Chapter Ten – Fight Like A Cat

Chapter Ten – Fight Like A Cat

“Modern martial arts can be split, broadly, into three categories.

The first two will keep you healthy and safe, the third will empty your wallet.”

–Excerpt from ‘Break Their Noses’ a 2039 MMA Manual

***

How come one afternoon of classes felt more tiring than a whole day of shooting aliens?

Actually, that was a flat lie, and a rather big exaggeration. A day spent hunting down antithesis, or holding a wall, was a lot more stressful, but the whole school thing was tiring too, in its own way.

“I need a nap,” Lucy said as I brought the Bastion in for a gentle landing in the parking garage. “Urgh, but the kittens need to be checked on. They had no one supervising them all morning.”

“Can’t be that bad,” I said.

“Daniel was here, and I told Junior to keep an eye open,” Lucy said. “And there’s easy food in the fridge. They won’t have starved, but you just know that at least two of them started a fight or something while we were gone.”

“Yeah,” I said. I let out a yawn and relaxed back into the pilot’s seat. “Should we head out and check on them?” I didn’t really have the energy to stand up, at the moment.

Lucy grunted, then pulled herself up to standing with what looked like monumental effort. She leaned in over the pilot’s seat and gave me a kiss. “I’ll do it,” she said. “Kinda asked for this.”

“Love you,” I said.

Lucy grinned, then slipped out of the cabin. I watched her go for a bit, then let out a sigh. If I was reasonable, I’d give myself a kick in the ass and get going. It wouldn’t take that much effort, really. Then I could sort through what needed sorting, get some lunch in me–because a cupcake and a cookie wasn’t a proper meal–and then see about some things. But at the moment I was mostly feeling lazy.

Did you enjoy the day?

“Hm? You know what? Yeah. The class was pretty… well, educational, I guess. But it was fun, overall. I’m not sure if I’ll be into this kind of thing in the long run, but for now it’s kinda neat. I can even see it being genuinely useful next time I have to deal with the antithesis. Tactics and shit. My, uh, strategies so far have mostly involved throwing shit at the wall, but that stuff about deception today? That was more refined than what I’m used to pulling.”

I’m glad to hear it. It might not always seem that way–mostly because teasing you is too amusing–but I do actually believe that you have some potential. It would be a shame to see it all go to waste.

“Yeah,” I said before I reached up and scratched at my nose. “So, uh. Hey, I’ve got that quick-mind upload wreath thing around somewhere, right?”

You do.

I couldn’t remember where I’d dropped it off, but it was this thing that let me download shit straight into my brain. So far I’d mostly used it to download lessons on piloting my mechs, and those had sure as shit turned out to be handy.

“So, next class is physical combat stuff, and if I go out there the way I am, I’m gonna look like a fucking clown. I don’t know jack shit about like, proper martial arts. I can swing a punch like the next mean bitch, but that’s about it.”

I see. Yes, there are some neuro-download lessons that encompass various martial arts. I would advise against learning more than one at the moment. In fact, learning more than one in a relatively short period might be detrimental.

“Detrimental how?” I asked.

Most martial arts teach you how to move beyond just how to throw mean bitch punches. This can include anything from how to walk to how to position yourself during your every day so that you’re more ready to move into a combat-ready state. Unfortunately, as various martial arts focus on different movesets, learning multiple at the same time can lead you to having conflicting new instincts with regards to how to stand, sit, walk and generally carry out your day.

“Yeah, okay, I can kinda see how that would work out. Or wouldn’t work out, as the case may be. I don’t want to be tripping over my feet and bleeding from the nose at the same time.”

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

You wouldn’t have to worry about the latter. This is safe. I’m merely suggesting that you use this technology at a reasonable pace. We don’t need you straining what sanity you have.

I nodded along. That sounded reasonable enough to me. “So, what I’m looking for is… honestly? Something that’ll let me kick ass.”

A lot of the martial arts I could give you access to would allow you to kick a number of asses, however, more often than not a martial art is a multiplicative added on top of the baseline for ass-kicking that is a person’s physicality.

“What’s that mean?” I asked.

It means… imagine two people. One of them is short, in poor health, very young, and has no physical conditioning. They have never exercised before. The other is tall, fit, has a balanced and careful diet and is at their peak age for physical labour. Given the same exact martial knowledge, who would fare better in combat.