Chapter Fifty – Salad

Chapter Fifty – Salad

“It’s not just fine dining that changed with the arrival of the Antithesis. The first incursions popularized the purchase of long-lasting non-perishables, for good reason, but that had little impact on the world-wide market for food.

Shortly thereafter, large food conglomerates switched to using synthetic meats in full, something that had only been experimented with before that.“

–Except from You Aren’t What You Eat, 2032

***

Lucy ate her salad while making these little noises that were–quite frankly–making me a bit jealous. I’d never heard her sounding so… pleased before. Ever.

Was I being outdone by a salad?

“This is so fucking good,” she said, mouth still full. “How’s your thing?”

I looked down at my plate and at the seven circles spread out across it. Each one had a little piece of meat, with some sauce expertly drizzled on it, and a little side of vegetables or greens or… stuff. I’d eaten one of them so far, a sort of slab of pork that was so soft that it came apart as soon as my fork (which was in fact silver) touched it. The other six were all different, but for the most part each was pretty small. “It’s good so far,” I said as I turned the large plate a little bit.

“This isn’t even the main course and I’m loving it,” Lucy said. “It was a good idea to come here. Cat, you need to find out if this place would sponsor you so that we can eat this every day.”

I snorted. “I don’t know, it sounds like a bit of work. Won’t the fun wear off?”

“Sex is a lot of work, but it’s never worn off, I can’t see how this is any different,” Lucy said.

“Should I be worried?” I asked. “You and that salad…”

Lucy nodded. “You should be. If this salad had an ass as nice as yours… well, sometimes a girl has to make difficult choices in life.”

I was being outdone by a salad. That was effeminating.

I jabbed at some sort of brown meat. There was no way to know what it was, but it was juicy and soft and tasted stupidly good. “Mmm,” I started to say before I swiped the back of my hand across my mouth. “So, you think I should do the sponsor thing?”

Lucy tilted her head as she considered it. “I guess? Isn’t that what samurai do?”

“I mean, some of them have to be sponsor-less,” I said.

She shrugged. “I guess. Just figured that’s the way you’d go. It’s basically free money, right?”

“Yeah. Don’t know who I’d accept as a sponsor though. I wouldn’t just slap on anyone’s logo.”

“Can you imagine doing a commercial for like, Pear headphones, and then the week after you learn that they’re using child labour again,” Lucy said. “Oh, which company was it that had concentration camps with like, minorities working in factories?”

“There’s like, six,” I said.

“Urgh,” Lucy said. “Right, so you don’t want to work for one of those. Probably get Myalis to look into whatever corp you end up working with.”

I grimaced. “I don’t know. I don’t want my face on a cereal box. Or like, someone’s underwear or something. It’s too cringey.”

Lucy giggled. “I love you Cat, but I wouldn’t wear you-themed panties, no matter how much you paid me.”

“I know,” I said. “Maybe like… uh, I hate myself for thinking this.”

“Ohh,” Lucy cooed. She leaned forwards. “Tell me, tell me!”

I rubbed at my brow. “I could be sponsored by one of those companies that do animal products.”

It took a moment for Lucy to catch on. “Oh, like a cat food company?”

“Not cat food! Shit, that’s worse than having your face on cereal.”

Lucy grinned. “Give your kitty some Cat, the best tasting pussy food around.”

I flung a napkin at her and she laughed. “You’re awful,” I said. “That wasn’t even a double-entendre. It was like… a single-entendre.”

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“It’s the salad.” Lucy took another bite. “It’s making me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

I laughed and picked up a knife to cut into some sort of fish-looking thing. “Do fish count as a meat?”

“If plants can count as meat, why not?” Lucy asked. She finished a bit before me, then stole a few veggies from my plate until I finished. The moment I was done, the waiter returned and took our plates away and brought us fresh water.

Then he returned with dessert.