Chapter Thirty-One – Anti-Vampire Measures

Chapter Thirty-One – Anti-Vampire Measures

“What can be more innocent than cute videos of cats and dogs playing and being wholesome? But there’s a danger in such things! Cute-Addiction is a REAL and PRESSING issue that is affecting MILLIONS of young Americans right now.

Enemies of our proud nation are seeding our internet with disgusting videos of kittens and puppies and… and otters being cute and cuddly. Why? It’s not because they love such things themselves! It’s to distract US from the REAL issues!”

–The Fear Inquirer, Issue 144, June 2032

***

Crackshot offered for us to stay and have a bit to eat.

I said no, because I was a little worried about what Nya might get up to back home.

Then Crackshot said that he was hungry, and walked over to the kitchen to start cooking something up. He looked very comfortable with the place. Casually pulling things out of the fridge and lighting up the stove. I didn’t take him for much of a cook either, but the man soon had a buttered up pan on the stove with a cut of steak on it as thick as my thumb.

We chatted about not much at all while he cooked, and soon I was second-guessing my earlier refusal real hard as the smell of charring meat rose up.

Crackshot somehow volunteered Shy to help mash potatoes and I was suddenly tasked with setting plates and utensils down on the kitchen’s island, which was weird, because I had definitely said no to him earlier when he asked if I wanted to stay to eat, and yet here I was putting down plates for three.

“I feel like I’ve been tricked somehow,” I said.

“Eh, it’s the good kind of trickery,” Craskshot said with a boyish grin. “My grandma taught me this one! You go to her place and you’re not leaving so easily. Besides, these are real steaks, from a real cow. ‘Wagyu’ they call it. I passed some through a processor the other day to make burgers and Audrey almost had my head. They make a mean steak though.”

Crackshot seasoned the steak with what looked like random stuff he found on a spice rack in one of the cabinets, and somehow that only made it smell better. He might have gone a little hard on the garlic, ripping one apart and cooking it straight up in the grease and butter of the pan, but… shit, it smelled too good for me to complain.

“G’damn,” I muttered past a mouthful.

“I know, right!” Crackshot said. He cut off another slice of meat, which wasn’t hard, it kept coming apart with just a twist of the fork. The mashed potatoes were good too, especially with the garlic mixed in.

It was kind of simple, but better than anything I’d ordered out of a machine before.

“You know, I could get used to the samurai life.”

“You weren’t already?” I asked.

He scoffed. “It’s only been a couple of weeks for me! I mean, I hear it ain’t much longer for you, but… you know, my life had a direction before all this, and it weren’t a pretty one.”

I nodded, and I think Shy did the same on my other side. She was sitting and using me as a sort of barrier. I think Crackshot’s friendly sort of extroversion was alright with her, but she wasn’t talking too much all the same.

“So, I kinda figure things are going well with you and Emoscythe. Audrey, I mean. But like… you planning on making this a big thing?” I asked.

Crackshot snorted. “A big thing? Well… I don’t know. My family has always been proper sorts, you know?”

“I really don’t,” I said.

He grinned at me. “Figures. I meant… my mom and dad were married, their parents too. I’m not one for religion or anything, but I am one for a big wedding party.”

“Whoa, thinking about marriage already?” I asked.

He shrugged one shoulder. “That’s how I am, you know. If you like a woman you give her a ring and hope she likes you back. Not sure if Audrey is the one for that, though. She strikes me as… well, her own sort of person. Doesn’t seem the sort who’d want to be tied down by a country hick like me. I guess I’ll see how things go? If it’s just a few weeks of rolling in the hay and then we part on good terms, then I guess I’ll be a big boy about it.”

I reached over and patted Crackshot on the shoulder. Dude was a good guy. Also, a surprisingly good cook, all things considered.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Lucy was still better, though.

“Alright,” I said as I leaned back and resisted the urge to pat my belly. “That was good, but I really did just come here to check up on you.”

“That’s kind,” Crackshot said.

“I’m doing it because I have a gun to my head, not because I’m nice,” I replied.

He grinned back at me. “Sure,” he said. “But uh… hey, if you’re checking in on people, maybe give Hedgehog a look?”