”

“Myalis is a bitch?” I tried as an explanation. Judging by Delilah’s flat look, that wasn’t quite enough. “She called the room Juno was in. That room was in the middle of some sneaky-sneaky general meeting of the Generals. Or maybe it was like a weekly thing they do? I don’t know how the army works. Point is, they’re discussing it now.”

“I see, that might not be a terrible thing, assuming that you can convince them tha–“