Chapter Twenty-Three – Gonna Be

Chapter Twenty-Three – Gonna Be

“There’s this pervasive idea, especially from those old-ass zoomer sorts, that one day things will return to normal. The samurai will disappear, the aliens will fuck off, back to whatever hellhole they’re from, and everything will be right as rain.

Welcome to the new normal, motherfuckers!”

—Award-winning highschool essay, 2041

***

“So, what’s the sitch?” I asked.

Men and women ran around, carrying sandbags, metal boxes, and other equipment. The only uniform they had was a distinct lack of uniform. They were normal folks, with that kind of desperate energy that said they were happy to be doing something but they weren’t sure if it would be enough.

Jolly Monarch reached up and adjusted the oversized crown atop his head. His whole uniform took the theme thing to another level. He had a thick red cape and was wearing some sort of almost militaristic suit, with medals all over his chest and a sceptre by his side. It didn’t suit his face though. He couldn’t be older than thirty.

“The situation’s looking a little bleak. I have twenty-four pawns here, and four bishops.” He pointed with his sceptre to the nearest of the trashcan-looking drones. I guess they were meant to be shaped like the pawns in a chess set. That didn’t give me much of a clue as to what kind of armament they had.

“And what’ll we be fighting off with those?” I asked.

Jolly Monarch grinned. “A nice proto-wave of everyone’s favourite man-eating plants.” He gestured to the side and one of the pawns came closer. A small opening appeared on its side and a projected hologram started to float between us. The city we were in, and the long stretch of highway heading westward from there. “The wave is mostly following the highway. We’re estimating between one and a half to two thousand models. Mostly on the lower end of the spectrum. Threes, fours, maybe some model sixes.”

“So a whole heap of them,” I said. “Can you take care of the wave on your own?”

“My projections say… mostly?” Jolly Monarch said. His smile twisted a bit. “I have enough pawns here to blunt the front of the wave. I might even be able to stop its advance entirely. But that’s only if I’m lucky. The more likely situation is that I’ll be overrun if all I use are my current forces. Then the locals also defending this section will suffer for it.”

“Can’t you use the points to buy even more pawns or whatever?” I asked.

Jolly Monarch nodded. “Oh yes. But these pawns are about a thousand points each. They don’t come cheap.”

I frowned at the drone. It didn’t look like a thousand-point investment to me.

“Right. How long do we have?”

“Forty-two minutes and change,” Jolly Monarch said.

I glanced at the projection again. That was plenty of time. “Okay then. I’ll be back in forty minutes.” I started out towards the road.

“What will you do?” Jolly Monarch asked.

“Does it matter if I blow up a few buildings on that side of the barricade?” I asked.

“Not really, no,” he said.

“In that case, I’m going to turn this entire stretch of highway into a nightmare for those plant fucks.”

“Oh, well, good luck!” Jolly Monarch said with a happy wave.

I had to wonder why someone that had clearly been a samurai for much longer than I, had felt like he wasn’t able to take care of a wave all on his own. The cost of his drones didn’t make sense either. My cat mecha looked way cooler and was a fraction of the cost.

“Are those things really worth a thousand points?” I asked as I vaulted over the cement barrier and into the little noplant’s zone just beyond.

I see what you’re thinking. And yes. The drones are. I suspect that Jolly Monarch’s focus is not mainly a combat one. The cost of his drones mostly comes from their inherent versatility.

“Huh, alright,” I said. I paused at the end of the intersection. The road stretched out ahead of me, almost entirely clear except for a couple of abandoned cars shoved to the edges. I nodded. It was a blank canvas, basically.

“Myalis, first thing’s first. I need a new main weapon. Also, what’s my current point total?”

Current Point Total:
2205