Chapter Fifty-Three – War Crime Waifu

Chapter Fifty-Three – War Crime Waifu

“With our new facial recognition AI-powered algorithm, you can be sure, 99% of the time, of what others are thinking!”

–FaceAI ad, 2039

***

I found a seat in this little ‘park’ area not too far from where Lucy had her current class. It was due to end in a few minutes and I wanted to give her a goodbye kiss before heading out. The ‘park’ wasn’t really deserving of the name. It was three trees, two benches with anti-homeless arm-rests, and a patch of pitiful faux-grass that had been stepped on so much as people walked across it that a large chunk was missing.

Still, it was a seat, and it was out of the way and kind of quiet. I had a few people turn to stare, but I was in my school uniform, more or less, and didn’t really give much of a shit.

“Alright,” I muttered as I re-read the message Myalis had composed for me.

It was pretty decent, all things considered, but the tone was off. It had the vibe of something written by a corporate stooge, as opposed to something written by a samurai. It was hard to pin down what that meant, exactly, but it was there.

“Okay,” I muttered as I opened the message on one screen, then opened a digital notepad and moved it to the side. Anyone looking at me would see my hands moving vaguely ahead of me, which wasn’t too unusual.

I started to re-write what Myalis had made, only for the text that I’d written to change a moment later.

I’m correcting your grammar, Catherine. I understand the need for self-expression, but I won’t allow you to express yourself by spelling ‘ceasefire’ with a z.

“Alright, that’s fair,” I said.

Mostly, I was adding to her message instead of removing too much of it. The bulk of her message was going to stay. I was just adding a little something at the start and end.

NOTICE OF TEMPORARY CEASEFIRE — ISSUED UNDER AUTHORITY OF VANGUARD STRAY CAT, NEW MONTREAL SECTOR

Note from Stray Cat: Look, you annoying fucks. I just want to stay home and mind my own, but now you’re making noise and I can’t handle that. So we’re going to do a ceasefire until we can have a chat and lay down some rules. I want peace and I want quiet, and if I need to do war and be loud to get that, then I’m going to make it everyone’s problem.

The terms of the ceasefire section went on as Myalis had laid it out. It was semi-legalese jargon. Myalis apparently had a second version that had an additional seventy-odd pages in ultra-fine print, going over all of the legal conditions for what we were doing and covering our asses.

It was impossibly complex, and jargon-y to the extreme. The kind of shit that would take an expert lawyer so long to untangle that by the time they were done, the whole event would be over with as well.

There was another section that I adjusted.

ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITY:
Designated Samurai retain sole enforcement rights. Consequences for noncompliance are not subject to appeal, arbitration, or delay.

Note from Stray Cat: If you mess with us, I will kill you. And it won’t be a clean, glorious death, either. I will make it nasty. I will make it embarrassing. I will shoot you on the shitter, pants around your ankles, ass unwiped, and leave you face-down on the ground for the whole world to see. I will film that shit. Your family will disown you. Your best friends will pretend that they didn’t know you. You will be struck from the history books.

Don’t fucking try me. I’ve got nothing but time and I’m a very creative woman.

To avoid loss of resources, territory, personnel, and continued existence, compliance is strongly recommended.

I nodded. That would do it. “Okay, so where do we post this?” I asked.

You could print it out on little leaflets and staple it to telephone poles.

“Aren’t most phone poles made of metal?” I asked.

Interesting that that is the first hurdle to the plan you mention. In any case, I’m certain I can find a stapler powerful enough for your needs. Or, you could post this online. I’ll even help you, a little.

Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

“That seems a little better, yeah,” I said with a nod. “Are there any big forums that gangs use? Social media?”

Several. Some monitored, some as part of a larger social media network. Unfortunately, trying to spread this announcement around will have the effect of letting people see it who are outside of the gangs and organizations you were aiming to warn.

“I don’t think that’s a big deal. Let the normies know. I think that, if anything, the idea of a ceasefire might help calm them down a little.”