Chapter Twenty-Five – Kawaii Kitty Kohai Kicking

Chapter Twenty-Five – Kawaii Kitty Kohai Kicking

“Unfortunately, because of reasons beyond my control, Smash or Pass Samurai edition will have to be cancelled.”

–Vtuber BirbKnife during a 2038 stream

***

Nya wasn’t focusing on me. It took me a stupid amount of time to realize it, but she wasn’t targeting me directly. She’d move in, swipe–why did she have claws?–then put just enough pressure on me to pull me away from the others before pouncing back onto them.

It meant that at some point, maybe a minute into the fight, I was the last one standing, and I wasn’t intact. I’d eaten a pair of kicks to the chest and a tail swipe across the face that felt like a mean bitch slap.

“You’re not so bad, nya!” the weirdo said. She walked around me in a big circle, forcing me to constantly shift my stance so that I’d be ready when she rushed in. Her tail swung low behind her, like a playful cat’s, and her little ears twitched. “But you’re still just a little kitty! So kawaii!”

“Oh, fuck off,” I growled. Who the fuck was this bitch anyway?

“Nya!” the freak screamed as she leapt at me.

Then I was moving backwards, avoiding quick swipes and flat-handed jabs aimed at my throat. Nya went high, then swept in low and tried to get in under my guard.

I shifted my stance, legs going wide for a moment before I tried to move in to clock her in the face with an elbow, but Nya didn’t just sit there, she threw herself to the side, rolled, bounced up to her feet, then used her momentum to spin into a roundhouse.

Everything I knew about martial arts and street fighting told me that she was being wasteful and flashy as fuck. And none of that mattered because she was so fucking fast.

I gritted my teeth and caught the kick on my forearm, then stumbled back from the blow. That had caught my fleshy arm, not the cybernetic one, and it hurt like a bitch.

“Slow slow, nya! You need to be fast and flexible, little kitty! Show me your tummy!”

This bitch is crazy.

“Myalis, could use a distraction,” I muttered.

Here, try this.

I caught something out of the air, then flung it hard at the samurai.

She caught it in one hand, then blinked to stare at it. I stared too while sucking air in to catch my breath. It was a large ball of yarn.

“Nya haha!” the woman laughed. “A gift!”

“Fucking…” I started, then she was on me again, I blocked, weaved under a strike, stumbled back from a kick, then cursed some more as Nya rolled in mid-air to bring her heel down near me in an axe-kick out of some shitty video game.

Nya swept up before me, and started to try and… pinch my cheeks? I slapped her arms away, then again, then again, all the while backing away and trying to get a few quick snap-kicks in to break her footing, but she was always a step to the side whenever I tried to strike out.

Speedware? Some sort of stupid enhancements? I clenched my jaw until my teeth hurt and pushed myself to move faster.

I had an idea.

It wasn’t a very good one.

Nya batted a swing aside, then grabbed my wrist and started to pull me forwards, which is what I wanted.

She lifted me off the ground and spun, prepping for a pretty standard grapple throw. I reached out towards her face with my cybernetic arm and met her eyes even as she flung me across the room.

Which is about the time that my arm opened up and revealed the grenade launcher built into it.

Nya’s eyes widened comically, but the madwoman just smiled wider.

Then I hit the ground back-first and coughed as the air was knocked out of me.

She came to stand before and above me, blinking down. “You didn’t shoot?” she asked.

“Loaded with high explosive,” I said. “Would have blasted the whole room.”

“Nyaaawww,” she said sweetly. “So considerate! But don’t worry! I would have been just fine!”

“I was thinking more the other students,” I grumbled.

“Oh… yes, Nya would have fixed them. But it’s okay! I would have caught the bullet.” She mimed catching a grenade out of the air and tossing it into her mouth. “Om nom nyam!”

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

I pointed at her. “Cringe,” I said.